(Closed) Engagement Advice – An unusual situation?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
3 posts

If you like a view, the top of the Shard is spectacular (and if you go early on a Sunday morning, very quiet!). If you want something cheaper, a boat down the river would work.

Post # 18
3069 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@futuremrsk18:  Great advice! I always love the idea of proposing with a stone and the bride gets to pick the setting.

Post # 19
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@fdc:  Personally, I picked the setting and Fiance picked the center stone, especially since that’s where the bulk of the budget goes and I didn’t know how much he wanted to spend. My advice would be for you to pick a beautiful sapphire and let her pick the setting. The only question you might have though is which shape sapphire, if she hasn’t told you that before. The good thing is though a lot of jewelers do have a 30 day return policy, so if she doesn’t want the stone you picked, you two can go in together and exchange it. I will say a lot of the bees here get very tied to the ring that was used to propose with. Is there no way you can ask her to send you some rings she likes or ask her friend or close relative what she likes? That’s just another suggestion. Otherwise, when you say a stand in ring, do you mean like a CZ or something until she picks out what she wants? Whenever you announce an engagement, everyone always wants to see the ring – I loved that I had a ring that I already wanted and was able to show it off as soon as I announced my engagement. All things to consider, but you know her better than we all do, so I’m sure whatever you choose to do will be best!

Post # 21
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Do it noooow, yeaaaah!


Post # 22
774 posts
Busy bee

Definitely do it before Christmas! Even though you’ll only have a couple of days to enjoy it it will be like its happening all over again when she gets back and you two can go ring shopping! 

And try not to over think it! Anything you do she will absolutely love. 

Post # 23
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@fdc:  Perhaps I am the lone dissenter.

My advice is to wait. Then do not share the fact that you are engaged with anyone – for at least several months.

Allow me to explain my logic. My proposal came in February and we were married by June. I felt tremendous joy with the proposal. I kept it secret for a day, so that the joy could be just between us. Then I began calling friends to “share the excitement.” The tremendous joy that I felt from the proposal turned to stress (that eventually became unbearable).

Female friends were so excited and wanted to jump on the bandwagon helping me plan my wedding. One showed up with a large stack of wedding magazines, telling me that there was a checklist of 80 things that I needed to do. Another friend wanted to take over the wedding. She was very traditionalist and mortified I did not want to do certain things that are always done.

If you go to the “emotional” thread here on

weddingbee, you will get an idea of the tremendous amount of stress that wedding planning can involve, and all the conflict that occurs with friends, families, bridesmaids, etc.

Let her enjoy the holidays with her family. Propose afterward. Then spend a couple of months discussing, without input from anyone, (and the only way to do this is not to tell anyone) what you want in a wedding. You may find that the two of you have very different ideas about certain aspects of a wedding, and you need to reconcile your plans. How much money are you intending to spend? Is it more important to spend a lot on a wedding or to have a down payment for a home, etc.?

How much you are willing to spend will determine how many people you can invite. This can be the source of a lot of conflict and compromise. You may have to exclude some people. It is best to come to some sort of conclusion between the two of you before you have to face the chorus of family acting hurt and offended because every distant relative or acquaintance is not being invited.

There is so much more to planning a wedding than I ever imagined, and the two of you should give yourselves some space to plan before being descended upon by hordes of well-meaning friends and relatives. One friend kept telling me I should ignore my fiance’s wishes because it is the “bride’s day” and it should be all about me.

Personally, I don’t think the rush to pick a venue after Christmas should be a determining factor in when you propose. First of all, do not rush to pick a venue. This is another factor that you will want to discuss just between the two of you. Visit a few places, do some research.

I would recommend at least two months of keeping this to yourselves. The longer you can go than that, the better off you will be. The closer you are to the date when people find out, the less time they have to grumble.

The stress was so bad for me that my doctor had to prescribe Ativan. I conducted a poll here on weddingbee about the stress of planning a wedding, it is amazing how many people describe the stress as “unbearable.”

If you propose before Christmas, chances are she will not be able to be around family without telling them. So I recommend waiting until the New Year.

Post # 24
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@fdc:  You will find the perfect proposal. I love the balcony – it will be private and it has a gorgeous view, that’s super romantic. I would do it for the $100 with the prosecco.

As for stand in rings, check ebay and etsy out. I’m sure you’ll find something good there. I’ll try to come back to this post later and help you out.

Post # 26
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@fdc:  I was thinking maybe you can get her a cute, inexpensive ring that she can keep as a right-hand ring and continue to wear and remember the actual proposal by?

Infinity Ring

Heart Ring


Knot Ring

Post # 28
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

That’s terrible news. Virtual hugs for your partner! She’s lucky she has you to support her!

Post # 29
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@fdc:  I’m sorry to hear that. Best wishes. 

Post # 31
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@fdc:  I’m really sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s father. I think you should take the ring, and if a moment arises while you’re out there, you’ll have it on hand. Right now, she probably wants reassurance that you’ll be there for each other in the long term, so it might be a nice way to show that. I don’t know how her family would react though, especially her mother who has just lost her husband 🙁

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