(Closed) Engagement and the Debt Ceiling

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3304 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. My personal opinion, you two just started dating again after you ended your engagement with someone else. I don’t think it is time yet for all of that…. It has only been TWO months. Enjoy your relationship some before getting to obsessed with the waiting. You don’t want to come across as “that girl” who is only looking for a ring.

Post # 4
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

@armychica06: I agree… even if you’ve known the other person for longer, discussing marriage after only two months, when it’s pretty much a rebound relationship, just strikes me as wedding-obsession and desperate.

Post # 5
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

TIMELINES? AFTER 2 MONTHS? Are you trying to scare him away? Knowing someone for 3 years is a LOT different than dating them, or living together, or being MARRIED and I think you trying to push him into talking timelines after 2 months is, to put it bluntly, making you look a little crazy. Do you just miss the idea of being engaged, and having a wedding to plan? Because otherwise I have no idea how someone who has been in a new relationship for only 2 months after ending a long relationship/engagement could be having a “waiting breakdown.” 

Post # 6
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Didn’t you just break off another engagement?  Marriage talk after dating someone for two months seems dangerous to me.  I agree with PP who said that knowing someone for three years is different than being in a relationship. 

I’m sure you’re very excited and in love but I would take it easy.  Down girl! lol There could be a very good chance he is just placating you by giving you a timeline.  Then again, maybe not but even so it’s such a hasty decision.

 

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

At least I don’t have to sound mean saying this, but I don’t care how long you knew someone before dating them, knowing someone and dating them are two different things.

Slow down a little. How is he even able to process a timeline at 2 months? How did he not get freaked out? I’m a woman and I would have gotten freaked out.

I’m not trying to be mean, because I’ve only loved one man, my current SO, but how do you love someone and leave them; then get with someone else and 2 months in, you want to marry this person? Do you love him already? How can you love him already, especially enough to want to spend your life with him?

Post # 8
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Right now, I am pretty much stuck in this city. I don’t want to join the Peace Corps, teach English overseas or take a job in another state because I love you and I don’t want to lose that. But I can’t build any sort of meaningful social life here because I am with you pretty much every weekend. I am ready to at least know we are GOING to be putting down roots at SOME TIME so I can stop feeling like I am in limbo.

This paragraph concerns me GREATLY!!! It seems as though you are investing all of your time and energy into this relationship because it is the only thing that is giving your life purpose right now. I think you need to take a step back from this relationship focus on YOURSELF. You cannot put all of your eggs in this guy’s basket, relying on him to give you direction and roots. Those are things you need to build for yourself before you invest in a relationship. Figure out “what do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? What can I contribute to society?” These are not decisions that a guy you’ve known for 3 years and dated for 2 months should be making for you.

Honestly, I think that the Peace Corps or Teach for America could benefit you greatly. You will have time away from a relationship to do some self-reflection. Relying on someone else to give your life direction is a recipe for disappointment and disaster. 

Post # 9
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@MsMamaBear: I agree wholeheartedly. I don’t care how long you’ve known someone. When you have a friend based relationship vs. an intimate personal relationship the dynamics are completely different.

@EffieTrinket: I’m going to be 100% brutally honest… You sound like your rebounding off of your ex-FI onto some guy you know but obviously don’t know well enough yet. It also sounds like your so desperate to get married and continue all of your planning that your not thinking logically about what a marriage should truly consist of. Also, pressuring him into giving you a timeline sounds absurd and I can see this ending extremely poorly. Why do you need to get engaged basically immediately after being engaged previously? I think you need to deal with the emotional issues of ending a previous engagement before jumping right back into one. Why even push this guy to talk marriage? My SO and I knew we were going to marry eachother and we did say “our wedding” or “our children” many times in that first year but that does not mean we were ready to be married. Slow Down!!

Edited to add: Also, why are you putting your life and plans on hold for some guy you haven’t even been dating that long? Seriouse Red Flag!

Post # 10
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think a lot of PPs have given you some great advice and I just want to drive home the point that being friends with someone and dating someone are 2 different things.

My friend is dating a man that she has been friends with for SEVEN years. They’ve been dating for about a year now and she tells me that she is still learning new things about him. Knowing someone intimately and being with them in a relationship is entirely different from being friends with them. You both have so much to learn about each other.

Please give this relationship some time to grow. If a guy I was dating brought this up to me within 2 months of dating I would RUNNING in the other direction, I don’t blame him one bit for changing the subject.

ETA: I just saw your update. I see that you had dated previously. I think that does change things a bit, but I stand by what I say. Give this relationship time to grow. If he is bringing up timelines I wuold just tell him that you want to enjoy the relationship and want some time to get to know each other again. I still don’t think you’ve been dating long enough to have these kind of talks (even though you were together before… People change!!).

Post # 11
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Only 2 months?? We didn’t even say ‘I love you’ until around 4 months! 

Edited after reading your 2nd post: Dating him previously changes my opinion. Sorry about that! 

Post # 13
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Hmm, well that changes things. Not! lol  Okay, early spring was only a few months ago and the fact that you dated before and broke up (no matter the reason) should make you even more cautious about approaching marriage, regardless of who brought it up.

Look, I’m not trying to piss on your parade or begrudge you any happiness.  But there are some real issues here that shouldn’t be overlooked before you rush into another engagement.  The second in the same year, I might add.

Just think about moving a little slower, no matter how much you love each other.  And I do hope everything works out for you. That is all:) 

Post # 14
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Also, I’m not sure that I made this clear, but we were together before. For a year and a half. The only thing that really broke us up was that he was still living with his family and only doing contract work, so he told me he wasn’t in a place in his life where he was ready to think about marriage. So when I got transferred to another city farther away, we decided to see other people. At that time, it was going to be nearly two hours one way to visit each other.

Essentially you had no problem separating with him the first time you were together because he “wasn’t ready”. So you loved him enough to want marriage but not enough to stay with him through a job transfer? Doesn’t seem like he was fitting into your own timeline.

I realize your age has you itchin to get hitched but be careful! Both your relationships had engagement drama, so most likely someone is going to cave and buy you that ring. but the quality of your relationship and future may be in trouble!

I also apologize in advance if this is off target but we are working on limited information via post,

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