Post # 1
Help! My grandmother called me last night with some great news – my next younger cousin just got engaged (officially, they’ve been "unofficially engaged" since Christmas 2007, but only her immediate family and myself knew this). Which is fantastic and I am happy for the couple – except there’s one thing. My grandmother told me my cousin asked for me to not tell anyone before my wedding (T-19 days) because she wants to make an announcement after the toasts… at my wedding! I called my cousin and asked if she wouldn’t mind letting the family know either before (like this week) or after the wedding is over and she said no, my request is ridiculous. That whole side of the family agrees with her.
Is there anything I can do? Am I being ridiculous? Any suggestions on how to discreetly handle this without offending my cousin and my family? Or should I just brush it off and stop whining about it?
Post # 3
I have no advice to give you but I can say that you are not being ridiculous! You’re wedding is supposed to be about you and your FI’s love and that is really the only day dedicated to the 2 of you! Maybe express to your cousin how this really hurts you and you would really appreciate it not happening that day. Be firm!
Post # 4
Whew. That’s tough. I think it’s totally inappropriate, especially since you’ve already asked her not to make a big announcement at your wedding. I would try telling her point blank that you are not comfortable with her making an announcement, but that if she tells people individually at your wedding that would be fine. Then, I’d cover my bases by making sure the DJ does not let her get the microphone.
Post # 5
I agree. I find that quite rude really. It’s your wedding, it’s not like it’s an ordinary family gathering. Definatley keep her away from the mic!
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
That is pretty rude of her. Maybe she should go watch The Hangover and listen for the audible "uhhhhh" in the theatre when Stu says he’s going to ask his Girlfriend to marry him at Doug’s wedding. People in the theatre actually said "ew", or "uh", or "uhg"!
Tell her she is going to hurt you by doing this and ask her why she would want to do that? Ask her how she woudl feel if someoen did that to her on her and her fiance’s day?
Maybe you could offer to help her plan a seperate engagement party in advance of the wedding?
I’d be pretty irritated too.
Post # 7
That is annoying. I don’t buy into the wedding week/month thing, but you definitely get your *day*!! How would you feel about letting her announce it at your rehearsal dinner? I still think it should really be about you, not her, but maybe that’s a compromise?
By The Way, I’d think it was super weird if a *cousin* of the bride, not even sibling, announced her engagement at a friends’ wedding. Remind her that there will be guests who don’t know her at all, and it’ll be pretty weird for them (as well as for your IL’s).
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all! But that sucks that she doesn’t get it. I would definitely not be happy if someone stole the show at my wedding with something like that, but then again, I suppose there are worse things that could happen!
Post # 9
I am with you on this one. I think it’s your day to shine … you’re the bride, it’s a celebration for you, and therefore nobody should announce anything that will take the spotlight away from you and your groom.
I mean, how many times in your life do you have a celebration where it’s entirely focused on you and the groom … once! It’s not her turn. She’s being selfish and sounds kind of jealous.
Post # 10
That’s all sorts of rude! Its ridiculous that she even request that – its your wedding, not a bunch of people running into each other on the street corner! And the fact that nobody else sees fit to explain to her that you don’t annouce your engagement at someone else’s wedding if they don’t want you to – that’s just….just…I have no words! Wasn’t she invited to birthday parties as a child? Did she annouce random facts about her life, regardless of how big they were, after the birthday child blew out the candles?
Good luck on this and make sure the mic is NO WHERE near her.
Post # 11
I may be mean, but I’d put an ad in the newspaper announcing their engagement "as a gift to them."
J/k I wouldn’t do that, but that is awful on their part!!!
Post # 12
I’m really surprised that your cousin wouldn’t understand your feelings. I think it would be totally inappropriate for this kind of a stunt. I agree with fizicsGirl, maybe you could suggest that she make her announcement at your rehearsal. Reiterate to her that there will be lots of people at the wedding who don’t know her (i.e. your fiance’s family/friends) and it will be uncomfortable.
Post # 13
Wowzers, I am shocked on two counts! One, that she planned this toast without telling you. Um…it’s your wedding, other people don’t get to plan random announcements without telling you! Two, that you specifically asked her not to do this and she said no. Again – this is YOUR wedding, so her saying no shouldn’t even be an option! I guess to me it seems like she’s adding something to the proceedings without your ok, as much as if she decided to throw an extra reading into the ceremony without telling you first (and then refusing to take it out if you found out, ha ha!)
As far as her announcing the engagement…I think that would be ok IF you were ok with it. I don’t think her forcing this on you is ok, though.
How to deal with it is tough – do you have any relatives you could bring in as neutral allies?Maybe call your cousin and have a heart-to-heart about how this would make you feel? Or, I guess you could tell your close friends and posse beforehand so at least it can be a secret eye rolling moment for you guys (yeah…snarky, I know, sorry!) and maybe something you can laugh about later rather than feeling bitter.
Post # 14
Tell her that if she does that at your wedding you’ll be forced to announce that you’re pregnant during her wedding even if you’re not really just so she can see what if feels like to have the spotlight taken. Threaten to get ahold of someone’s ultrasound pictures and pass them around as your own during dinner 😛
Honestly, I can’t even fathom how rude that is! Wow! Besides, presumably half of your guests will be on your FI’s side and half will be on the other side of your family plus your friends so she’ll probably know less than 25% of the people there. What is she thinking?!
Good luck! Let us know how things go.
Post # 15
Heh heh…I was just thinking I would be SO tempted to have the Maid/Matron of Honor or Best Man add something snarky to their toasts before that announcement.
Maid/Matron of Honor, pretending to be joking around: "You know, we’ve (bridal party) been friends for years and we all love the spotlight. I joked with Laurenors before the ceremony that it would be a MIRACLE if we made it through the day without someone trying to upstage her. But here we are and it looks like we did it! Let’s hope we can make it past the toasts now, ha ha!"
Best Man: "I remember when Mr. and Mrs. Laurenor told me they were engaged. We suspected something was up the weekend of the big game but Laurenor bit her tongue because it was Larry’s birthday. That’s are Laur, she’d never want to steal anyone’s spotlight. Anyway…"
Bad Rose, bad! (Slaps hand away from keyboard)
Post # 16
Your cousin is CRAZY!!! I was thinking the same thing Leiann was thinking I would tell her that ok I will be announcing my pregnany at YOUR wedding. How would that feel? Just to make her think about it, if she doesn’t understand, uninvite her. I am mean, but geez she has to have some cooth! Ugh, this makes me mad just thinking about it, you must be steaming!
I like the idea of inviting her to you rehearsal or maybe you could talk to a sibling and have them try to deal with it. GOOD LUCK!