- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2017
Hi Bees. I’ve turned to you for some advice/opinions/help as I don’t know what else to do. My fiance and I have been together for 4.5 years, engaged for almost 3 of those years and we live together. I come from a different country than him and we currently live in his country, but we both speak English and I also speak his language but not extremely well. We communicate mostly in English. He is divorced and has 3 kids whom I get along with mostly. I have no kids and have never been married but have been in long term relationships. We both have some ‘baggage’ but have always had good communication, and mostly seem to have gotten over any major issues and sorted out any big differences. We mostly now bicker over less important things. He is almost 39 and I am 44, so we both have life experience behind us. After going through many major stressors in our relationship such as pregnancy loss, moving, overcoming cultural differences, language differences, health scares, financial issues, step parenting adjustments, living apart due to work for a year etc, we have gotten through them all. Recently I left my career/job and sold my house and came to his country to be with him full time, however I lived here for several years prior. We are due to be married in less than 2 months with a destination wedding planned and people attending from all over. I have covered most of the financial cost since my parents gifted us some funds for the wedding and because he was struggling with his business and we figured he could contribute back later. Several days ago we had an argument over the phone over him poorly explaining legal and prenup issues which we have both agreed to sign. He has been short tempered and passive agressive lately, picking fights, cranky, not really having much interest in the wedding etc. however this has been a stressful time with some outside issues (work etc.) and we have had fights before, although this time I felt more stress than normal due to a series of other glitches right before the fight and I lost my temper, however he did also. Then he took off because I told him I couldn’t take any more fighting at the moment and he has gone to stay with a friend, but for days. He has texted me a few times after spending the first 1.5 days stonewalling me and he has now twice said that he just can’t get married, and that he thinks we should live separate lives. I have spoken to a couple of his close family and friends and they think he is trying to avoid conflict and doesn’t want to face me yet and that he just panicked about the wedding over the fight but I’m now devastated, frustrated, and horrified as I literally have no home, no job/career, and we have shared pets, household, etc. I can’t just pick up and leave as this is a whole procedure and expense living in another country. Now even if he changes his mind I am feeling so angry and upset with him, I feel like he broke my trust even behaving like this but it’s so out of character. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this from their groom?