Sorry this is so long Bees!
About a week and half ago I wrote a post here:
and since then me and the ex have talked. We met up on Saturday to find “closure” or what not but I had to write everything down because I never got the chance to say how I felt.
Jump to Saturday. We meet up at the park – I got there first and he was down toward where I was sitting and we hugged each other tight and we sat down and there was a silence. I told him that I have a lot to say but I think he owed it to me to talk first because well.. he left.
He agreed and rehashed everything from Sunday in a bit more detail and also talked about how we had been together for so long and we were comfortable, etc.. which I completely agreed with..
So then it was my turn. Basically as pathetic as it sounds, it was as if I was begging for him back. To sum up what I said I said, that I understood that he got cold feet and realized he wasn’t ready to get married because I got caught up in the wedding planning when I KNEW he wasn’t about the big wedding and the details and while I was planning, I also realized that I wasn’t ready to get married either but I figured that if we went through the motions we would get through it. I told him that we’re at two different places in our lives, with him being in school and me working which puts a strain on the relationship and how I basically forced him to buy a ring and forced to to propose by a certain date but that for me was all just talk because I just felt the pressure of everyone else saying that it was time.. etcc…
I mentioned that I wasn’t supportive enough when it came to school and how I didn’t understand why it was so hard for him. He was an accounting major and since I work in accounting, it was all so simple for me so I just didn’t get it when he was struggling. He just recently changed his major which was another strain in our relationship but I said if he wanted to drop out of school and be a garbage man, I would support that. I support everything he wants to do.
I said that I honestly think that we can work through this because it all seemed abrupt and how do you say goodbye to someone after 8 years without even trying or even talking about it? I was confused and wanted to fight for him and us but it was like a ton of bricks hitting me when he told me that I didn’t know what to say and just hoped that he was having regrets.
Other problems in our relationship was the fact that we NEVER fought. Like never. Out of the eight years we had been together not once did we yell or scream at one another. We were just passive and kept our feelings to ourselves and just had that resentment toward one another. Also, he was living with me and my family. We figured it would help him financially as we saved for the wedding but that only made us grow farther apart because we didn’t sleep in the same room, we were like roommates…
I mentioned church because he had always grown up in the church but over the past 9 years he had stopped going but when growing up he went every Sunday, whether it was forced or not, I felt that when you grow up in that environment you have faith and then when you stop going, you stop believing and I had always wanted to go with him and I knew he wanted to go back also, but he just has some negative feelings about it sometimes. I told him that we needed a little guidance and perspective from God to help us get through this.
Lastly I said that maybe I’m naive or I just don’t want to believe it but I think that it was more cold feet rather than not being in love with me. Yes, fall a little out of love but not completely and I think that it’s ok to be comfortable but not comfortable enough to settle. I honestly believe that we are meant to be together and that we can work on things because everything was about communication… etc.. etc..
He asked for a copy of the letter and I gave it to him. He said that he didn’t realize that I felt that way about the wedding and marriage and I said exactly, because we didn’t communicate that to one another. He said I touched upon a lot of what was wrong with our relationship. We sat there and talked and came up with hypotheticals and if I would be able to trust him if we got back together. He asked if I understood that he got cold feet and I said absolutely.. We talked, we held hands.. It got cold and then we went and sat in his car to talk some more. We ended up kissing and almost ended up… you know but stopped ourselves because it wouldn’t have been fair. He asked if I understood if he needed to think about things.. I think his main concern is the fact that he doesn’t want our lives or marriage or future to turn out like our parents. His mom left his dad after twenty-something years because he didn’t do anything with his life and just settle for the bare minimum. Then with my parents, it’s a loveless marriage and they’re just together to be together. I told him I would not do that cause I don’t see marriage like that and I don’t want our lives like that at all.
Also for the hypotheticals we discussed things that can be changed in our relationship, nothing negative was talked about.
He told me that we would see each other this week and he needed to think.. I told him I understood.. Later that night we text each other about hockey… we’re huge fans and playoffs are coming.
On Sunday I had text him to tell him the playoff schedule and he said he could go to the Wednesday game, etc.. I said I could go also and now it’s turned into a group thing, which I’m perfectly fine with… just as long as I know where we are.
It sounds as though we’re going in a positive direction and I’m giving him his time to think things through but it’s killing me not knowing and killing me to not text or communicate with him in anyway. We haven’t text since Monday.. Oh I know, big deal, right… one day… but all you girls should understand right… we want answers. I don’t want to pressure him so I’m keeping my texting fingers away from my phone.
I just hope he realizes it was cold feet and is willing to work on our relationship. I had told him since I’m not ready for marriage either, we can just be together. If anyone wants to PM, please do so. Distract me from this madness.
Thanks for reading everyone.