(Closed) Engagement called off – now what?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Went through something similar the first time with Fiance, and yes the not being able to reach out to them is a killer. I posted non stop for days on a message baord to distract my hands from wandering to the phone and the texting…

 

Good luck and be strong…you have done what you can, you need to be at peace with that.

Post # 19
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I feel for you but hate when one person in a relationship puts the other in the position he is putting you in.  He has complete power and control over the relationship and its future and you are letting him.  Either he wants to be with you or he doesn’t.  There should never be a question in his mind and if there is, i just see that as a bad sign. In my opinion (easier said then done) I’d cut my losses and move on…how will you know he won’t do this to you again? I don’t think I could move on from it but just my two cents.  Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The fact that he left in 3 hours, didnt even want to discuss it says a lot.  This breakup while hard may be the best thing he has ever done for you.  Who says he wont do it agian, I think you need to stop all contact with him for like 8+ weeks.  He has all the power in this relationship and that is never healthy, whoever wants it less always has the power, this is not good a realationship should be equal.  I know this is easier said then done but really its probably for the best, there is a huge reason he left in just 3 hours, you dont just pack up everything in 3 hours and disapear with out saying goodbye when you get cold feet…..

Good Luck, the right man, the best man for you is right around the corner, let this one go and let the man of your dreams find you!!!

Post # 21
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry.  Moving out in 3 hours was so extreme, it makes it seem like he was planning it.

Besides that, all of that happened with me and my Fiance.  We broke up for awhile but we worked things out.  I hope you can work them out too!

Post # 22
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Definitely he loves you.  I think he just has too many going on in his life and getting married is just another big pressure on him.  Give him some times, give him some spaces and I think things will get better. 

Post # 24
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 1900

@vannabehr:  Can you block his number in your cell phone?  Or change the contact name to “Ignore This” so that when it comes up on your screen you don’t even check it?

Don’t beat yourself up.  I can’t even begin to imagine the emotions you’re going through right now, but just know that they are totally normal.  And it will get easier.  Just give it time.

Post # 25
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@vannabehr:  I think you two will work out. I went through something similar with my SO…it lasted about 12 days (we also were both getting our degrees in accounting and I saw him everyday, so I think this expedited things), it was weird- I didn’t know if I should text him, if I was being annoying or whatever. BUT, when we did text, I would throw in little comments that reminded him of why he fell in love with me in the first place. That break was the best thing that ever could have happened to us- he tears up now if we talk about it, sometimes it takes losing something great to realize what its worth. I have high hopes for you two though.

ETA: I changed his name to jackass or something like that in my phone- it helped ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 26
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

How are you going with this? I’m on the edge of my seat biting my nails out of stress! I agree with most of what the other girls said in that his leaving in 3 hours, with your folks there or not, is very extreme. Has he offered any steps to show he wants to continue as well?

Post # 27
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh sweet girl… I, like others, do not like this power play that there is now in the relationship, and as someone who was once previously in your position (minus the engagement), I know how difficult it can be to be as the one with the lower hand. My advice would be to find some things that you can do just for you… take a class you’ve wanted to take, find a new workout, start socializing with friends you may have lost contact with… as difficult as it may be, try your hardest not to be entirely consumed in getting him back. You do not want to find yourself in a position where you are saying and doing everything that you think is right to convince him of your worth… actually, you should never have to convince anyone about how special and worthy you are. These types of situations can be incredibly draining, exhausting, and ultimately, not get you what you want in the long run. That said, I know it’s a tough road.

Love this song… helped me a great deal with my break-up…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45ZdlFKYd84

and three years later when he checked in to see how I was doing and initiate a “talk”, I was planning my wedding with my Fiance ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 29
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well I don’t think you’re crazy to go see a reader!  Whatever helps is good.  But he might, so probably a smart move XD  He very clearly walked away from his own happiness, but I’m hoping he’ll realize that soon!  If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot.

I second changing the name to “Jackass” so you can remember that you have some justified anger to work out.  It seems unfair that he gets to keep you in limbo and have you respond to him just the way you always did.  It’s good that you’re friendly, but the (perhaps unfair and spiteful) part of me feels like he gets to have his cake and eat it too.

I also think that it’ll work out between you guys!  I just think he needs to get a bit of a grip and either have the courtesy to not keep reminding you that things are uncertain and not contact you, or, make a decision.  You are dead on about not moving in with him yet, it takes so long to rebuild that trust.

Post # 30
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I really think you need to tell him to stop contacting you untill you are ready, no way can you go from Fiance we are getting married to hey we are friends, it just can not happen unless there is space.  You need to heal and he needs to respect that.  It will help you heal faster and have more of a clear head when the time comes that you are ready to actually talk to him again

he left in 3 hours, he had people help him move and knew where he was going to move to.  This was well planned and well thought out and he never even talked to you before he did it. Really tell him to stop contacting you untill you contact him and give yourself at least a month if not 2 of absolutly no contact.  Then you both can see IF you miss eachother and want to move forward or if you realize he did you a favor by moving out and ending it.  Time heals all wounds, give it a shot!!

Good Luck 

The topic ‘Engagement called off – now what?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors