(Closed) Engagement & Friendship Loss

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

YES!!! My fiancé and I got engaged Dec. 2015 and we’ve seen a decline in our friendships too… Some of my close friends growing up don’t make us a priority anymore even when we’re available to hang out most of the time. Some of my gf’s want nothing to do with me bc were still in college and they think it’s weird that I’m getting married at 22. There’s maybe 1 person who I can depend on. It’s so strange??? i feel like the world has turned its back on me and avoids me like the plague. Sounds extreme but it’s true.  Haven’t had anyone try and break us up, but that’s even worse!! I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 3
Member
912 posts
Busy bee

No we didn’t lose friends because of our engagement…I would say those probably weren’t great friends to begin with, if they drop you just because you’re engaged.

I don’t understand why that couple would start rumors..what are they upset about, exactly? People are really weird.

Post # 4
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We haven’t so much lost friends ourselves, as our friends seem to have imploded upon themselves.  H and I chose to destination elope, to have the ceremony just us.  That was what worked for us, and we decided to not let others guilting us about not throwing them a party or having it in his mom’s living room deter us.  

We did not expect to have showers or bachelor/bachelorette parties, but friends insisted, and H told me it’d be easiest to go along with it, and might make them all feel almost like we’d had a wedding for them to attend – so I said fine.  One set of girls planned a wine and painting party and dinner for my bachelorette.  I am 39, H and I have ben together 20 years (yes and just got married, I know) and have no interest in penis tiaras or strippers and this sounded great.  Another group of ladies thought I really wanted strippers and that the first group was just showing off how “churchy” they are, and insisted on asking me if I wanted what I called a dildo-tupperware party where a person tries to sell sex toys to a group while embarssing me(nothing against them, don’t want to buy with an audience), or lingerie party, and I told them nope, not me.  They insisted on a shower, so I said, how about something H’s mom can come to, so she won’t feel she missed out of everything?  This blew up into some huge tea party with a week of baking and food prep, and it was very nice, but the girls were all at each other’s throats all while trying to hide from me how much they were starting to hate each other.  And I was like, wasn’t this why I didn’t want a “real” wedding?  To avoid this?

So now we have a rift between friends who used to all be fine hanging out for a board game night once a month – the group that was about 20+ people has now dwindled to about 8, and those shunned from game-night have not started their own competing events, leaving us stuck between friends. O_o

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

My sister is jealous because shes been with her by for 3 years and they’re not engaged. She’s distant. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by mrs110.
Post # 6
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It started to happen during the dating stage and has really taken off now that we’re *this* close to marriage.

It’s not that our friends were bad people or anything; We’ve all just gone out separate ways mainly because Fiance and I do NOT have a niche that we fit into. I’m 29 and he’s 30 and we have absolutely NO one in our social circle that’s actually MARRIED. LTR sure, but married? Nah. That created a lot of problems and resentment. All the couples we know who are married are a lot older than us and with children.

basically, we get to live like single peoplein that we have no children and an expendable income, but we don’t have anyone who likes to do what we like to do: camping (without kids), playing sports (competitive and our age group), etc.

It’s lonely at times, but what can ya do lol

Post # 7
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

No, I didn’t experience anything like that, even from friends who have been waiting for a proposal from their BFs for years. Everyone was happy for us and excited to celebrate our engagement and wedding. I agree with what 

View original reply
califlorican said. If getting engaged destroys your friendship, either the friendship wasn’t strong to begin with or the friend in question has serious self-esteem/projection issues.

Post # 12
Hostess
4604 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
FantasticFawn:  I agree.  We haven’t had this at all and I have many friends who are waiting for their SOs to propose.  We lost one “friend” but she was awful beforehand and we weren’t close, so I don’t really count that. 

View original reply
MrsDerushie16:  I think it has a lot to do with being young.  None of my friend got married at 22 (we’re 27).  Your friends probably are having a hard time relating to you two or maybe are concerned things are going to change once you get married. 

Post # 13
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’ve experienced that. One of my closest friends actually tried to ruin his proposal by telling me after dating for a year “we were moving to fast,” when in reality she was jealous because her boyfriend of three years just moved across the country. She called MY SISTER to discuss how upset she was that Fiance didn’t ask for her advice while choosing my ring and did speak to other friends and was trying to spread rumors as well that Fiance was a bad guy. There was a reason he didn’t speak to her and her big mouth was said reason. Other friend’s chose sides, but it was iroic that the friends who chose her side were the ones either single or in a LTR that had no future. Jealousy is very ugly so just remember that. And anyone who doesn’t remain your friend through one of your happiest moments doesn’t need to be there anyways!

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