Post # 1
I just need to vent and get some perspective. I guess this is the best place to do it. Poll is just for fun.
My Fiance and I are engaged. I know it, he knows it, Our famiies , barring my Dad, know we are getting married next year. We are planning, everything is going as it should.
Here is the kicker, There is no ring. He will not ask my Dad for his blessing without a ring to propse with.
We picked a ring November last year, so I thought anytime now, it will happen… Christmas went past, new years, my 29th birthday… then I find out he has not finished paying for the ring. the ring was MAJORLY reduced due to a Christmas promotion, I was stalking the shop’s website and as I spotted it I told him to call the store and freeze it at that price. Or say even though we had purchased it at one price we wished to have it at the lower price. He didn’t so however long it takes him to pay it off, is however long I have to wait, plus some!
So we tried on the ring and I dont like it. Like at all. When we ordered it I had to try it on my little finger due to size. The stone is just to small (.33ct on my v- finger). How ungrateful do I sound? I told him (later that week) that I didn’t like it as it was a bit too close to looking like a wedding band on my finger, Weirdly, he always hated the ring and I loved it or the idea of it. Now the roles are reversed.
We went ring shopping (again!). tried on the .50ct and the .66ct and it was perfect. Unfotunately it is way out of our budget, especially after I crashed his car on Saturday whilst parking. . We are going to Hatton Gardens next week to see if we can get a better deal (i.e better quality stone for the money)
Am I being crazy at needing a ring to feel properly engaged? I feel as if I can’t be to open with my plans. And I haven’t had my official, spoken to daddy, on one knee, facebook status changing proposal that the ring entails…
Post # 3
Why not buy a setting and, until finances are up to par, use a moissy or an asha as a centre stone? If you really want a diamond, they are amazing looking stones to use for now, and you can eventually upgrade the centre stone to a diamond later one (would be as simple as buying a loose diamond and swapping it out in the setting).
I believe you can get a pretty good moissy or asha stone for a fraction of what a diamond would cost you.
Post # 4
I tried the idea of getting a Moissy, but He was incredulous that I could prefer a piece of ‘glass’ over a diamond…
He is of the mind that whatever he’d picked, I’d have to like, I told him that I have to love it forever, I want to pass it down to my daughter one day. Final say is mine In My Humble Opinion. I may sit him down (post Valentine’s day and talk about what some possible options are.
Post # 5
It’s sounds like you’re going to have to choose: do you want to be married or do you want a ring? Both are totally acceptable options– but you have to accept that if you end up waiting long, you made the choice.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@bookworm88: I totally agree! To me the ring is a material symbol of the promise you’re making to each other, so it’s not neccessary to have one to be engaged (: You’re going to have to choose which is more important to you (the ring or the marriage).
Post # 7
Didnt you post about this before?
Its only a ring. If you want a bigger cut then get a CZ or Moissy for the time being. Upgrade later! Not everyone can afford a big ring when their young so just upgrade it down the road!!
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
I agree with takemyhand about getting the setting you like and having a stand in. Since he doest like the idea of a piece of “glass” how bout a lower quality diamond? Or a semiprecious stone? Keep searching ebay, Craigslist, Etsy and all the other sites for something that you can agree on temporarily. You guys have tons of options here! Good luck!
Post # 9
I agree 100% with bookworm….. I was engaged for several moths without a ring and wasnt bothered at all. I knew that me and my Fi had already committed our hearts and lives to each other and thats what matter. Now that I have it (and its very nice) I dont feel any more engaged then before.
Post # 10
Engaged with no ring is fine. Engaged without actually announcing it to friends/family (most of them may informally know it’s hapenning, but by your own admission, your father doesn’t know, and hasn’t been asked, which evidently is important to both of you) is not. I would halt planning until the engagement is OFFICIALLY official.
Post # 11
I have no idea how to do the @ thing yet (still a newbee) so I’ll say a big thanks and hope I address all the points in summary.
(Specail hey to rush1986, I have had a slight posting spree in the last 24hours, but this is my very first thread, so in answer to your question, no. )
I am not attached to the idea of a massive ring, and I dont like the idea of changing the ring setting later on. A moissy substitute would be great for me. Definitely an issue to re discuss (esp a cheaper stone perhaps)
I think what is narking me is the fact I feel I can’t really tell anyone when I want to do the happy dance and shout it from the rooftops. My siblings and mum know, and my pastor (we are quite close), But My dad is very tradtional and would not be happy to know that he was the last to know, unfortunately I think it will get to him before Fiance talks to him. (Mum/ stepdad not exactly discreet, close knit community, etc). (I agree with missnoodles on this one, v important to me and therefore important to him) Secondly, not as big, I hate talking to people and everytime I mention we are planing a wedding, they look at my hand or ask to see the ring.
My marriage is the most important thing, neither of us want anymore debt, or to live beyond our means, the wedding is happening next year August irregardless, then married life begins … I can imagine this thread makes me sound a little spoilt, but I just feel slightly in limbo.
Post # 12
I can’t decide how to answer the poll.
We’re planning our wedding – well, our elopement 😉 He told me last month to go ahead and start planning the things I want and we’ve been putting together our budget for what we’re doing, but there’s no ring. Part of the reason (actually, all) is that we’re long distance, so proposing is a bit tricky unless he does it on skype :p A couple of my girl friends know we’re planning, since I wanted advice about dresses, but we’re waiting to tell our families until he officially asks. It’s not so much that the ring matters (I picked out a less than $100 ring that suits me fine) but that I want it to be 100% official. So I can definitely understand your hesitation to shout it from the rooftops without the ring, but I don’t think you should let it get you down while waiting for the ring – the promises have been made.
Post # 13
Hi- if you want the BEST bang for your buck, your best bet is buying (omg say that 5x fast) preowned. You will be charged MUCH higher for a ring purchased from a jeweler. MUCH HIGHER. You are better off buyin a ring from jamesallen.com or bluenile. Although purchasing preowned is really the only way to guarantee the least markup. My bf bought my ring from the site idonowidont.com
you should check it out 🙂
Post # 14
We were planning before the ring but didn’t announce it as an engagement until we got the ring, only because he had bought it and we had this long waiting period because my fingers are a less common size. So instead of waiting he asked, we planned, then he asked formally with the ring. I know plenty of people who planned weddings without rings and only exchanged bands at the ceremony. I don’t believe a couple needs an expensive peice of metal and a stone to solidify a promise they’ve made to each other. If you lost an e ring or a wedding band would you be any less married? It’s about the committment not the ring.
Post # 15
in regards to the poll… my parents have been married for 28 and a half years and my Dad couldn’t afford to buy my Mom an engagement ring when they got engaged. The ring is not important, at least not in my opinion. I have a beautiful ring in mind for my future engagement ring but I would be just as happy going to City Hall and getting married with our friends and family by our sides, and only having a wedding band.
Post # 16
My Fiance proposed with a ring I loved and he hated! I told him I want a ring we both loved so we found one and we are both happy, but it took about two weeks to get the new ring. The longest two weeks of my life! I realize that the ring is not the most important part, but it is an important part. I don’t feel it’s materialistic at all to want a ring. I LOVE that when people see me one of the first things that they know about me is that I’m engaged! J
I think the ending of your post is the most telling “And I haven’t had my official, spoken to daddy, on one knee, facebook status changing proposal that the ring entails…” It’s not just the ring, it’s the whole even of the proposal and being officially engaged. For me it didn’t feel as real without the ring, and I even had the down on one knee proposal.
I would talk to your Fiance and let him know how important it is to you to have the whole experience. I would also talk a bit more about the finances of the ring. Perhaps another stone would be a good compromise if he doesn’t want a mossie (I’m not even sure what that is but I’m assuming it’s a CZ of some type), perhaps his birthstone or yours or just a stone that you both love.