(Closed) Engagement has been miserable. Please help.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think before you go through with having a wedding, the very first thing you and your Fiance need to do is learn to communicate and listen to each other.  Couples counseling would probably help a lot, here.  This is not simply a wedding planning problem, because the wedding is just one step in the rest of your lives.  Whenever you have other strains, this is how you’ll both communicate which is not going to solve problems.  The second thing you need to do is wait to get married until you two start getting on the same track and maybe save up some money, so it’s not such a financial burden on you both.

Post # 5
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MadameTussaud:  I agree.

OP: It sounds like you are both seriously stressed out. Get some counselling to figure out how to communicate and seriously consider postponing the wedding until you have sone money saved up for it.

Post # 6
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

First: Do you want to marry him after this, do you still love him? Are you less excited due to his attitude or because you wanted an actual wedding?

Can you put off the wedding plans for now and focus on each other? Is eloping totally out of the question?

 

Post # 8
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Fiance and I did couples counseling before we got engaged and it really helped us learn to communicate. But honestly, it took over a year to see changes. They don’t happen super fast. How long have you been doing it? And is it just you and Fiance talking or does your counselor give input? Our therapist was great about giving 3rd party input and it helped to see things from an outsiders view. Having someone emotionally uninvested telling Fiance and I are faults really helped open our eyes and learn the tools we needed to communicate more effectively.

 

I also think you need to sit down with each other and each make a list of what you want in your wedding, what you don’t want and compare lists. Then work together to find out what is important to the both of you (not your family!). When you’re on the same page you’re going to be a lot less stressed. If someone makes a comment about you needing to do something or not doing something, just tell them simply that you’re planning your wedding to fit your needs.

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@InATizzy:  Sometimes you have to shop around for a counselor that clicks with you both.  It might be time to find someone new, or decide if you and your Fiance are fundamentally different and not compatible in that way.  How long have you been together?  

Post # 13
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you need to postpone honestly… especially until he gets his financial situation figured out. Planning a big wedding is going to be stressful, even more so with the layoff. I think he is also being a brat, I wouldn’t stand for it, but I agree that counseling might work here. If he is not being compromising right now, that dosn’t bode well for a marriage when there are going to be more difficult decisions to make. This part of the relationship definitely needs to be worked on before you two get married.

I kinda want to slap him with a reality stick for you.

Post # 14
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i think you should postpone it, he’s being unreasonable. His position is “i dont put anything for the wedding *I* want, but it will be *MY* way, it’s not about you, it’s about *ME*”

He’s being  bridezilla… yeah… him.

So, if an actual wedding is what you are doing to please him (since you stated you’d like to elope) then postpone it until he can find a job and contribute.

Post # 15
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Finances are one of the biggest marriage splitters. I think men have a lot of pressure to provide, and there is nothing worse than loosing your job. Your Fiance may be dealing with the aftermath of job loss in a diffrent way, perhaps he is having trouble dealing with it emotionally and your seeing it channeled on to the wedding issue.

Just be honest with each other, and take a few steps back. Consider your love for each other and how it has withstood time. Don’t let time pressures for a wedding and money ruin it! Don’t forget this too shall pass!

Post # 16
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds like he fights in a very childish way and you sound like you take responsibility every time you fight. You can’t be wrong ALL the time. You should stop apologizing and wait now and then for him to learn to do it. He sounds like a little boy who holds his breath to get his way. Pre marital concealing would help you two a lot. It couldn’t hurt.

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