- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I’m just looking for input. Bear in mind that I’ve already “talked it out” many many times. You can probably refer to my previous posts about similar subjects, but you don’t have to.
I moved in with Fiance a few months ago (we were already engaged at that point). We are both on relatively low incomes, but we were doing fine. However, planning a wedding is expensive. We have fought over aspects of that because I’ve tried to cut costs, and every idea that I’ve had has been shot down. Not even just a “I’ll consider it”, I just get laughed at like I’m not serious and don’t know what I’m talking about.
Our wedding isn’t “expensive” by wedding standards, but it certainly isn’t cheap. We have some help, but we are paying for more than half ourselves.
Fiance got laid off when his company closed recently. Money is going to get a hell of a lot tighter.
I’m stressed and frustrated because this wedding is “what we could afford” which is STILL too much, and I wanted a SMALL WEDDING to begin with, but in an effort to not be a bridezilla, I ended up getting run over by FI’s and his family’s wishes. I’m not even excited about it. I kept telling myself that I would be fine because the point is “I’m getting married” and I love him, but now ALL WE DO is fight.
When I try to talk it out with him, he won’t tell me what’s wrong. He just says he’s stressed about money/job things. I can’t get him to say what I’m doing wrong. He constantly snaps at me. If I forget something, and just MENTION that “Oh I didn’t know we have [something] tomorrow” he’s immediately defensive telling me that yes I did. It’s incredibly obnoxious when it’s CONSTANT and he’s alreayd pushed me to plan this stupid wedding, and it’s on me to figure out how to pay for it, and I keep digging my heels in and saying that we can’t afford this, and he just WILL NOT sit down and look at other options.
Every single thing (besides the color scheme) that I wanted to make my day “feel special” (since I wasn’t excited about the wedding, I tried to add little things to make it feel more like *my* wedding) has had to be cut. And even though we can’t afford what we have, FI’s family/friends STILL find wys to complain. Even if it isn’t complaining it’s nitpicking. “OH, ALL brides want THIS” or “Oh you don’t REALLY need to do THAT do you?”.
He isn’t on my side is any of this, and though I keep trying to get him to understand (though he claims he does, but clearly doesn’t since it’s STILL happening) he still acts like he “gets” it, but Ill just get over it. I told him that no, it isn’t “normal” for brides to cry constantly just because it’s “stressful” and he said he wasn’t sure. I do NOT need anyone to tell me how I do and do not feel. I’m not crying about decorations or flowers, I’m crying because he is making it seem like he doesn’t give a crap about my feelings.
I get that he’s stressed, but I’m so tired of trying to see things HIS way when he clearly doesn’t try to see things my way. He only even CONSIDERS how I might feel if I spell it out after we’ve fought about it, but it still doesn’t do any good. I’m so SICK of fighting over everything.
I get that people can’t get along 100% of the time, but even little comments or misunderstandings HAVE to blow up. He HAS to storm off and stop speaking to me like a toddler, and I’m SO TIRED of having to go ask “what’s wrong” and sit down, and have a big discussion over how I’m so sorry I told him to stop snapping at me over little things, and blah blah here are my feelings that you don’t care about. He will NEVER be the one to break the silence. Even now, I’m upset because he went off on me and stomped away, and he’s sitting and watching TV and not speaking to me.
I don’t know what to do. I feel myself not wanting to be around him anymore, and it’s terrifying. Every little thing is something he has to “walk away from for a minute” and it’s to the point that we haven’t gone one day without fighting at least twice.