(Closed) Engagement has been miserable. Please help.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree that even if it costs you loss of some deposits, it’s better to postpone than to marry the wrong person. Now I’m not saying he’s the wrong person, but I can tell you (I was married for 25 yrs and have two kids) that planning a wedding, while stressful and expensive, is NOTHING compared to many things you will face in life. If he cannot be supportive and treat you lovingly and respectfully now – even though he is majorly stressed out – he is giving you a good heads up for how things will go in your married life when the going gets tough. If you are in tough financial times now, postpone or cancel, go get some seriously good counseling, and if you decide to go ahead with the marriage, you can always do a simple elopement and agree to ahve the big wedding when you can afford it.

Losing a job is a major stressor, but life will be full of stress. Children, illness, finances, family issues etc., will all bring tremendous stress. How anyone handles that is important to pay attention to. IF you can’t stick together when times get tough, if you are not treated with love and respect, you will not stay married.

Post # 18
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012


It sounds to me like he is embarrassed at and in denial about not being able to provide for the wedding he wants. He needs to learn to work with you as a team and to put that above his own idea of what a wedding is. It sounds like it’s time to speak to him at a neutral time when you are both calm about how all this is making you feel and what you want. Start by talking about all the things you love about him and how you want your wedding to reflect yours and his love rather than being an identical gathering to everyone else’s. I hope it helps.

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