Engagement is OFF

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m proud of you for taking a stand and rejecting his pathetic excuses (‘I have a problem saying no’?? Yeah that’s literally the problem, it’s not an excuse… and as if all these women approach him).

But, I wouldn’t get myself more entangled by telling the husband. I know it’s tempting but honestly just cut ties with all of them and walk away with your dignity. Leave them all to figure it out themselves and make a better life for yourself. 

Post # 3
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Just screen shot all thier interactions and send them to her husband, he has a right to know and deserves the respect of being told. I caught my ex cheating with a gutter-slut like that and one of the first things I did was alert the nasty cunt’s boyfriend. Send them to him with a note saying “sorry you had to find out like this but here are the facts”

Post # 4
Member
4498 posts
Honey bee

1.  I am very glad you listened here and that you have no problem saying no. 

2.  I get that you are angry, but you really need to stay out of other people’s relationships.  Yes, it sucks and this woman’s husband probably deserves better, but it really only sounds like you want to do it to hurt her rather than help him and that is the wrong reason.  Every relationship is different – take the high road and let them figure their own relationship out.  That doesn’t mean you have forgiven her – just walk away and don’t look back.  That is the best thing you can do right now.  Cut ties with both of them.

Post # 5
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m sorry that happened. He sounds like a pretty horrible human being and  Thank God you didn’t marry him! You really dodged a bullet there.

 

As for whether you should tell the woman’s husband, I think you should just walk away and here’s why. If you presented it as feeling the husband has the right to know (he does!), or concern for his health (since he thinks he’s in a monogamous relationship when he’s not), or anything along those lines I would support telling him. Wanting to protect another person is noble and I think we have to follow our moral conscience when we are so directed.

But your motivating factor is revenge. I don’t blame you for that, I can absolutely understand that. But telling her husband as a means to an end outs him in the line of fire. And I just can’t support causing someone that kind of devastation if the goal is to exact revenge. 

 

You’re better than this. Screw your ex and the “friend”. Move on with your life.

Post # 6
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I do understand the train of thought that one should stay out of other people’s marriage/relationships, but in this case if it were me who was being cheated on, I would DEFINITELY want to know. Even if it came from a random person on Facebook. I would tell the husband so he can know the whole truth. 

Post # 7
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would want to know if I was her husband.

Post # 8
Member
4816 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Tell the husband and then move on finally. 

Post # 9
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would take the photos and send to the husband so he can see with his own eyes- because you just know his wife will make up excuses and say it’s not true. 

He has a right to know about this – his health is at risk. Save-The-Date Cards are no joke! They can kill 

Post # 10
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Usually I would say stay out of it but someones health could be at risk and I wouldn’t want that on my conscience. I’d absolutely want to know if I was possibly being exposed to Save-The-Date Cards. What he chooses to do with the information is completely up to him but he’ll be making an informed decision. No need to follow up or be further involved just send the information and move on with your life. 

Post # 11
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“I just don’t feel the love anymore”

This is EXACTLY how I felt about my ex. After a certain point in this cycle of him treating me like shit then groveling for forgiveness, I just became cold to him. My heart no longer had the capacity to love him. That’s when I knew it was really over – I just stopped caring one way or the other.

I dunno if you should tell the husband or not. I never know what to say to people in these situations. I would want to know if I were her husband, but at the same time, I think you need to focus on healing yourself now, and getting involved in this couple’s drama could be a setback for you (even though you might feel vindicated in the short run).

Post # 12
Member
6603 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

readytowed32 :  well thank goodness for that!  Cut all contact, don’t give him the chance to crawl back.  And yes, tell that poor woman!  Do unto others and all that; I would want to know so no matter how badly it backfires, I feel the other person deserves to know as well.  It’s not about stirring up drama, it’s about clueing in someone who is (possibly) in the dark and at risk of his own health.

Post # 13
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I personally would tell. I know some people consider it meddling, but I’ve been on the other end, and I still wish those who knew would have just clued me in, because dating a cheater can only ever be a devastating surprise or a devastating mindfuck. I’ve never considered telling the other’s SO to be an act of immaturity or maliciosness. You do it out of respect and consideration for the other SO, because they’re emotionally invested too, and learning that someone knew and didn’t tell you is crushing in its own way. 

Post # 14
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

Wow you definitely dodged a bullet. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and left him. Forget you and God, that woman should be praying her husband forgives her.

Post # 15
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

Tell the husband. He has a right to know what has been going on behind his back. Be sure to include any interaction you had with her personally so she cant deny it.  Then I would delete my FB account, block your exes number and move on. You need closure and in order to get that you need to leave your fiance and all his trash behind you. The best is yet to come Bee! Hang in there.

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