(Closed) Engagement lie. What do I do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry you’re facing this so shortly after experiencing the high of getting engaged. I would also be hurt that he lied. Like you said – if he proposed with a string you would have loved it just as much..but why lie?! How long would he have kept the lie up for? This really would be a red flag for me..but you need to determine how important this lie is to you b/c only you know what your tolerance for lies is.

I think you need to sit down and explain to your Fiance how your feeling. I think you deserve more than just an apology – you deserve an explanation. This is NOT something I would forgive easily since he was essentially trying to fool you…

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry, but you keep saying you would haev been happy with a string and then you contradict yourself, several times. You were ecstatic when he gave it to you, so I think you should try to be happy with it; however, I also think that it was wrong of him not to come clean when you asked about it. I am sure that he was just very embarrassed and now feels backed into a corner. I suggest that you have a calm talk with him and let him know that it was the lie that made you mad; not that he got you a ring that literally saved the budget. I would also ask him about “where” the extra money from his pay check is going, if not to the household.

I would be livid if my Fiance did that to me; lied to me, not so much the ring. I would be disappointed with him and I would be upset that he thought so little of me not to tell me the truth, and this probably sounds selfish, but I would also like to know there would be an upgrade available in the future. Maybe this is not really the ring, and he is waiting to get the other one. I would also ask to see the “paperwork”. Sorry, the lie is not a good thing. It would make me wonder what other things he lied about.

Post # 5
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I see where you are coming from and I would be mad too. A string is plainly a string and is not masquerading as something else, whereas this ring WAS disguised and THEN he also lied. And to add insult to injury, it was only ten dollars. My question would be “why order the ten dollar ring in the first place?” What was the thinking behind that – because that is weird to me.

Also, I got “lied” to during my engagement process. I was really ready to get engaged, and Fiance was dragging his feet. One night he told me “the ring is on the way. six weeks.” He was drunk, and it was a very BAD lie just to buy time. Now we are engaged and I do trust him…but there were some shaky moments.

Do you think he feels unsure? Or is he a typical clueless guy? 😉

Post # 6
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The thing that stands out from everything you said was that he said “well you wondered where my paychecks went…” This isn’t just a case of someone who was planning to tell you but then changed his mind when he saw you happy…were you really questioning where his money was going? The fact the ring is not made of diamonds is not significant, but $10?? I’m sorry, but my first thought is that something else is going on.

Post # 7
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What is it made of?  Sterling silver?  There are a lot of rings that are made of gold with synthetic or stimulant diamonds that are still inexpensive.  That just sounds like someone he could have bought off one of the cards at Kohl’s.

The thing that really bothers me is that he lied.  Obviously, you have been wondering where his money was going and since it didn’t go to an engagement ring, I wonder where it really went.

Post # 8
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

He shouldn’t have lied. To go as far to say “You’ve wondered where my paychecks have been going…” is just unreal. Um, if he only spent $10 on the ring– where DID the checks go??

I don’t actually have a problem with him spending $10 on a ring. If my Fiance spent that, I wouldn’t care… if he loved it & it was bought out of love then whatever! The lying is not cool though. Time for a talk. I think you need to figure out where he’s been spending his money & what else he’s been lying about.

Post # 9
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well where are his paychecks going then? That’s my question.

Post # 10
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I am sorry he lied to you. I would ask him where all the money went, and get to the bottom of this.

Post # 11
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am so sorry that this happened to you 🙁

I would be upset, too. It is awful to be lied to, I know because I’ve been there too and really the only way to get over it is to get to the bottom of it. You have to talk to him and let him know that you need to know the whole truth, including where the money really went, and why he felt he needed to lie in the first place.

Post # 12
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I get what you’re saying with the $10 thing.  If he had proposed and IMMEDIATELY said “It’s only a $10 ring, but I love you and wanted to show you.”  you’d be happy.  But even if he HAD proposed with a string, or told you it was a $10 ring, there is still the expectation there that he will (oneday) get you “something better” whatever that means to the two of you.  But instead he gave you a ring, made it sound expensive and fancy, and never let you in on the fact that it’s not actually the $4k ring you thought it was.  Proposing with a 25 cent string is romantic if done right, proposing with a $10 ring and then LYING about it is just wrong.  I seriously don’t think he takes you very seriously, he can’t even be honest about one thing!

Post # 13
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is not a man I would marry. For a lot of reasons, and I think you know them all.

Post # 14
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Like everyone else already said, it’s not about the ten dollars.  It’s about being dishonest.  And yes, where is the money?  Finances are a really important issue and you need to make sure that you’re ok with each other’s spending habits.

Post # 15
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I get where your coming from… but in defense of men who buy rings from ebay my husband bought a 1.5 carat ring for around 500 dollars. The diamond isn’t perfect but it was beautiful and in our price range 🙂

  I would totally be pissed he lied to me though. I noticed he said, “Where do you think my paychecks have been going?” I think it’s time to ask.

Post # 16
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

girl, find out where he’s been spending his $$. its not about the ring, its about the lie.

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