- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
If you read my last post, you’ll know that several months ago I was having a hissy fit over not being engaged (silly me), and starting to focus more on myself. Well after reconnecting with my guy and figuring out what we really wanted, we ended up engaged. Crazy right? Silly fussy me getting what I wanted. I was overjoyed, and now we’ve been saving every penny to pay for the wedding in November.
But there’s a catch. I got to celebrate my engagement for about ten minutes (those minutes spent alone with my guy), before I decided to tell my parents. Their reaction? My mother sort of passed it off as if I’d just told her I’d bought a new pair of underwear, my dad said nothing. My older sister said something to the effect of “I’m sick, I don’t feel like dealing with this right now.”. Trying to be polite, I went ahead and called my grandmother before I announced it via Facebook, and she said “you’re out of your damn mind.” Sure she apologized the next day, but the damage was done. Thankfully on Facebook people seemed happy and excited for us. Since then, my extended family treat my engagement as some terrible secret they like to keep in the dark. Or occassionally gossip about it.
Any mention of my wedding is thrown in my face. My family gets incredibly annoyed just because I’m excited about getting married. In arguements, they say hurtful things about my wedding that has absolutely nothing to do with the arguement. When I told my older sister I’d love for her to be my maid of honor, she just laughed at me. I wanted to throw an engagement party for myself in an attempt to be happy for the occassion, but my family tore that down too. So I decided just to celebrate with my bridesmaids and groomsmen. After switching the dates about 3 times for them, only one of my bridesmaids could make it. My sister didn’t feel like going, one didn’t want to spend the money to visit, one had a play she had to go to. Only one bridesmaid could go (I assume since I hadn’t heard from her either). My SO and I were paying for everything, even providing rides. We decided not to have the party.
I made the mistake of wanting to go dress shopping with my mom. Again, any mention of such a thing annoys her. She promised to go and look at dresses in December, but never did. When I asked her when we could go dress shopping (that November) she told me the only time she could go was when she was on break. Her break fell around my dad’s birthday. She said she “didn’t want that ‘mess’ (dress shopping’ to taint” my dad’s birthday. Again, I was paying for the dress. Not her. So I don’t understand why just spending a few hours with me is such a big deal.
Several family members make me feel bad for not wanting my half-sister to be a bridesmaid. My half-sister and I have no relationship, and are frankly not on good terms. My mom has forced me to make her bridesmaid anyway.
Anytime I try to talk to other people about my wedding, say for one person who is pushing for us to just get married by the JOP, always turns it into a conversation about what THEY want for their weddings. These girls aren’t engaged. I listen to my older sister rant and rave about her boy troubles, but she won’t give me the time of day to hear about my plans. She claims that I’m “idolizing” my wedding/marriage.
At this point I’m beaten down and totally exhausted. I”m considering just eloping or postponing it indefinitely so I can recover. Maybe I deserve all this. What should I do? What would any of you do? Are they justified? Sorry for the long post and all the ranting. I’m at the end of my rope. Please help.