- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
My fiance (34 yo) and me (28 yo) have been together for eighteen months. We were marriage minded when we met, but much of our relationship has been us getting our finances together and hashing out the issues we needed to agree on before we got engaged.
We got engaged spontaneously last night, we were having a lovely golden moment celebrating the third year of his businesses success. I asked the question (it was not pre planned) and he said yes. We were both thrilled, I didn’t want him to go down on one knee and do the traditional thing, we’re not like that. We plan to buy a ring that we pick out soon.
The issue is, because it was spontaneous, our families weren’t briefed. I have spoken to my Dad about the engagement issue previously and my Dad would like to be consulted, we are meeting with him on Saturday to get his blessing. Since my parents are divorced, my fiance feels it’s only right to extend to same courtesy to my mother and stepfather, since they are just as much as part of my life as my dad. He has got approval from my brother, which felt important to him.
His parents don’t really like me. For various good reasons he has not been able to leave home yet (which include them caring for him while he had cancer recently.) is parents are incredibly over protective and controlling. They treat him like a teenager and tear down any decisions he makes. I have always been nice as pie to them and am very encouraging and supporting fo my fiance. I am out of a job at the moment but I have my own money and flat and I don’t rely on him for anything. I hope to be employed soon and we can think about getting a flat. I know my fiance loves me and I do my best to be an awesome partner to him.
He wanted to broach the subject with his Dad, so he did so tonight, although not in a very assertive way. His Dad took it well, but I suspect his mum will hate the idea. I have asked her if I can take her and his dad out for dinner, with my fiance there, so I can state my intentions and reassure them of our plans for the future.
My fiance seems really stressed about this. I’ve told him several times if he isn’t ready to do this or doesn’t want to do this, to say now. His yes was an immediate freely given yes, he says he has wanted to ask me to marry him for some weeks. However I know he is really struggling with fear about how his parents will react. Normally I’d be like ‘man up’ but they can be really cruel when they want to be, and he is very nervous.
Has anyone got any wisdom? I feel like an engagement should be a happy thing to shout from the rooftops, but we seem to have several days of conversations with family members, which we both dread the idea of. The moment when we got engaged was so romantic, now the whole thing is making me feel anxious. I love him and he loves me and we know we want to be together. I just think he wants his parents approval and I know I won’t get it.