Post # 137
OP, I just moved to Chicago with my fi and don’t know anyone or have much of a support system out here either. If you want to meet up for coffee sometime and vent or chat, please PM . Your guy sounds a lot like my ex! Anyway, chin up, love on your new kitty and just know that you are not alone!
Post # 138
I just got a delivery of a dozen white roses from him for my birthday and the card says I love you. I even called the place to see when he bought them. It was today. What do I do? Anyone?
Post # 139
@bluehydrangeas: Throw them away and try not to think about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s him. A relationship is not built on flowers. A relationship is built on honesty, trust, maturity, and communication. What he does to you is not love. It is emotional maipulation, pure and simple. He is not worth your time.
Post # 140
@mckernae:+1. He is so flaky and not worth your time! It is so easy to send flowers so don’t view it as a grand gesture.
Post # 141
@bluehydrangeas: I agree about getting rid of them. Maybe you could donate them to a women’s shelter or a retirement home instead of throwing them away? My future sister-in-law said something to me this weekend about how you should never be with a man who only buys you flowers to apologize. You want to find someone who will bring them home “just because”. Or in my case, a man who does my chores for me instead of buying flowers lol 😉
You deserve so much more than a narcissistic man who can’t (and won’t) put you first. You are a smart, beautiful woman who deserves a man that knows your true worth. Someone who loves all of the little quirks you have, supports you in all of your achievements and is there to hold your hand when life doesn’t go as planned. Don’t settle for anything less than that.
In the meantime, it’s the spirit of giving from your heart. Turn off those awful commercials and get out there and give of your heart to people. Serve some meals to the homeless, donate your flowers to a women’s shelter, bake cookies for a friend who is feeling down. I know it’s hard now, but I truly do believe in karma. If you get out there and put some love out into the world, someday you will get it back in ways you can’t even imagine now. <3
Post # 142
@bluehydrangeas: I love flowers so I wouldn’t throw them away or donate them. I’d keep them simply because they are beautiful. Whether you want to text him back and say thank you is your call. I wouldn’t. I would let him reach out to me if he wants to know that I got them or not. I know you don’t just want to throw your relationship away and I do believe in second chances, but he’s really got a lot to prove to you and he has a lot of explaining to do. I wouldn’t let him sweep you off your feet without doing both.
Post # 143
@bluehydrangeas: I agree with other bees. It’s a meaningless object. He won’t give you time to discuss all his ridiculous manipulations when you are upset, but now he sends flowers? No way. If he was even remotely sorry or serious he would have been on your doorstep holding those flowers. It doesn’t matter when he bought them. This is the minimum he thinks he can use to manipulate you. Don’t let him.
And happy birthday!!!
Post # 144
@bluehydrangeas: I sent another PM about the flower situation. I agree with everything the other bees are saying, though. You’re worth so much more than a few flowers!
Post # 145
He gives you flowers bit still refuses to talk to you about what the hell is going on?!!! I’d be pissed! He’s playing Mind games with you and trying to keep you on the line. He senses you are pulling away and now he’s scared he’s gone too far. What a jerk.
Post # 146
Don’t let him control you. God he’s just getting worse.
Post # 147
He is like a fox, he is using your feelings, emotions to get you off guard and then he will pounce again. I would put those flowers in the garbage can where they belong!
Story to think about: THE FOX AND THE CROW
A Fox once saw a Crow fly off with a piece of cheese in its beak and settle on a branch of a tree.
“That’s for me, as I am a Fox,” said Master Reynard, and he walked up to the foot of the tree.
“Good day, Mistress Crow,” he cried. “How well you are looking today: how glossy your feathers; how bright your eye. I feel sure your voice must surpass that of other birds, just as your figure does; let me hear but one song from you that I may greet you as the Queen of Birds.”
The Crow lifted up her head and began to caw her best, but the moment she opened her mouth the piece of cheese fell to the ground, only to be snapped up by Master Fox.
“That will do,” said he. “That was all I wanted. In exchange for your cheese I will give you a piece of advice for the future: “Do not trust flatterers.”
Post # 148
@bluehydrangeas: OP how are you doing today?
Post # 149
Did you respond OP? I feel like this guy wants to keep you hanging around for the days when HE is feeling lonely, but he doesn’t respect you enough to give you more than that. He wants to be wanted because that makes him feel powerful.
Post # 150
this has been so hard. i know flowers mean nothing. i know it is an emotional manipulation and that is so scummy and mean. I have not heard from him. I did email him to his work email which he cannot check until tomorrow (*but i did not have the intention to do so. I got accidentally drunk due to my horrible alone birthday and found my fingers typing :/) and only said “i recieved the flowers.” I guess I figured I should since living in my building in chicago you never really know if packages are delivered when you send them and i’ve had neighbors steal things from the entry way that were mine. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I thought at the very least come monday he could know I did indeed get them. Beyond the happy birthday text in the am and the flowers in the afternoon, I did not hear from him. but I guess my own parents didn’t call me to wish me a happy birthday, so whatever. I spent today talking to some girlfriends who know him about the situation, so it is helping to get it out. But it does not help to hear them say “wow! i totally thought he really loved you! You were so perfect together!” blah blah blah. also, I got my wedding dress out of my house today and left it at a friends house. Now everything of his or from him or related to our future is put away or out of my apt. I can’t believe him. he is an emotional terrorist. He attacks completely unprovoked. apparently his fb profile still says we are in a relationship. I do not have an account anymore.
I have therapy tomorrow, so hopefully that will help me make some progress. and the mom of an ex-bf who still after us being broken up for almost 5 years is taking me out for my birthday on tuesday. she knows me very well and is also a therapist, so she is good to talk to. my focus is one day at a time. I know I have many really bad days ahead. I am optimisic for the one day when I can look back at the journey without sadness. For the time being though, I can’t sleep without dreaming of him or the plans for the wedding. I can’t think of loving anyone else because he still has my heart. My cat is doing a pretty good job at the void. He is cuddly and lets me hold him when I cry. I need to go buy pants tomorrow because i’ve lost almost ten pounds.
Post # 151
Take it one day at a time. It will hurt for a while, but it WILL get better, for real.
I am sorry I didn’t wish you a Happy Birthday! But yesterday also happened to be MY daughter’s birthday – she died unexpectedly a few years ago and I get a bit depressed. Life was very hard for me for quite some time after her death. If I can manage to move on with life, so can you!