(Closed) Engagement party awful so I'm eloping.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do what you want. Honestly if this was the begining it will only get worse. So save yourself the stress and do something simple that YOU will enjoy. 

Post # 4
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First of all *e-hug*. Secondly, I am so sorry your parents acted like such a-holes! Totally unfair. I think in could be a good choice to elope, but is that what you really really want? Could you make a wedding happen with no financial help from mom and dad? Because if they don’t pay for anything you don’t have to do anything they say. Don’t let one shitty party spoil this time for you! It’s all about you and your fiancé. your mom should stop being a think for herself-er! ๐Ÿ™‚ anyway, no matter what you decide you’ll be married to your awesome Fiance so let that sustain you in times of family drama!!

Post # 5
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@DulcetMute:  Hey, big HUG to you!!

CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement and double congratulations throwing a super party! I’m sure it was a huge success even though unfortunately you had to do all the hard work. As for the wedding, you don’t necessarily need to elope; you sound like an awesome party planner so with some help from supportive friends or a professional I’m sure you can carry it off with flying colours. This, because you said you and Fiance wish to have a traditional ceremony. If you can afford, hire a wedding planner. Just sit down and calmly think things through. I guess you are still too upset about the fiasco but trust me, one day you and your husband will look back and laugh at it. 

Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@DulcetMute:  

Congrats on your engagement!

Eloping would be lovely, but you mention above that you wanted a traditional wedding, are you sure eloping will make you happy?

Maybe it’s just my opinion, but, you can still have an amazing traditional wedding without having any of your parents say in it. I know that they put money into your wedding but it’s YOUR WEDDING, that’s like buying someone a birthday present and deciding ‘well ill buy what I want because Im paying’ – it doesn’t work like that.

I don’t understand when people get stressed because their parents are ‘inviting too many people’  why on earth are they inviting people in the first place? Or their parents ‘don’t like and idea they have’. Parents pay towards weddings as to help out the couple, not to make decisions in the day or anything close to it. They support you, and that’s where it ends.

I have never been to a wedding where parents had any say in it. Maybe it’s culture/where you live in the world I suppose. But I think you and your fiance should be able to have the wedding YOU GUYS want without having others make decisions or complain ‘well I’m paying for it’.

Sorry, I’m done now. That was my little vent Wink

Post # 7
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wow, I can’t believe your parents acted like that. I would be crushed. You absolutely should have done it the way you wanted to to begin with. Lesson learned… From now on when it comes to YOUR relationship, engagement, and marriage, do what makes YOU happy. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you can count on them.

Eloping will probably be perfect and stress-free for you two.

ETA- I have a story not half as heartbreaking as yours. My mom offered to plan and pay for our engagement party. I ended planning 100% of it and she simply wrote the check. I didn’t expect to plan any of it…just hand over the invite list…but I ended up doing everything. I didn’t complain since she was paying, but this taught me an imporant lesson for my wedding. While people may be well-intentioned, the only person I can depend on is me. And no ones knows what I want better than me, so it works out!

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

good choice! The drama and stress only gets worse, not better! Had I known what I know now about how awful wedding planning would be, I would have never agreed to a wedding and just eloped.  

Congrats on your engagement, enjoy this wonderful time in your life and do what will make you and your Fiance happy! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Elope in Hawaii! If you do PM me bc i can give you lots of ideas! 

Post # 10
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like you’ll save yourselves a major headache if you just elope. If your parents can’t even get their act together for an engagement party, I shudder to think what will happen when wedding planning is in full gear.

Post # 12
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

That place looks beautiful!  I say you do everything you want there, plan it all out and either not invite your parents until there’s a very small amount of time left so they can’t possibly get in the way or you can say that your cap is say, 40 people including you two and the bridal party which means each ‘side’ can only invite 18 each, which still can have the feel of an extravegant feeling but also still be intimate. Or you can even go less than 40 total and say 20 total. Whatever you want, it’s YOUR WEDDING TO YOUR FIANCE! DO as you please.

Post # 13
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That sounds dreadful, I am very sorry ๐Ÿ™

Elope and do a private ceremony somewhere beautiful. Invite only imidiate family and your bridal party. If you have to include a larger number of people, come home from your honeymoon and have some sort of reception dinner. You can do it a month or so later to give to yourself time to unwind and relax. Give responsibilities to people you can count on, maybe hire a wedding orginizer ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 14
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d say do what you want to do in your heart. Big wedding or elope. If you do a wedding it can be done without stress. Just tell your mom from the get go that it is YOUR wedding not hers and you will have what YOU want not what she wants. And that she needs to respect your wish’s.  If you want a wedding just without drama, tell her to leave the drama at the door or she wont be invited. If she doesn’t cool it, uninvite her.

 

Elopements can be wonderful and beautiful though, so no matter what do what you and your fiance want, not what anyone else wants.

Post # 15
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

ELOPE, you wont regret it!

Post # 16
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can relate to unwanted family drama…I have been putting off my engagement party and am worried about my upcoming bridal and bachelorette parties.  No matter what, you should do what you want to do. 

However, if you are eloping because you’re afraid your family will ruin your wedding, I’d think long and hard about that decision.  You don’t want to regret not having the wedding of your dreams because you were afraid it would be sabotaged.  If you truly want to have a traditional wedding, I would talk to your family and explain how you feel.  If YOU are planning the wedding you want, it won’t be as stressful as your engagement party.  At your wedding you won’t be responsible for serving the food and cleaning up.  Just think how nice your engagement party might have been if you could have done it the way you wanted, at the Italian restaurant. 

Remember that it’s YOUR day, and you should do whatever makes you happy!  Weddings are a once in a lifetime thing and you want to make sure you have no regret.  Best of luck to you! xo

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