(Closed) Engagement party faux-pas?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4582 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We know a couple who hosted not one, but TWO engagement parties for themselves. We didn’t attend either, but it wasn’t really because they threw the parties themselves.

Post # 4
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

J and I are technically throwing our own engagement BBQ/party.  His mom is involved, but I’m doing most of planning, inviting, etc.  I don’t see how there’s anything wrong with it.  -shrugs- guess I don’t care much to follow all of the “rules”. 

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We will be hosting our own engagement party/housewarming. It would be weird to do two events and weird for someone to throw us a housewarming in our house. This way it saves people time and money to just come to one event. Right or wrong that is what we are planning.

Post # 7
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@teacherandageek: Totally have fun with it.  I really don’t think people are going to noticed. I don’t expect anything from anyone except to have fun and relax. 🙂 

ETA: My invitation read:

“Please join us for our engagement BBQ on July 16th, 2011!  There will be tons of food, sun and drinks.  Please bring a bathing suit if you’d like to enjoy the pool!”

I think it’s pretty simple and relaxed enough for people to not even notice that I’m throwing it.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you wanna have a party, then have it!! I don’t think it matters who hosts, honestly

Post # 9
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I think it is completely appropriate to throw yourself an engagement party. If we hadn’t taken the initiative to host a party, we wouldn’t have gotten one at all. My family lives far away, as well as Maid/Matron of Honor. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Look at it this way: you get to pick the food, music, location, mood of the party, etc. At least it will be what you want! 🙂 Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I never thought it was inappropriate to host your own.  You’re there for a celebration, no matter who’s hosting it!

Post # 11
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s inappropriate since you aren’t asking for gifts at an engagement party.

Post # 12
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

An engagement party is traditionally thrown by one or the other set of parents to announce the engagement, and if you’ve managed to keep it quiet until then, no one will know to bring gifts. Since most of the ones we’ve been invited to were not surprises and included registry information, the presumption was that gifts were expected. Many times the registries got almost cleaned out even before the bridal showers!

I DO think it’s weird to throw your own just as I’d be put off if someone threw their own wedding or baby shower. Casual or not,  people will still think they need to bring gifts.

Post # 13
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

We threw our own – it was last weekend. We split the cost 3 ways with us and both sets of parents. I sorted everything out: venue, food, music, invites, guests etc. No-one batted an eyelid!

Go for it x

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We threw our own though my mother did offer to pay for the food. We had it at our house because, well, we threw it. Also, since my parents are divorced my house is always a “safe” middle ground.

Post # 15
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We started the ball rolling on our engagement party – for us it was mostly because we wanted to have a chance to celebrate with some of our friends overseas that we knew wouldn’t be able to make it to the US for our wedding – but my in-laws were the official hosts by the end.  I made our invites and my hubby and I made the desserts, so it was a kinda halfsy thing.  Honestly I don’t think there is etiquette against throwing your own since it’s traditionally not a gift giving event.  

Post # 16
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Well since you all started this conversation.. let me add a question to the mix..

How long after the proposal is TOO long to throw an engagement party?

It’s been 3 months nwo and I don’t think my parents will be throwing us an engagement party even though I have mentioned who I’d like there and where AND the dress I will wear. (I wanted to make it simple and less expensive for my parents). ANd I know HIS side won’t be helping us at all so I’m thinking maybe we should throw our own little party at our neighborhood bar/pub with our friends but I have to see how much $$ that woudl cost. I don’t know if I should stress this or not but at some point isn’t it like ” NOW you’re throwing an engagement party?” (Our wedding isn’t for at least 2 years). Thoughts?

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