(Closed) Engagement Party Help!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yes. Bad manners. You shouldn’t throw a party in your honor amd invite everyone to come amd expect them to pay their own way. You’re basically saying “come pay attention to us and while you’re at it, here’s your bill!”

 

Post # 3
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with Horseradish. Have the party you can afford. For example, Darling Husband and I did an open house at our home, instead of spending money on a rental space. We had it partly catered (our friend has a catering business and gave us a family discount) and we also made some of the food ourselves. We kept decorations very simple (yay dollar store – our party was just after Valentines Day) and by avoiding meal time, we were able to do all appetizers instead of plates. It also allowed us to invite lots of people, and the drop-in style was relaxed and very casual. Something to think about.

Post # 4
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee

MissBreezy13:  I think it really depends!  The last four engagement parties I’ve went to, everyone paid for their own meal at the restaurant and someone took care of the engaged couple.  No one thought twice about it!  Then again, we have a very laid back group of friends, and have known each other from high school/college onwards, so I don’t know if that plays into it.  Also, the parties were all in the Twin Cities, so perhaps the Midwest is a little less formal about engagement parties.

If you don’t think it would offend your guests, then I think you are fine.  But if you are worried about going about it the traditional way, then maybe cut down your guest list so that you can afford it! 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Generally, the person who invites the others pays. If it’s an informal gathering everyone can pay for themselves. However, if you are inviting someone to a party good manners generally means you are paying to feed them. I would have the type of event you can afford. An open house with cake and punch is fine, and everyone can celebrate with you.

Post # 6
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I dont see anything wrong with it, but Im not in the USA where these customs/ettiquette seems to be one way or no way.  

If you can pitch in for a round, cool. If not, maybe buy some appies for the table? I see nothing wrong with hosting or attending an event like this. 

Post # 7
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

MissBreezy13:  I don’t think you should be throwing yourself a party…someone should throw it for you and they should be the hosts. Perhaps just do appetizers and have it at a later time? 

Post # 8
Member
3122 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We are doing my bday dinner and engagement dinner altogether at a restaurant but our circumstances are a bit different seeing as we will only be in Cali for a week. We did the invites through a facebook event invite so nothing really formal there. But then again I am not emily post or even cemily post it note :p

Post # 9
Member
9534 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

When I was in the dating world I assumed the one asking would pay. If I was asked out he would pay and vise  versa. Tradition is that the brides parents pay for the engagement party. my family sucks so that’s not an option. I assume we are asking people to dinner, so we pay. unless they know ahead of time it’s unfair to ask them to pay for their own dinner. 

Post # 10
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MissBreezy13: An engagement party is not a requirement and you shouldn’t “host” your own (although inviting everyone and having them pay wouldn’t be hosting anyway) engagement party. If no one is offering to host one for you and you can’t afford it, just skip it. 

Post # 11
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

MissBreezy13:  it’s a no no! 

Fiance and I had our engageemnt party at our church hall that we rented for $100

My parents cooked his parents cooked, a friend of ours dj for us. we went to our local bakery got our cake. my dear friend is a photographer paid him 200 to capture the nigh. 

Maybe you can do something similar. If your house or have any friend family member who have a big enough house maybe you can ask to use their home.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

Traditional etiquette allows for two types of “engagement party”  — and has no rule against you hosting your own.

The first kind of engagement party is the party at which your engagement is announced. Obviously, the invitations don’t read “Engagement Party”, since then there would be no point in announcing your engagement at the party. Instead, you just invite people to whatever kind of party you normally host. At an appropriate break in the entertainment, you make your happy announcement, everyone applauds, and you get on with the party.

The second kind of engagement party is a family gathering to let members of the two families get to know each other. It is usually casual, and although the purpose of the gather is mentioned on the invitation, it is worded as “to meet Bob’s family” rather than as “an Engagement Party for Bob and ME!”, so as to avoid the solecism of throwing a party in your own honour.

In both cases whoever hosts the party is expected to pay for the refreshments, whatever they are. If the plan is dinner in a restaurant, then the host picks up the restaurant bill. If a restaurant-dinner is out of budget, what about some other kind of party in your home or rented room, as others have suggested? Cocktails, afternoon tea in the garden, an evening dance-party or video marathon — whatever sort of party you are accustomed to throwing.

Post # 13
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun

MissBreezy13:  yes unfortunately I do think it’s tacky. Technucally, whoever is hosting the party should pay for the food or catering. If that’s not possible you could throw a more casual engagement party potluck, but obviously let everyone know ahead of time. Charging $ at a party is a big no-no. 

My my eparty was hosted at by my FI’s aunt and uncle at their house. We only ignited about 40 people because that’s all the house could fit. Luckily my FI’s uncle is a professional chef and own his own restaurant so he made all the food himself and it was amazing for the intimate setting. 

Post # 14
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You dont have to have an enagement party ~ We didnt have one and it was fine. Don’t throw a party for yoursleves and ESPECIALLY if you are asking for others to buy their own meal. 

MissBreezy13:  

Post # 15
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

If an enegagement is hard for you to throw you can have a champagne toast instead; this way everyone can come to your place of choice, a few bottles of champagne and/or what you prefer can be provided from you ( you can ask for a corkage fee) and if anyone wants to eat then can eat..

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