Post # 1
I’ve sent out printed invites for our engagement party, and it will be a small champagne brunch for close friends and family (about 30 people are invited). It’s being held at an upscale restaurant, which is not child friendly. A few guests have very small children, which are not invited – and are not addressed on the invitations.
Guests have the option to RSVP online, should I include a short sentence along the lines of “To ensure there’s enough room for our close friends and family, this celebration is adults-only.”? Is this unncesseary because of the addresses? Is there a better way to word it, so it doesn’t come off as rude?
Just to note, all of our wedding events will be child-free (except for my fiance’s 2 neices in the bridal party).
Post # 2
It would be rude to say adults only. If you have people RSVP for additional people, you call them and say, Very sorry if any misunderstanding (which is Bullshit, you were clear), but the invite was only for you and Sarah, we hope you can make it. Make certain both mothers know this and do not make exceptions for winers. Otherwise people who do not get to bring kids may resent you and the people bringing kids.
Post # 3
futuremrsgerson: You shouldn’t be throwing your own engagement party. That’s something others can throw for you if they’re inclined. Also, don’t be surprised if the people whos kids aren’t welcome at your engagement party don’t come to the wedding either.
Post # 4
Daisy_Mae: I’m not throwing it, my parents are – but I’m compiling addresses and handling the reservations because I’m an event planner professionally and negotiate contracts on a daily basis. Everything is worded as if it were from my parents, and RSVP’s go to my mom.
There are only two people with children, neither of whom I’m close to. They’re invited for the sake of my parents, and no children were the comprimse. All of mine and my fiance’s friends are DINK’s, so we have different tastes than most.
Post # 5
futuremrsgerson: No matter what decisions you make, some people are going to be unhappy. Whether it is kids, plus ones, seating, etc. To me, the important thing is to make certain you and fiance are on the same page, that you communicate decisions to both mothers, and all communicate clearly with guests.
Post # 6
you would THINK you wouldn’t have to say that because of how you addressed the invitation… Unfortunately you may have to inform people. We addressed our engagement invitations to the adults only and i had people call us and say “yep! we’re coming and we’re bringing little Johnny too!” I was like whhhooooaaa there, little Johnny wasn’t invited! Our wedding invitations specifically stated “adult reception to follow” i had 3 people call us and say “i know your invitation says adults only but can little johnny come?” ummmmmm you just answered your own question.. No. You might have to spread the no kids thing by word of mouth and hope for the best.
Post # 7
Whether it’s invites for the engagement party, rehearsal dinner or the big day itself, when it comes to not inviting children, its best to smooth the way by letting guests know early on and by phone, not by the invite. This will give them time to adjust to the idea (and trust me some will not agree with you) and be able to make the necesary arrangements for child care. If you need help properly addressing your envelopes, here’s a blog post to help you out with this topic.
Post # 8
futuremrsgerson : I’d leave out the first clause, and just stick with “Please note this is an adults-only event” or just “Adults only”. You don’t need the excuse of why. And yes, while it might be considered rude to talk about who is not invited, it seems necessary these days where people assume their precious little snowflakes belong EVERYWHERE. (Back when everyone was more familiar with etiquette, they also wouldn’t have assumed to bring their children.) Fwiw, we had an adults-only wedding, and I put on my wedding website that it was Adults Only. It was necessary.
Post # 9
futuremrsgerson : I would say “Please note that Chateau de Champagne (or whatever the restaurant is called lol) does not allow children”. The way you put it is basically like putting “Your children are not important”. Maybe that’s true, but it’s still offputting. it’s like when people say “we can’t invite you because of budget”, they’re basically saying “you’re a low priority”. Since someone will be turned away at the door if they bring their kids, you can just say that.