(Closed) engagement party – is it a must?

posted 11 months ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

zzar45 :  Yeah, we’re going to disagree here. I did my research. 

It’s rude. 

Post # 17
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee

Absolutely not. We did not have one and i have never been to one. 

Maybe it is just not common in my circles? 

Post # 18
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

krissymichelle070 :  Definitely not a must! Really…none of it is a “must.” It’s more what is important to the two of you! I didn’t have an engagment party, a bridal shower, a rehearsal or any of that. Some people enjoy those things but I just wanted to marry my love and spend my life with him. 

If you WANT an engagement party by all means have one. But there definitely isn’t a rule book on the “right” way to do any of it. Just be happy and CONGRATULATIONS! 🙂

Post # 19
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MrsWiggles :  I agree with pp, there’s nothing rude about it if it’s normal in one’s circle. Engagement parties are not gift giving events so there’s nothing wrong with throwing your own if you want to do that. If it’s rude in your circle then fine, but saying it’s rude for everyone is honestly ignorant.

It’s like how people get up in arms on this website about cash bars because they’re not the norm in the US, even though they are 100% normal and socially acceptable in other cultures like the UK.

I wish people on this site would take half a second to consider the fact that what’s considered appropriate or rude in their personal social circle is not the be all end all for the entire universe…would prevent a lot of snooty ass posts!

Post # 20
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills

I had all the traditional events…Bachelorette party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, wedding, post wedding brunch but did not do an engagement party. 

Post # 21
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Definitely not necessary. The only person I know who had an engagement party combined it with a housewarming since they were also moving into a new home.

Post # 22
Member
2464 posts
Buzzing bee

I find engagement parties cause issues. 

I have heard it was rude for the couple to throw their own, but I guess it’s not.  But some people register for the party and that makes it a gift giving party, which is gift grabby if you do plan it yourselves.

Also, if you invite someone to the engagement party, they should receive an invite to the wedding.  And sometimes engagement parties happen before the wedding planning really starts and guest lists change.  

 

Post # 23
Member
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

This is not a facetious question, but what is an engagement party? I’ve legit never heard of one.

Is it to celebrate the couple or just the one who was proposed to? 

That question being asked, I’d say it’s safe to say it’s not necessary. lol But now I’m curious.

Post # 24
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Just throwing my two cents in! Fiance and I had an engagement party, thrown by us. It was a super simple cookout with our friends and a few of his family members (probably 20-ish people in our backyard). Only two friends brought gifts although we did not ask/expect gifts of any kind.  

It was definitely not a necessity, but it was a great reason to have friends over and celebrate the new stage of our relationship. If you don’t want “another party”, by all means, skip it! 🙂 

ETA: We did make sure that everyone we invited to the e-party would be people we’d invite to the wedding, though. Not that it was difficult (for us), but it was thought of.

Post # 25
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

youmaysayimadreamer :  it’s just to celebrate that the couple are getting married. Why would it only be for the person who got proposed to? 

Post # 26
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

The engagement party and day after brunch aren’t important at all. We didn’t do either of those. We felt like an engagement party would seem gift grabby since I knew my mom would be throwing me a bridal shower and our families tend to give generously at weddings. So we didn’t want people to feel obligated to give another gift. And I’m really glad we didn’t do the brunch because we stayed up til like 4am the night of our wedding and didn’t wake up til checkout so we would have missed the brunch anyway 

Post # 27
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

We didn’t have one and I actually don’t think any of my close girlfriends had one either. 

I equate engagement parties with couples who will have a very large wedding and want to have a more intimate gathering for the engagement period of their lives. I just don’t happen to know anyone who had an engagement party that also didn’t happen to have a huge wedding. 

Post # 28
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

tiffanybruiser :  now hang on. I have to bend to others that are saying “well, where I am from this isnt rude. It’s fine.” But you all are not considering my side, and where I might be from that it is seen as rude. 

That’s interesting. 

At the end of the day, I don’t care what the OP does. I also do think about regional differences. 

Post # 29
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Definitely not necessary! I only know one or two couples that did engagement parties, and it was a very casual laid-back thing, like, “Hey, we’re gonna be celebrating our engagement at a bar this Friday. Whoever wants to join us in celebrating is welcome!” It wasn’t a whole to-do where they rented out a place and had decorations or anything. 

We kinda sorta had an engagement party ourselves. My fiance proposed to me at a birthday party that he threw for me at our favorite bar, so we already had approximatley 50 friends in attendance and it essentially turned into an ad hoc engagement party after the proposal. We felt that having a separate event on top of that would be redundant.

Post # 30
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

MrsWiggles :  You made a blanket statement “I did my research. it’s rude”. 

OP do what you want, have a party, don’t have a party, throw it for yourself, have your mom throw it- do what works for you and your fiance and don’t feel like you have to do any of the so called traditional parties if you don’t want to 🙂 

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