Post # 1
So, FH and I had our first engagement party this past weekend! It was fabulous…since we moved to the West Coast for work over a year ago, it was the first time that we were able to celebrate with all of our friends and family since we were engaged in May. A friend hosted it–we had it at an outdoor bar, and it was very casual in nature. We did not expect any gifts (or should we have)–it was just all about the celebration.
One of FH’s friends, who fashions herself an etiquette expert told us that we HAD to register, and it was tacky not to do so. She even told other mutual friends that since we didn’t register, they weren’t supposed to give us gifts. Frankly, I was surprised that we received so many gifts–typically, I only give a gift at an engagement party if I am very close to the couple. We were thrilled to see everyone–literally, their presence was our present.
I know it’s too late for this party, but we are likely going to have one more (hosted by my parents in my hometown). I don’t want to offend anyone and it seems like this “friend” was more of a problem.
Should we register, even though our wedding is more than a year out?
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
She is 100% wrong. It would be extremely presumptuous to register for an engagement party.
Post # 3
You do not have to register. It’s neither rude nor tacky to not register for gifts for an engagement party or any event for that matter. In fact, in some circles it is seen as tacky to register. Regional, cultural, and generational traditions are all at play, so just do what you want and don’t worry about it. Even if you did register, it’s only appropriate to spread information about the registry by word-of-mouth or a wedding website, not in the invitation (which is typically considered rude unless it’s a shower–although it would probaly be okay in this case since the party is not hosted by you–ugh, the rules..), so it wouldn’t even be weird for several guests to be unaware of the registry. If you want to register, it’s not too early, though. Lots of people register right when they get engaged. I started my registry yesterday for my May 2017 wedding because Macy’s has a cool giveaway and you have to a registry to enter.
Also, your FH’s friend is not an etiquette expert, because it is the epitome of rude to tell other people that something they did or didn’t do was “rude” or “tacky” in the middle of their party.
Post # 4
So we had registered for our wedding prior to our engagement party because, like you, our engagement party was a few months after our engagement. Registering was an easy check mark on the very long to-do list.
Do I think you should register FOR an engagement party? Nope. But if you are registered for your wedding and someone finds it and buys you a gift off of it for your engagement party, then that is their choice. I wouldn’t include any mention of gifts on the invite.
We received a few small items off our registery at our engagement party which were a huge suprise since we hadn’t told anyone we were registered yet. People just know where to go and search.
Post # 5
I think you should register
Post # 6
Oh yeah, she is in NO WAY an etiquette expert–she just thinks she’s classier than the rest of us. She was the only person out of the roughly 100 we invited (and 75 or so who attended) who even asked about a registry.
Post # 7
We will, eventually. It just seemed very odd to scramble around to register in preparation for the engagement party.
Post # 8
You don’t register for an e-party. An e-party is not a gift giving event. Someone may get you a nice bottle of wine or liquor but you definitely don’t register.
Post # 9
You can register before your wedding and engagement party sure. Its not an engagement party registry- its your wedding registry. We did before our engagement party at my FMILs insistance. We did not print it on invites or elsewhere or tell anyone about the registry (this is key I think). The only people who found it are those who went looking for it specifically or asked Future Mother-In-Law about it directly. It was mostly her older family & friends, aunties and such.
I also thought engagement parties were not gifting parties, except for maybe a card and champagne, but that must be regional. We certainly ended up with an impromptu gift table at ours! I didnt plan for it because I didnt expect it. NY thing I guess.
Post # 10
You are totally right in what you did. I’d be really uncomfortable with an engagement party where gifts were expected from my guests.. but I’m also very uncomfortable with any pre-wedding events where gifts are expected, so I’m not the best judge.
In any case, if someone wants to get you a gift at your engagement party, they can figure it out without a registry or ask you for a registry. It’s not bad to have a wedding registry started (just a handful of things you know you’ll want on it) in case if someone asks, but not necessary.
Post # 11
Engagement parties are not gift-giving events. I’ve attended plenty of them and we had a few thrown for us when DH and got engaged.
Yes, people do bring wine/champagne and maybe even token gifts of cash or gift cards, but I have never heard of anyone having a registry for an e-party. It sounds like it’s in incredibly poor taste to have one.
Post # 12
Absolutely not. You can make a wedding registry whenever you want, but engagement parties are not really gift-giving events. I don’t like to show up to a party empty-handed, so I’d probably bring a bottle of something, but definitely nothing off a registry.
This friend sounds like a real peach. At one time, wedding registries were seen as very rude and entitled. Now it’s tacky NOT to register for your engagement party? That’s a new one.
Post # 14
No registry. People now-a-days register for every event and I think it’s rude and tacky. I was invited to a house warming which I RSVP’d to and then afterwards was sent a link to a registry. I still went but bought them an orchid, not anything off their list. The registry was such a turn off and people were thinking of backing out last minute. For an engagement party I’d expect guests to perhaps bring a bottle, plant, candle, etc. but not an actual gift.
Post # 15
Engagement parties do not require registry and any suggestion that gifts are expected is in poor taste.