Engagement Party Troubles

posted 4 months ago in Parties
Post # 16
1928 posts
Buzzing bee

We didn’t have an engagement party but a few different people wanted to celebrate our engagement with us in different ways.  If it isn’t just guys I would attend this water day and celebrate with your fiancé’s friends.  You can celebrate with your friends another time.  If your fiancé’s friends are all guys I would let him just go.

Post # 17
46897 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Plan a day with your friends or even an activity with whoever can make it on the day Fiance will be having his outing.

He is either terribly naive when it comes to etiquete, or he really doesn’t care about including you in decision making.

As a pp said, by traditional etiquette standards, engagement parties are planned in the couples ‘ honor by someone else.

Post # 18
69 posts
Worker bee

I’ve never thought that engagement party should be “in honour of the couple”. I feel like it’s the couple’s way of saying “we want to treat our friends and family because we got engaged and we’re really happy and want to share that happiness” 🙂

That being said, the party sounds definitely like a bachelor party and probably either subconciously or knowingly they planned it that way. I would not go but I guess I wouldn’t be too mad if you’re moving and friends will be far away in the future. Hope you can do a nice spa day or something. 

Post # 19
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I would not describe this as being upset by a “little thing.”It’s actually pretty disrespectful and TBH. He never consulted you, did not consider your friends and actually told you you don’t have to come? If that’s his typical attitude maybe there’s a bigger party you should skip. 

Traditional etiquette does not approve hosting any self celebrating party, with the exception of a wedding reception, which is considered a thank you to guests for attending. Even then they were never announced as such ahead of time so that people would not feel obligated to bring gifts. Parents of the bride had first dibs. 

Newer US etiquette sources don’t disapprove a couple throwing their own if the circumstances dictate. 

Post # 20
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Um.. what??

Your fiance sounds like a douche.

If this was supposed to be an engagement party, why on earth would he think it was OK to A) plan something you don’t even like, B) not even ask your input on it, C) not backtrack on those plans when you said you weren’t happy with them, and D) tell you to just not come if you don’t like it? That is ridiculous!

Was this a matter of a major miscommunication?? Did he think he was planning a stag party, but you thought it was an engagement party? Or is he just totally inconsiderate? 

None of this makes any sense.

Post # 21
77 posts
Worker bee

khaleesi22 :  I would be furious… what part of this is an engagement party?

No way, you should go with them or let them have day of fun, but an engagementparty is one that you and him (the *engaged* couple) should plan and decide.

Post # 22
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would be livid considering the timeframe (last opportunity before you move away from friends). 

That and he hoodwinked you and planned something that is clearly guys-only and shoved you and your friends completely out of the picture. Are his friends chilled with you? This sounds like something they may have planned intentionally knowing you won’t come. My Darling Husband has a couple of friends like that. Took him a year or so to understand that behaviour is not acceptable. If your Fiance wanted a boys day out he should’ve just said so.

This is just straight up douchey behaviour.

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