Post # 1

Member
275 posts
Helper bee
Hello Bees,
Just a simple etiquette question. My fiance and I are still in unversity (I am graduating in June), and since our engagement a lot of our friends have been asking about an engagement party. My fiance is in a fraternity so he has a lot of guy friends, and I have a handful from classes. We go to a university about 2.5 hours from our home (where the wedding will take place in over a year).
Basically I was thinking of renting out the basement “bar” at our local college dive bar and just inviting all our college friends. I think most of them wouldn’t expect an invitation to the actual wedding since its kind of far in advance and they know we are just having a small ceremony with family at my mom’s house.
Is it “tacky” to have an engagement party like this?
Post # 3

Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
The “etiquette” answer would be that you don’t invite anyone to any wedding-related events (engagement party, shower bachelorette party, etc), unless they’re also invited to the wedding. Also, you wouldn’t plan/host your own engagement party, someone would throw the party for you.
Post # 4

Hostess
10353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
We threw ourselves an engagement party *gasp* because we wanted it to be a PARTY, not some brunch that granny could come to. So we had a house party and asked our friends to BYOB. We provide snack type foods, but it was more like a college party than an engagement party I guess? We just wanted an excuse to celebrate and have a fun time with our friends. Oh, and we’re having a tiny civil ceremony, so hardly anyone that came to the engagement party is invited to our wedding. *Double Gasp*
Our friends are super laid back and don’t care about things like that… especially etiquette, lol.
Post # 5

Member
275 posts
Helper bee
@FutureDrAtkins: Yea that sounds a lot like what we were planning. I just don’t know if people would be offended or something even though I doubt they would be.
Post # 6

Member
275 posts
Helper bee
@cmbr: hmm yea, but no one would host an engagement party for us. Our friends assume we would do it ourselves, and our parents couldn’t care less about our engagement lol
Post # 7

Member
545 posts
Busy bee
@cmbr: +1
OP, you wouldn’t throw your own party, and really, you shouldn’t invite anyone to any wedding related events unless they will be invited to the wedding. I suppose if your college friends took it upon themselves to throw you a party with no expectation of a wedding invite, that’s on them.
Post # 8

Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I think that’s totally fine. It’s not like you’re asking them to host it for you, so you’re just being nice and throwing a party for friends. I wouldn’t be offended AT ALL.
Post # 9

Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
Have the party and invite all your friends. At this point no one is expecting you to have your wedding figured out – budget, guest list etc. So much can change with your wedding ideas, so have fun now.
Post # 10

Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
@sauerdragon: If no one hosts an engagement party then you don’t have one. It’s certainly not a requirement. And I do think it’s rude to have a wedding related party that has guests who won’t be invited to the wedding, even if you assume they’ll assume they’re not invited to the actual wedding (you know what they say about assumptions…) BUT if you want to rent out the basement of a bar and throw a party I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it: just don’t call it an engagement party. Celebrate and have a good time and maybe have a toast to spending the rest of your life with your best friend (SO), but don’t make it wedding related necessarily.
Post # 11

Member
227 posts
Helper bee
This is exactly what my Fiance and I did! We’re having a (relatively) small wedding and neither of us can invite any of our co-workers, which we really wanted to do. We threw an engagement party two months after we were engaged where we rented out the game room of a bar and bought a few trays of appetizers, and we invited everyone we could think of! They bought their own drinks too! We made sure to make a little speech about how we wished we could invite a million people, but wouldn’t be able to afford it.
The weekend before we go back to work we are going to throw another mini-bash at the same bar, and invite those same co-workers. I bought a (cheap) rehersal/leaving dress that I will be wearing there, I’ll do my own hair and make-up, and he is going to wear as much of his original wedding garb as we can that night also.
Post # 12

Member
275 posts
Helper bee
@carolinabelle: Well whats the difference between wedding related and NWR? It’s not like I would call attention to the “engagement” aspect, just an opportunity to get both of our groups of friends together. I could say “graduation party” but then it would exclude his friends
Post # 13

Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
@CurlyCue: agreed
I vote yes in the poll because that’s the “proper” answer…but it’s 2 1/2 hrs away & depending on your year in college, you probably won’t even talk to 75% of these people in 2 1/2 years. Go for the fun now! The focus sounds like it’s the party not so much the engagement anyway
Post # 14

Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
@sauerdragon: You don’t have to call it an engagement party – just call it a party. The distinction between Not Wedding Related and wedding related is pretty slight. Just don’t call it an engagement party or a wedding party or whatever when inviting people and talking about it. To ME the most important reason is that you don’t want to give the impression that you would expect gifts. Most people don’t give gifts for an engagement party
anyway, but some might still feel obliged and that’s really not fair if you’re not going to invite them to the wedding. And you can’t say “no gifts” on the invite or when inviting people because that indicates that you’d otherwise expect gifts.
Post # 15

Member
275 posts
Helper bee
@soontobemrsm11:
@carolinabelle:
I guess now that I think about it – we could just say “Jordan and C would love for you to join us at _____ Bar ….” and if people ask we can just say we felt like having one last kick off before I leave and everything. Whether or not people interpret it as an engagement party or not is up to them..
Post # 16

Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
@sauerdragon: Exactly! People will never turn down a good “just because” party and if your friends are as happy for you as you say (and I’m sure they are!) then they will definitely take the opportunity to congratulate and celebrate with you.