Post # 1
My parents were planning on hosting a barbeque for my engagement party at a local park. Due to some budgetary issues they weren’t able to pay- so now my fiance and I are hosting it.
Invitations have already been sent out; the park space has been reserved someone on his side even pushed a family vacation back a day to go and I found out today that none of my family plans to attend. It’s a very very long and complicated story- but the shortened version is that they have decided that they cannot support our relationship any longer, and they want nothing to do with the wedding. I wish that I could just say that they were upset- but this has been a long time coming and Im fairly confident that this is something that will stick.
I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor if she thought that having an engagement party would be odd without my family- and she seems to think it’ll be fine. According to her although yes, EPs are an opportunity for the families to meet- she feels like theres nothing wrong with having a bbq to celebrate the fact that we are engaged. She thought it may be more awkward to cancel the event, especially since people have taken time out of work/ vacations to go.
I’m leaning towards what my Maid/Matron of Honor thinks- but I wasn’t sure if theres an etiquette thing here or not. Obviously you dont get gift at an EP, so it wouldnt be about getting presents. We just wanted to have a nice day and celebrate us being engaged.
Another thing is that we have a fairly large bridal party, and a lot of friends filling key roles (a friend is doing photography, another dear friend is officiating) and my Maid/Matron of Honor pointed out that even if my family wasn’t there, it’d still be nice for all of the key people in the wedding to meet each other.
What do you all think? Totally awkward? I’d hope that the people that really love and support us aren’t too judgemental. I was just wondering what the general consensus is. Most of his family knows why my family has decided not to attend-but would the day/evening be spent awkwardly explaining why to those who dont know?
I’m not sure what to do here.
Post # 3
Since it seems like your family will not be present at any wedding events (sorry!), I think it would be strange if your family DID attend the engagement party and then went MIA.
Post # 4
@Beckster329: they have no plans of attending the EP, or anything =(. I was just wondering if it’s weird to throw an EP without my family lol. Right now it’d be all of his family, and all of our friends (since they make up our parties, and other key people). But yeah… they wouldnt be coming to the EP.
Post # 5
I’m sorry for the situation. I don’t think it’s weird to have an EP without your family there, if your Fiance and his family and your friends are supportive of you two – there is your answer.
It’s unfortunate your family decided not to take part but invitations are out and people are making plans so put on a pretty outfit, and stand as a united couple on your engagement party day and just have a good time with the support system you guys will have present that day, your Maid/Matron of Honor, his family and friends, etc.
You never know…and I don’t know the full situation obviously, but it’s possible that your family could change their minds at some point and want to be part of this journey with you guys. As my Fiance always says about our friends, “You don’t have to be blood to be family.” – It’s true – sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water. 🙂
Post # 6
@jlc3: that means a lot. Thanks!
Post # 7
@Cryssieshine: you’re welcome 🙂 I’m sure it may be hard on you that day but try to think about the positives that outweigh the negatives. Everyone wlll be there to celebrate you two!
Post # 8
We had a similar, not the same, but similar situation with our engagement party. We planned it around his family, issues arose, and they decided not to come. My dad is sick, so he couldn’t come. So, it was our bridal party (close friends), my cousin came, and my mom came later (she had an event earlier in the day). Although we really didn’t have a lot of family there, we had fun and enjoyed ourselves!
Have fun and don’t sweat it too much. Its about you two, not everyone else. It’d be great if they could be there, but the marriage is between you two.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
For very different reasons, I ended up in a similar situation, my mom wanted to host a EP for us, but couldn’t afford to invite both sides of the family, then his family wanted to throw one, but wasn’t comfortable with that large of a crowd…
Long story short, we had 2– one with each side of the family, neither was awkward. Both were a lot of fun and had great memories.
Post # 10
@Cryssieshine: The EP is a time for people you love to meet… people who love you and are going to support you in your new life with your husband. Whether those people are his family, your family, mutual friends, or some homeless people off the street- whatever. Just enjoy the time with the people who are there to support, love, and celebrate you!!!
Post # 11
Invite your friends as your “family.”
Otherwise no there is absolutely nothing awkward about just celebrating your engagement with your future husband.
Sounds like you have a great maid of honor! lol
Post # 12
Your engagement party should be about celebrating you getting hitched to the man you love! Any one who can’t support you shouldn’t be apart of it anyway. If you’re surrounded by love, it’ll feel like family 🙂
Post # 13
Most likely I’m going to have a similar situation, only reversed… my Family is supportive, but SO’s family is not. He believes that his Mom will disown him when he puts the ring on my finger. I’m so sorry you have to go through this! I don’t believe there’s any etiquette saying your family must be there, though.