Post # 1
I am new to this board and this is my first post. I recently got engaged but I am very dissapointed with my engagement ring. I am aware that I will get judged, but I wanted to tell someone how I feel about my ring as I can’t talk to anyone else. My fiancé and I went ring shopping a few months before he proposed. I have a really expensive taste and have always wanted a Tiffany ring. But since both my fiancé and myself don’t make millions, I decided I do not need a super expensive ring. I ended up liking a solitaire (1ct) from a local jeweller. My fiancé knew I loved the ring and I hoped that he would get that ring or something similar for me. But when he proposed, I got a smaller diamond (.50 ct). We both make six figures and live together and are financially stable. What dissapoints me is that he didnt care what I wanted and just cheaped out. I had told him that I wanted a nice ring because I will be wearing it for rest of my life and that I don’t believe in upgrades. I wear the ring for him, but I hate it!
I know I shouldn’t be comparing my ring to my friends’ rings; but I can’t help it. Am I not worth anything? Do I not deserve a nicer ring? How come all of my friend have nicer rings when they don’t make a whole lot of money? Another thing that bothers me is that whoever sees the ring doesn’t say anything about it. I can feel people judging him and thinking that he is cheap and it hurts a lot.
How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings? I don’t want to wear my ring as I do not love it.
I am ashamed of my ring and don’t want to show it to people as I fear that they will judge my fiancé. I love my fiancé a lot and don’t want to hurt his feelings. But should I swallow my pride and keep quite? Or should I speak up? Please help!
Post # 2
pictures? I can honestly see both sides to this. Id probably talk calmly to him.
Post # 3
Im sorry this sucks. I get how you feel, all my friends have huge rings so I knew I wanted something comparable when I got engaged. My Fiance knew how important it was for me to have a certain ring that I liked and I was happy that he got it for me. Theres no reason for .5ct if hes making over 6 figures. It’s just a bad feeling to feel like he cheaped out because he doesnt care. I would suggest trying to talk to him and seeing if you could upgrade. Sorry 🙁
Post # 4
was this perhaps a stand-in ring? My Fiance gave me a pretty cheap ring while we custom made my ring. hmmm. :/
Post # 5
I really hope this is a tr*ll post because, if not, you sound really ungrateful. If you and your man are not on the same page, that’s one issue but, if this is truly just about ring size, it seems like you are being materialistic.
Post # 6
What’s more important, your fi feelings, or what other people think? There is no graceful way to say to anyone ” I don’t like what you got me ” That reeks of inconsideration. He may have been able to get something more expensive but maybe he thinks other things are worth spending money on more than the ring.
You can try to tell him that you care about what other people think and you are ashamed of the ring and him for being cheap, but where is that going to get you? I hope you can find a way to love your ring and remember that it’s the man who’s important and the relationship, NOT the ring.
Post # 7
I don’t think you sound ungrateful. You went shopping- picked something out that was more affordable than going the Tiffany’s route and then he shows up with something totally different. I would be like- where we not shopping toghether?? I think you have a right to feel confused and at least want an explanation as to why he went in a totally different direction as to what you guys agreed on and looked at.
I’m with you- there would be no way I would be happy with anything less than what we looked at when we went shopping. My Darling Husband wouldn’t want me to be unhappy and I can’t imagine that you Fiance wants that either. Talk to him, explain to him that you just aren’t feeling this ring, and have him explain why he picked this paticular one. I can’t imagine why you can’t just switch out the diamond, if you like the setting.
Post # 8
bronzegoddess: First off what size ring do you wear? If you have larger hands I can understand where you think that it looks small. However, if you have small hands I don’t think you should worry. A lot of people have .5 cts and they look great.
Also, you mentioned your friends rings who don’t make as much, you don’t know how they got those. The stone might have been in the family, or they could be sapphire or mossianite which don’t cost as much as diamonds and you can get a much bigger stone for a cheaper price. Also, are theirs halos or double halos because that too can make a ring look much bigger.
I won’t think that you’re not worth a bigger stone, you are worth something if he put a ring on it. But if you are really concerned about it, maybe just tell him that you thought you liked this style to begin with but after wearing it who think you might like something different, but I don’t think you should tell him that the size is the problem.
Post # 9
The size of your ring has no relation to how much your fiance loves you.
The size of other peoples’ rings doesn’t matter.
People who judge your ring aren’t worth your time or energy, because they need their priorities fixed.
I can understand stylistically liking a larger stone, but from what you’ve written here, you’re only worried about the ring as a Status Symbol. IMO thinking that way is unhealthy.
I would re-evaluate why you feel the need to impress people.
Post # 10
First, let me forewarn you that any posts that talk about one’s stone being too small tend to get flamed pretty hard here, so brace yourself. Taking your post at face value and passing no judgment, I will say that how I personally would proceed would have a lot to do with how much communication you had with your now-FI ahead of time. You say you both make six figures, but that doesn’t take into account how much debt he may or may not have and other financial obligations (and overall cost of living in whatever area you live in…where I live, anywhere in the low six figures sadly doesn’t go very far).
That said, when you would mention to him your expectations of the ring, what was his response? Did you ever say that you specifically want at least 1ct; if so, did he explicity say or imply that he would be sure to meet that requirement? If you didn’t communicate this to him pretty clearly, it’s entirely possible that you’re just on two different pages. To him, 0.5 ct could seem like a really nice ring and he would have no idea that he was “cheaping out” on you from your perspective. If that’s the case, I think you’re just going to have to compromise and approach him gently about upgrading the stone for some special anniversary (be it one year, five year, etc).
Now, if you communicated all of this ahead of time and he made it clear that that’s the ring you’d be getting, I understand why you would be disappointed and I think you should discuss it with him. And not because you don’t have a flashy ring and feel self-conscious around your friends (that would be pretty materialistic and stupid because f*** anyone that looks down on others for crap like that) but because he knew what your expectations were, had the ability to meet them, said he would, and then didn’t.
Post # 11
bronzegoddess: Ok so your combined household income is $200,000+? Yeah…. to be honest, I’d expect a bigger ring.
HOWEVER…. there are a ton of different reasons why your fiance would have bought you the ring he did and why you shouldn’t worry about things like the status symbol of a big ring. Maybe your friends’ rings were purchased on credit or maybe they spent years saving up for the rings. Maybe your fiance doesn’t believe a ring should cost a lot. My ring is .43 ct with a halo. My finger is a size 4 and it looks great.
I can understand why you’d wonder whether your fiance really paid attention to your tastes, but cost may have played a part
Post # 12
Could you maybe get a really blingy wedding band? (Or two!) that might help, but for now I would try talking to him, as nicely as possible.
Post # 13
You sound like a child whining over something silly – sorry to be harsh.
Perhaps you should have looked into diamond alternative where you could have gotten the extra size for the same price as a 0.50 diamond. Maybe he spent more on the QUALITY of the stone than the carat weight.
Post # 14
why would ppl judge you or your fiance over your small diamond when your each making 3 figures a year? That’s a LOT! I would talk to him about it…making that kind of money I would have expected more too.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn
bronzegoddess: The size of your diamond has nothing to do with how much your fiance loves you, your worth as a human being, or how happy your marriage wil or will not be.