Post # 1
I’m a little torn. I’m in a long distance relationship, we’re both still in school and so we don’t have alot of money. At all. We kind of scrape together what we have as is to be able to see each other a few times a year. There’s been talk of a future, house, kids, marriage, the dog, everything but no official proposal. He does want me to move there after he graduates (which would be next winter, so by next spring) and being from another country that involves getting married so I can live there legally.
Where I’m stuck is rings (well, I’m stuck on alot of things but rings is what I’m asking about right this second). Some people have said that it’s up to him if he wants to get me a ring and wanting anything more than my wedding band is a little materialistic, however most say that the ring I want is too cheap, they respond with an astonished “that’s so cheap!” or “aren’t engagement rings supposed to be 6 weeks pay?” or some variation thereof.
I’ve never been a huge jewelry person, I like the few simple silver pieces I have and don’t like changing them, creature of habit I suppose, something get’s comfy and that’s it. I’d never feel comfortable wearing something that could cost as much as a car or a year’s rent, but I don’t want to wear something “fake” either. I recently went into a jewelry store just to get measured having no idea what size ring I’d need, and the owner was very nice and spent a good hour talking about jewelry with me. I guess he saw my face when I saw the price tags on some things and he offered to take a plain white gold band and add a small diamond to it. I’m kind of iffy on diamonds, they’re so beautiful but everyone has one or expects you to have one so I asked him about white topaz which he said he could do. My birthstone is topaz but I really dislike the yellow colour so I figured white topaz would be clear like a diamond, maybe not sparkle as much, but it’s a real stone, kind of my birthstone and will still go with everything.
Bottom line, the ring I would love love love to have is a plain 3mm white gold band ($120) with a solitaire setting ($50) and a 25-40pt white topaz ($25) and a cute engraving maybe ($15) so total $210 plus tax.
Should I even be wanting this? Is it too much? Too little? Too specific?
I really do want an engagement ring since I’ll be waiting a while for the wedding I expect, and I shouldn’t really care what people think but people already scoff at our relationship and don’t think it’s “real” so having a ring will help and I think it will help me with the waiting too. I know that I really DON’T want something that’s not me, I’ve never been as glamorous as many of you bees so the bling would be too much. I’m so lost…
Post # 3
I think it sounds absolutely perfect – you designed it yourself do you know it’s something you’ll love. I don’t think it’s greedy of you but I also don’t think it’s ‘too cheap’. If it is a ring you love them that makes it just right for you and I really don’t think there’s a ‘minimum spend’ where engagement rings are concerned.
Post # 3
I think you should go for it! You’re going to have to wear it forever and I believe you should like it. Plus, it’s not very expensive (relatively speaking). I voted that I think it’s important because it sounds like it’s important to you. Good luck!
Post # 4
@lionskitty: If that’s what you want, you shouldn’t have any doubts about it. I say that assuming that you can afford that ring. My ring is a blue topaz and I love it!
Post # 5
I dont think you need to spend more. I had just left school and my Fiance was half way through. There is no problem doing something you like instead of some big diamond ring. The ring I choose was actually a right hand ring and not an engagement ring but still in white gold and with diamonds. Ive met men that had no clue it was ok to spend less than 3 months income, my boss regrets having spent 6000$ on a ring once he saw mine. With all this said do what you want and not what is expected of you.
Post # 6
Ditto what everyone else said above– it sounds lovely!
Post # 7
There are no hard and fast rules. I’m pretty sure those ‘it should be X paycheck’ was started by Zales so they could make more money. Seriously!! 20 years ago it was 2 paychecks…now it’s 6? COME ON.
My fiance had lost his job and paid for mine with his tax return. So it’s small but it’s perfect – and I am not a flashly girl so it works for me. He kept saying that we would replace it when he starts working again (he’s been working for months but now we’re saving for the wedding) but I don’t want another ring. I love my small delicate one because to me, it’s a wonderful reminder that even though he had nothing, he still found a way to ask me to marry him. I find it incredibly romantic. AND its the perfect size to give to a daughter or granddaughter for her 16th birthday.
Trust your gut! 🙂
Post # 8
I think you’re worrying too much. 🙂
The best piece of advice my jeweler ever gave me: look for what you love, then find it within your budget. If you fall in love with a design that’s 300K, so be it. Figure out what it is about the ring, those style aspects, that you love then look for them in the lower price points. That way you aren’t limiting your options before you’ve even begun to look. My ring was found in a similar method. I think the setting I loved was like 120K (yea, no way in hell we can afford that) but we then looked for something similar within budget and found it at a 2K price point.
I guess what I’m saying is if you love, love, love it, get it. If you only love it because it’ll keep you from feeling guilty about cost – maybe you should keep your options open. I totally get worrying about cost. I really do. But you shouldn’t feel bad about loving something and you shouldn’t feel like you shouldn’t want things. It’s human to want. But you should also learn to drown out those outside opinions. They don’t have to wear your ring, so you should get what you love. Don’t worry about how they’ll view your relationship. I promise you, they don’t spend much time thinking about it. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 9
Don’t get caught up in the hype of “have to”. Get what you love. You’re the one wearing it every day. Sounds like you’ve designed something gorgeous and uniquely you. And at $210 it’s a STEAL!!!
Post # 10
Are you me?! Seriously. I’m also in Montreal, in an LDR with someone who in order for me to move to requires getting married… So weird!
I’m also not a jewellery person and don’t like flashy and expensive things – we’re grad students, we’re raising a child, I travel often and don’t want to worry about losing something that costs a few months rent. Your ring sounds perfect for what you’re looking for. I picked mine and it cost less than that, and we were both happy with the decision. We’d rather spend the extra money on visits, an upcoming move, and necessities like rent and tuition 🙂
I also totally get you on wanting a ring of some kind – I don’t think it’s materialistic or anything else. I think especially in an LDR, which a lot of people tend to put down as “you don’t really know if you want to be together” etc, it’s important to have a small symbol of that commitment.
Post # 11
I think an engagement ring is important but it’s important that you get what you are comfortable with. If your style only cost $210 it costs $210. All that matters is that you love it!
Post # 12
You should put an optoin in the survey for “just right”. I think your idea sonuds wonderful! Don’t let others tell you what should matter to you and your honey in your relationship. Just go with your heart and don’t doubt it one second. We’re also going for a $300-400 moissanite ring, and I couldn’t be happier with it. It’s not the money spent that matters, but the significance of it. Good luck with all the planning!
Post # 13
When I started pushing for Fiance to marry me I was super cheap, like setting a price limit of $100 cheap (yea I’m that girl), but he went behind my back and he tried his best to find something that wouldn”t break us, and he did, my diamond white gold solitaire was $270. So is it possible to not break the bank? Yes. And is my ring one of the most important things I’ve ever owned? Yes. But it isn’t what the ring is made of that makes it important, it’s the symbol it stands for that makes it my ring. It could have cost him 50 cents and be made out of wire with a peice of gravel for a stone, but it still symbolizes that my man chose me to spend the rest of his life with because he loves me that much.
Post # 14
@squeak: added the option, thanks for the suggestion!
Post # 15
Thanks so much for the support! Super pleasantly surprised at how fast people responded!