Post # 1
My fiance proposed over the weekend and it was absolutely perfect. I love him so much but the ring he got for me, while very pretty, is just not what I had in mind. It is a 200 dollar created emerald ring (I saw the display in the store when we went in to ask about resizing). I by no means expected him to spend 2-3 months salary, I just thought my engagement ring would be something a bit more special and I am concerned about this ring being able to endure decades of daily wear. I know he only went into two stores before making his purchase so its not as though he spent weeks shopping around.
There is some other background on this which is making the situation so difficult for me. I am foreign and in order to stay in the country we have to get married next month. So while we had spoken about getting married and were actually in the process of arranging our courthouse wedding we actually were not engaged. My fiance and I were very frustrated and sad about the situation so he decided to propose to try to bring some romance and control back into the situation. The actual proposal was so thoughtful and romantic and really made me realise even more how lucky I am to have him.
With all this being said I know I sound ungrateful not being in love with the ring. I am not even wanting to change it right now, I just wondered if I could talk to him about upgrading in a few years or about getting a different ring when we pick out wedding bands. We are putting off having a wedding celebration and reception until next year because of the short time frame and the fact that none of my friends and family from back home are able to make it.
I would appreciate some feedback but please be kind, I am already completely gutted by this situation and the thought of hurting my fiance by talking about this keeps me up at night and brings me to tears.
Post # 2
If “a bit more special” means “a lot more expensive”, then that discussion needs to take into account his financial situation, his personal approach to finanances, and many other things we don’t know.
But a diplomatic way to approach this could be the “daily wear” route, as emeralds are soft when compared to rubies, sapphires, moissanite, and diamond. Keep the emerald ring for some special occasions, but suggest at some point getting a more durable stone for daily wear. (If finances are an issue, moissanite might be a great choice. I’m leaning towards it myself even without the financial consideration.) Maybe you could wear the emerald on anniversaries or something, to remember the special proposal day.
Post # 3
So the one thing to think about here is just the durability of the emerald. Consider asking if you could swap the ring for something at a similar price point with maybe a lab created sapphire/ruby instead? I’d imagine you’d be able to find something comparable and could maybe turn choosing it together into a fun and positive experience?
Post # 4
I’m not sure how you want to broach this subject, but you will want to do it lightly. It is extremely thoughtful, caring, and loving for him to make this special for you both. Perhaps he did not realize that emeralds are not forever, I imagine it is beautiful though, the thought behind it certainly is.
I’m not sure what you’re looking for in a ring, but I got mine from an Etsy shop called esdomera. I got my wedding band custom made form them as well. They carry moissanite, gemstones, and even small diamond rings. They are quality pieces and come in a multitude of metals, including gold (10k, 14k, 18k) in all colors. Their prices are amazing! You will be able to find something to withstand a lifetime for about $300.00, maybe a little more. I would definitely look there!
Post # 5
Dear Bee- Sorry to hear you’re not fully enjoying this period of your life because of your engagement ring. I’d try to shift my focus onto the more important things here: you need to get married soon (or else risk not being able to stay with him) and his financial situation. It sounds like he’s really trying to focus on making sure you guys can stay together and maybe he just didn’t have the luxury of spending all the time in the world looking for the “perfect” ring.
Yes- when the time seems appropriate (maybe when you guys start planning your wedding or when you both are all settled in as a married couple) you can talk to him about getting a nicer ring. Honestly though, in the grand scheme of things, I don’t think the ring really matters- you will always see someone wearing a “nicer” ring and other women will always critize, no matter what. Also, all rings suffer wear and tear and it’s very common for women to “upgrade” years later.
I’d say, focus on enjoying your engagement and try to forget about the ring (for now, at least).
Post # 6
mselizabeth : I like the idea of gently either suggesting to get another ring when it’s time for wedding bands due to “daily wear reasons” and “not wanting to mess up the ring because it’s so special/beautiful” or your other option depending on finances is to not say a word, be greatful for it, and then years down the road suggest a different ring for daily wear… by then your current one may be a bit worn which would make a perfect excuse to upgrade. I know you’re upset and it sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now but just remember to take time to enjoy this phase of your lives together. Try to go on little dates and remember what’s important to you. Depending on your relationship dynamic and how open you are with eachother may effect how you approach this topic but I trust that you’ll know what’s right for you! Best of luck(:
Post # 7
Thanks so much for the advice! The financial thing really confuses me, he is by no means super wealthy but we usually spend more than that on weekends away and birthdays and he is not particularly thrifty in other aspects. He also had me sign a prenup (common practice in SA) that cost more than the engagement ring which is making me a little sad. I will try to move on from this privately and bring it up again in the future, maybe when we are looking at bands. He is such a wonderful man, perhaps he thought this was the perfect ring for me. Again really appreciate the feedback, much better to say my thoughts and feelings here than say something I can’t take back to my fiancee.