Engagement ring conundrum

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
129 posts
Blushing bee

If “a bit more special” means “a lot more expensive”, then that discussion needs to take into account his financial situation, his personal approach to finanances, and many other things we don’t know.

But a diplomatic way to approach this could be the “daily wear” route, as emeralds are soft when compared to rubies, sapphires, moissanite, and diamond. Keep the emerald ring for some special occasions, but suggest at some point getting a more durable stone for daily wear. (If finances are an issue, moissanite might be a great choice. I’m leaning towards it myself even without the financial consideration.) Maybe you could wear the emerald on anniversaries or something, to remember the special proposal day.

Post # 3
302 posts
Helper bee

So the one thing to think about here is just the durability of the emerald. Consider asking if you could swap the ring for something at a similar price point with maybe a lab created sapphire/ruby instead? I’d imagine you’d be able to find something comparable and could maybe turn choosing it together into a fun and positive experience?

Post # 4
188 posts
Blushing bee

Hey Bee,

I’m not sure how you want to broach this subject, but you will want to do it lightly. It is extremely thoughtful, caring, and loving for him to make this special for you both. Perhaps he did not realize that emeralds are not forever, I imagine it is beautiful though, the thought behind it certainly is.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for in a ring, but I got mine from an Etsy shop called esdomera. I got my wedding band custom made form them as well. They carry moissanite, gemstones, and even small diamond rings. They are quality pieces and come in a multitude of metals, including gold (10k, 14k, 18k) in all colors. Their prices are amazing! You will be able to find something to withstand a lifetime for about $300.00, maybe a little more. I would definitely look there!

Post # 5
53 posts
Worker bee

Dear Bee- Sorry to hear you’re not fully enjoying this period of your life because of your engagement ring. I’d try to shift my focus onto the more important things here: you need to get married soon (or else risk not being able to stay with him) and his financial situation. It sounds like he’s really trying to focus on making sure you guys can stay together and maybe he just didn’t have the luxury of spending all the time in the world looking for the “perfect” ring. 

Yes- when the time seems appropriate (maybe when you guys start planning your wedding or when you both are all settled in as a married couple) you can talk to him about getting a nicer ring. Honestly though, in the grand scheme of things, I don’t think the ring really matters- you will always see someone wearing a “nicer” ring and other women will always critize, no matter what. Also, all rings suffer wear and tear and it’s very common for women to “upgrade” years later. 

I’d say, focus on enjoying your engagement and try to forget about the ring (for now, at least).


Post # 6
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

View original reply
mselizabeth :  I like the idea of gently either suggesting to get another ring when it’s time for wedding bands due to “daily wear reasons” and “not wanting to mess up the ring because it’s so special/beautiful” or your other option depending on finances is to not say a word, be greatful for it, and then years down the road suggest a different ring for daily wear… by then your current one may be a bit worn which would make a perfect excuse to upgrade. I know you’re upset and it sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now but just remember to take time to enjoy this phase of your lives together. Try to go on little dates and remember what’s important to you. Depending on your relationship dynamic and how open you are with eachother may effect how you approach this topic but I trust that you’ll know what’s right for you! Best of luck(:

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