- 4 years ago
- Wedding: March 2020
I can’t spell and I am at work so sorry ahead of time for that, I basically created an account for advice but have been lurking for a bit now.
So me and SO never fight about anything. I mean we disagree and maybe even lightly argue but not like full on verbal brawl which is what this has turned into.
The issue, I come from a super traditional family and so the whole 3x times your paycheck equals ring is totes a thing. Thankfully for us, I just blatantly lie about how much my SO makes because that the concept of spending like 20k on a ring is insane to me! Like that is like two really nice vacations or more rationally a decent addition to our retirement savings. Honestly, we are on the west coast so it isn’t even that much money when you break it down, like housing is crazy out here…. So we argue on that, that isn’t the issue!
I hate diamonds, or jewelry really. Like why? I get decorating yourself and totally don’t care about other people doing it but for me, it’s super weird to have stuff on my hands and neck. Like what am I, a fancy prisoner? Honestly, my shrink thinks it is a blatant rejection of the values instilled in me as a child growing up in the south but I am fairly sure it is more than I prefer comfort and entertainment over aesthetic.
Knowing this and that my lame ass crazy southern fam will want some kind of insane display of true love or commitment, so SO is set on buying me some piece of jewelry and doing the whole public popping the question thing which is totally them(my family) but it doesn’t represent us.
So here is where the disagreement began, I rationally suggested that if he were going to officially propose that he should get me a pony. I mean think about it, how freaking over the top is that? Like it is completely left field, I mean who freaking give someone a pony in lieu of an engagement ring??
His mom is his only fam and could give a freak what we do but my fam will bombard me with a shitty typhoon for the likes of which has not been seen since I announced I was bi in high school on facebook if we just don’t do an engagement and just get married for taxes.
So back to the pony, and yes I am dead serious because a pony proposal is some much awesome it’s insane. He isn’t having it though, he is all ” Why a pony?” and “Where are we gonna keep it” and “There are no pony daycares, you work 60 hour weeks, and, you can’t take it to work with you” and ” In fact, how are you gonna fit a pony in your Prius” along with “Are you messing with me right now??”…. No, Smoochyboochy, I am not messing with you and why are you having a fit over this?
Like it’s a great idea. Picture this, we are at a restaurant and he gets down on one knee with the waiter brings out a pony. I start fake crying and pretending to be super surprised…Then we would likely have to take a break to explain to the other patrons that we are not planning on eating the pony since it is a restaurant, likely a steakhouse because even though i have been trying to do the vegan thing he is still all meat and potatoes. Anyway, it would make for a great photo op and ponies are awesome, also i think there are really really small one so i figure it would fit in my hatchback if i can get it to lie down. So I mean, it’s brilliant yet still there is a fight
I mean this fight is insane to me, like where is the guy that drove from Seattle to Portland with me on a work night for donuts? I feel like that guy would propose to me with a freaking pony and worry about the actual logistics of ponydom later. I mean it’s a huge city, I am sure there is some kind of org involving cancer and small children that would love a pony donation. But even with the disagreement on the matter or the pony, why is this a fight….I mean like a serious one, like there weren’t even any nerf guns involved and we never argue without nerf gun!?!?
I know he has been working 80 hour weeks lately because some bs at work and the fact the software co he is enslaved to is literally all that is evil in the tech industry evil. But I mean right now we are literally playing telephone with our on again off again girlfriend/ only friend that we have, who is getting really annoyed about it and that is pissing me off because dating as a couple is difficult as is without our insane hours. If you take the fact that we are also super antisocial weirdos, it is really hard to find a good match and I really don’t want to lose her over this.
Not pelting me with foam darts when he is annoyed isn’t like him, bring other gf into it also isn’t like him, he pretty much only talks to other people that aren’t me for work or if he is banging them so the fact she is in this at all makes me feel like he has lost his shit. I am starting to wonder if this is some kind of midlife crisis thing. I mean, I know he regrets his career to a certain extent and only is still doing it so in 10 years we can just chill and travel and whatnot, but I am starting to think maybe we should just bail on the whole “working” thing and maybe get an RV and freelance.
The Pony is putting a a lot of things in perspective.
So how do I make him see how irrational he is being? Like our gf totes is team pony so while she isn’t lifemate status, she is very much my buddy and I feel like that is validation that he is being ridiculous and is taking the stress of not sleeping ever out on the greatest proposal idea ever.
Also, and this is why it came up in the first place, not being married is costing up crazy bank in taxes and my insurance premiums which his our free but I work for a startup with no bennies besides time off and will just get worse as a get further in my career. He is basically already senior and capped out. We have known from the first week we knew each other that not being together forever just wasn’t an option. Neither of us really need validation that we are pretty much soul mates but again, the tax breaks will be sick soooo it is happening.
And since a wedding is a super great tropical vaca excuse that is happening also, but then we are circling back to the crazy fam issue and the need for a proposal that overshadows the lack of a ring so they don’t harass me on all social media known to man and no I can’t just unplug, I’m in the tech industry and need to people in public online for job reasons so the last thing I need is having them publicly hone in on me. Blocking doesn’t work, they, like the dino babies in the first Jurassic Park movie, always find a way. Like harassment is an artform to them and from every blocked account, two form in it’s place.
I would just cut them off but I still like one or two of them and they come as a package deal of crazy.All I know that a pony proposal is us, like it feels right, I just need to figure out what his damage is and how to fix this. At this point, I am not even sure it about the pony…
So thoughts? Anyone?