Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Hey everyone, I’m new to the site, but I’ve browsed through here a few times 😉 I need some advice regarding my engagement ring problem!
My fiance and I are still in college, so our ring choices were very limited, which was fine with me because I wasn’t at the time concerned with the big blingy status symbol type rings. I wanted a sapphire because it is my birthstone. I got a simple half bezel silver palladium alloy ring with a .75 carat blue green sapphire. I loved it, but soon I started feeling insecure with our choice. I felt no one considered it to be an engagement ring. It was obviously non-traditional, but I still felt like I needed validation.
Long story short, I got extreme ring envy when my half-sister’s other sister got engaged a few months after me and she got so much attention for it. I think my family really dropped the ball on my engagement because I’m only 22 and the youngest in the family. They really didn’t give my annoucment the recognition it deserved. I then made the decision with my fiance to change the setting to a split prong diamond halo (I paid for it because it was my decision to change it. Only seemed fair to me). I was in love with it, and felt much more secure because it actually looked like a legit engagement ring. But now I’m running into issues with it. It absolutely does not match my style at all. I have a very laid back/beachy style and this large glitzty ring looks so bizarre on me. I have a very active lifestyle (yoga, surfing, running etc) and the ring gets in the way. Also, I get self conscious around his family while wearing the ring. His mom especially. She is always berating him not to spend a penny on me (we are still in college and money is tight) so walking around with this flashy ring really made me uncomfortable…
So here is the issue: I am thinking about changing it again. I feel awful about it, but my fiance assured me that he doesnt care how many times I change it, as long as I have a ring on my finger and I love it. So I guess I want to know what you guys think about the situation. I guess I need a little support 🙁 sorry this post is so long. I hope some of you take the time to read it. Thanks!
Post # 3
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
@SeaOtter: how long have you had the 2nd ring? maybe try to get used to it for a while instead of being quick to change things
Post # 4
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee
@SeaOtter: First of all, can you post pics of both rings? I’ve never heard of a three-ring bride before the wedding, but it’s certainly not uncommon in married Bees. You’ve got to do what makes you guys comfortable. What about switching between the two you’ve already got?
She is always berating him not to spend a penny on me
Second, this part seems really inappropriate! Does he agree with FMIL that you doesn’t deserve to have any money spent on you? Does she pay for his things and doesn’t want her money being directed at you? What a crazy thing for her to say! You’re his FI for goodness sakes!
Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
@SeaOtter: Can you share a picture! And I understand getting engsged young and money tight. When I got engaged I was 23 and money was very tight! With thst said we got a ring thst we could afford! I will say we have since upgraded but that was when my husband got a new job and money was mich better. You hace to get a ring thst fits you and no one else, you are theo e wearing it everyday! Hope thst helped some! I would love to see this ring!
Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Wow sorry that didnt work. Let me try again.
This is the ring with the new setting.
Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
@li612:
@ceebree: From what I understand she only has one ring… she just changed the setting by adding a diamond halo to the original ring… is that right?
@SeaOtter: First of all, please know that this is said with 100% love, as I kinda know what you are feeling right now… 
It sounds to me that overall your issues are with others’ reactions to your ring… not exactly the ring itself. It sounds gorgeous, but (and this is just me, I could be totally wrong!) no matter what you do right now to this ring you are not going to “love” it.
I think you should just leave it like it is for the moment and think more about the excitement of the upcoming marriage. Sometimes others’ reactions do take away some of our enjoyment, but don’t continue to change your beautiful symbol of commitment and promise just to prove something to other people.
So… later down the road when you’ve been married for a few years, if this is something that still truly bothers you then look into changing it. But right now, I think you will be wasting money trying to fix something that has nothing to do with the ring itself.
Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Wow that took me a long time to type out as I see you posted a picture of the ring while I was typing! lol It is gorgeous!
Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee
@ceebree: The only thing she pays for is his car insurance (the car is technically is in her name because she lent it to him to use for college) He pays for everything else himself (health insurance, rent, college, the works lol) She grew up very poor and she doesnt want him to be “irresponsible” with his money. Thats the only reason I can give!
Post # 11
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
@SeaOtter: that is extremely beautiful, i love it
Post # 12
Member
7 posts
Newbee
@2Bsbkinstle: yes you are correct that it is only one ring- I just changed the setting. However, we are probably going to be enageged for awhile (3 years at least). We are not even thinking of planning the wedding. We decided to wait until after we graduate and get jobs in our respective fields of study. The ring does get in my way a bit. Its not very functional for my active lifestyle, and I end up leaving it in the jewelry box rather than on my finger most days because of that. I’d say I only get to wear it 4 days out of the week :/
Post # 13
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee
@SeaOtter: Got it now. Only one ring. What a stunner!
Post # 14
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
@SeaOtter: How much time have you spent looking at alternatives to what you have? Do you plan on this being your “forever ring”? I think what you have is quite lovely, but I also understand your hesitance in wearing it to your outdoor activities or while you are working out. Are you thinking of perhaps a bezel setting? That would offer (I think) the best protection for that beautiful stone, so would be quite durable for all your activities.
As for FMIL, IMO she needs to mind her own business. If you and FI are paying your bills, it should be no concern of hers where any disposable income is spent.
Post # 15
Member
5504 posts
Bee Keeper
@SeaOtter: That is beautiful. If it were me, I would not change a single thing!!! 🙂
Post # 16
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Thanks for all the compliments everyone! I have looked into a few different alternatives. As much as I love my sapphire, I think it would be easier to find a ring with all my requirements than to find a new setting. For some reason it was incredibly difficult to find just settings for the stone. The rings I am deciding on are all bezel set with low profiles with rose cut stones. Just need to decide which one at this point. FYI, there are all very simplistic (not at all the norm around here) and definitely not flashy at all! So I have no idea what you guys will think!! They are also all from artists on Etsy.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/86654437/rose-cut-moissanite-wreath-ring?ref=col_view
http://www.etsy.com/listing/153467909/pink-sapphire-ring-14k-solid-gold-band?ref=col_view
http://www.etsy.com/listing/159155772/rose-cut-moissanite-ring-in-14k-gold-5mm?ref=col_view
http://www.etsy.com/listing/101782998/rose-cut-blue-sapphire-ring-14k-yellow?ref=col_view
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