Engagement ring disappointment

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Lily123 :  I think 1/4 carat is a nice size personally. My engagement ring is around 1/4 carat, it has a .2 center surrounded by .005s and I think it’s perfect for my ring size of 4.5. That being said if you want a larger stone and are not hung up on clarity there are some beautiful stones on Etsy for reasonable prices. There is one that I think is gorgeous that’s over a carat and under $500 that I’ve shared in a few discussions on here, but it’s still there when I browse so no one has scooped it up yet.

Post # 17
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019 - City, State

I know exactly how you feel. I made a different decision though and asked my Fiance for a different diamond. Not because of size but because of clarity. My size was perfect at 1.03ct but clarity was compromised with lots of inclusions that affected its brilliance. It was hard but I know it would have always bothered me. My Fiance took it rather hard because he wanted me to love it as is. I’m hoping the new diamond will be a better fit for both of us because I want to start off on the right foot and not keep secrets or disappointment. Some may disagree with my way of thinking and that’s ok. I’m the one who has to wear the ring everyday for the rest of my life, not them, and not even my Fiance. That being said I think if it bothers you enough like it did me then talk to him about it. See what he thinks and hopefully he will understand. Good luck! 

Post # 18
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Don’t just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. I personally think the current ring has sentimental value, but if it really bothers you, talk to him about buying an upgrade ring. Do you want to have these same feelings 20 years later because you never said anything? 

Post # 19
Member
6320 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

At this point, I would just find a way to upgrade the ring. If you’ve rocked with it for 5 years and you’re still feeling like it’s bumming you out, it’s time to speak up. I like what PPs have suggested about incorporating your current stone into a new ring as part of a 3 stone ring or something else that you will really like.

I felt like a brat at times when my husband and I were designing my ering together- I have a thing about what I consider a proper balance of lines and curves in a design and all of the designs he liked had lots of lines and angularity and intricacy without enough curves to suit me. Almost every setting he liked I despised and I told him so. But I absolutely love the ring we ended up with and I adore my wedding set and I know he’s happy that I love it and that I tell him all the time how much I love it.

Just say something and take action so your ring can give you pleasure when you look at it and be a symbol of your love and connection AND the fact that the two of you tackle issues together to find the happiest possible solution for BOTH of you.

Then come back and show us the results because I can never get enough ring porn!

Post # 20
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee

If the size of your diamond will always bother you, talk to your husband about the possibility of getting an upgrade for your anniversary.  The love you have for each other is the most important thing and you’ve obviously made it clear that he’s more important to you than a ring. However, if you can’t get over the feeling of never loving your ring, then talk to him.  My husband upgraded my ring and it was no big deal as he knows how much I love and value him and our marriage above all else.

Post # 21
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

As a jewlery lover, I completely understand. It is something you have to wear every single day, it doesn’t mean you love your husband less to feel disappointed with a ring you’re wearing daily. I would maybe have an open conversation with your husband. Perhaps you could get an upgrade and still wear your original e-ring on your right hand? If you think you are in a financial situation to get a new ring, I would say go for it if your husband is ok with it. Again, it does not mean you love him less because you want something more suited to your taste on your finger. Just approach it with love and respect and hopefully your husband will be receptive.

Post # 22
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Lily123 :  Hello, friend! My ring is not to my taste either. I would prefer yellow gold with a 1.5 karat solataire. My fiance asked me to make a pinterest board to show him the kind of thing I like, so I did.  All yellow gold 1.5 karat solataire.

Well, he gave a white gold ring that is just under 1 karat in the middle and just over .5 karat in a channel on either side.

It is a flawless, colorless diamond with a fancy engraved setting. But it is too small and too fancy for me at the same time! Oh my!

However, I like it because it reminds me of the loveable way he tries so hard to please me and most the time mix it up. I imagine him leaning over the counter to tell the jeweler all the ones he shows that match my board are not good enough. He was so proud to tell me he got me a ring that is 1.5 karats, because he saw this is what was on my board. It made me melt in my heart. 

Now another woman in my place could say, the ring represents her husband not listening to her about her taste, he just never listens.

With a smaller diamond, maybe it represents your husband scrimped and saved, got a 2nd job, and bought it for you. Or maybe it represents the thought that the husband never wants to spend money on you; always gets you the 2nd or 3rd best thing because it is what you deserve.

I am thinking, after 5 years, it is not really the ring that bothers you, but what it represents. It is easy to get an enhancer or add something to the ring, but not so easy to change what it represents for you. Even if you get a new ring, no telling if that one would also not only remind you of the small one and the bad thing it represents.  If my ring represented a bad thing in my brain, I either work to fix my thought or — I put the ring a way. Many people do not wear their engagement ring, only their wedding band. 

 

Post # 23
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

Lily123 :  I think you should tell your husband. You should not have to go through life with a ring you do not like. I honestly dont think I would be happy with it either. I would tell him that you need to tell him something you should have told him when he proposed and say that you really wanted a bigger ring in a different style. I would then ask if it would be possible for you to get an upgrade on a special anniversary. Maybe you can get a bigger diamond and keep the same setting or like get another band to go on the other side. I think you should talk to him about it honestly and tell him what you actually wanted. Maybe it could be a special anniversay gift  etc.

Post # 24
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

What about your wedding band? I didn’t choose my engagement ring (pretty but the center diamond is a little on the small side) but I’m totally choosing out a wedding band that’ll make the whole set feel more “me”. Maybe add another ring to your stack for your anniversary? or upgrade the diamond?

Post # 25
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Lily123 :  Seems like, in a happy marriage, after 5 years, you could say to your husband that you’d like a new ring.  A solitair enhancer or an additional ring to wear with your wedding band, or even a trade-up.  I think it’s fine that you don’t love your ring, and I think it’s also nice that at the time, you put his feelings first, because ultimately, it’s a piece of jewelry.  It’s not the everlasting unparalleled symbol of eternal love that little girls dream it is.  I mean, ffs, it used to be a symbol of ownership. 🙂

Post # 27
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I’ve always felt that selecting a ring for a woman is probably a stressful experience for a man, wondering if it’s what she wants, if she’ll like it, if she’ll just pretend to like it, etc. Even when he knows her well, and knows her taste, jewelry styles are so abundant, and each store has something different and can be very confusing for a man who usually by nature isn’t very interested in shopping anyway unless it’s for tools or something. 😉

It’s such a personal purchase, much more so than even a necklace. Not much different than him picking out a purse, for you. And with such importance riding on it (being the most important piece of jewelry you will own) it can’t be a easy thing for him to do. Many times my husband in a jewelry store could see something he likes, and it is very pretty, but I would have chosen a different piece. He has great taste, but I am the one who would be wearing it, and that’s the difference. 

I think a man gets points to even attempt this at all, not to mention spending that kind of money for something that they can’t even use. Like looking at a diamond with a price tag in the 4 figures and wondering how such a little stone that will only sit on your finger could be worth that, when he could be buying a hot tub or snowmobile or something for the same amount. 

Now, from a woman’s point of view, she is the one to wear it and needs to like it. If it brings up feelings every time she sees it, or puts it away and never wears it for the same reason, then she needs to address this. I think a lot of men would actually be relieved to have the woman take over and pick it out, or upgrade it, taking the pressure off of them, and would understand just the same way as if she bought him a tool, or a lawnmover, etc. that was the wrong one or not the one he wanted. He would be back at the store the next day. And he would likely be more vocal about her buying him the wrong thing than a woman who kept her mouth shut about her ring.

Post # 27
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

That’s what upgrades are for I supposed. Just talk to Darling Husband and let him know you’re wanting something a little different now that it’s been 5 years 

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