(Closed) Engagement ring family drama

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 211
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, sorry I didn’t read all the responses, I tried to skim through for OPs reponses (which is a little hard right now with the site upgrade)…. but, I think that is absolutely bullshit ridiculous!!!!  His Mother is upset that your ring is bigger than hers???  She needs to grow up.  There is no such rule, she’s making that crap up.  My ring is bigger than everyones in FI’s family, his mother included and she had nothing but compliments about it.  It’s bigger than my mothers ring, she has no issue with it either.  The fact that he would be willing to just listen to his mother about this and completely disregard your feelings, and in fact get upset at YOU for not knowing this “ettique” is worry some.  It’s not just about the ring, it’s about everything in life in the future.  Do you plan on having kids?  What is Future Mother-In-Law tells him something about the way he *should* raise kids cause , you know, she’s an expert since she has kids, that completely goes against what you want.  It would appear based on this, that he would fight you tooth and nail to do it his mothers way. 

Post # 212
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I usually don’t respond to this type of post but now I am, so there.  First off, I did read all the responses, I am enraptured and perplexed…

I think there are several things going on that OP is dealing with.  First off I get the feeling this family is from money?  Would that be right?  We may never know because OP said bye a couple postings ago which was her nice way of saying she did not agree with what was being said or is to immature to deal with what people were saying.  That said, I get the impression that the issue with the ring being bigger than someone elses may be a mix of the family being from ‘money’ and ‘culture’ both throw interesting curve balls into the situation in how people act.  The OP never did say what culture she is from – but – regardless if its an issue its an issue.  It would be nice to know what culture we are talking about to have some direction on if the your ring is bigger than mine  issue is ‘normal’ or unfounded.

Secondly, its wrong that because someone has a problem with my  ring for whatever reason they act rude to me.  If someone has a problem with my ring I would dare them to come over and remove it from my figure themselves.  I would in fact tell my fiance if it were such an issue that I would wear nothing.  No ring, then no one would have anything to be jealious of or bothered by.  And yes I’m being serious I would not wear one.  For the fiance to even suggest he wants my gift back would cause me to say I don’t want a ring at all.  Why make life difficult?  No ring, no problem.

Thirdly, the OP keeps talking about not wanting this particular family to judge her.  But, is it smart to think the ring will be the end of the judgements from this family?  I think not.  The OP also seems to feel the family is ‘judging’ her for being greedy.  When it comes down to it does it really matter if people judge her?  In reality the OP should not care.  But, from what OP and Fiance have done and said they both don’t want to be judged by this family.  One would have to ask if this is a smart family to be marrying into.  I would tend to say to stay away.  

Lastly, OP seems like she is totally falling apart over people saying to not marry this man.  OP does not have her head on straight if she is staying up all night crying over this board.  OP is focusing all her frustrations out on individuals who have responded on this board which is ass backwards.  It sounds as though OP does not have the maturity to handle any of the situations talked about above.

 

Post # 213
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

WHAT?! I have never heard of such a thing in my life. What a spiteful woman to demand that of her son. To be honest this is a bad situation you’re in. I’m sure you love this man but it doesn’t seem like he can stand up for you to his mother. This could get very ugly in the near future if she continues to think that way. Will he cancel the wedding if it cost more than his mother’s? I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is very strange.

Post # 214
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant

This etiquette is not a “thing.” It’s just the family being jealous and controlling, in my opinion.

Personally I would be extremely upset with Fiance for pulling this move.  He took away your engagement ring (which you loved and I’m sure were already really attached to!) to make his mom and family happy!  What is he going to do when you have wedding planning or child raising disagreement in the future!?

His mom should be proud that her son that she raised has it together enough to afford a nicer ring for his Fiance than hers! 

Post # 215
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

Thats NOT against etiquitte! I have never heard of anything like that before! You shouldn’t have given him back the ring and honestly I think you should reconsider being in a relationship with this man after himself and his mother made such fools of themselves! He clearly has no respect for you and his mother will be controlling your relationship for the rest of her life.

Post # 216
Member
19 posts
Newbee

“Against etiquette”? WTF?? She’s just being a jealous bitch and the fact that he’s on her side would piss me off SO MUCH.

Have you talked to him about the money issue? I don’t feel like he’s supportive in any way.

Post # 217
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You should be insulted.  Your future Mother-In-Law sounds like a pill – a petty little child.  Who does that?!  Seriously.   The fact that he took it back would be enough for me to leave, period.  Sorry you’re going through this – that is some cold hard math to wake up to.

Post # 218
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

What the FUCK? Dump that asshole and his horrible family! I would’ve thrown the ring back at him and told him to keep it. What a horrible situation to be in I am so sorry for you.

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