(Closed) Engagement ring family drama

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 47
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I too had no clue there was an etiquette for size of stone not being bigger than FMIL’s! Did she create this (or someone in the family) out of jealousy? 

I do feel quite bad you are in the middle of this!

Future Mother-In-Law should have been proud her son could afford such a ring! I thought parents should want more for their children than maybe what they had/have? Perhaps I’m completely wrong with this statement 

Post # 48
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@booteefull:  

what was your relationship like with his family before you got engaged? They sound like a bunch of freaks, run for the hills!

Post # 49
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@booteefull:  This has nothing to do with you. It’s MIL’s own insecurities coming out and she’s being incredibly disrespectful towards you and her son. If she had an issue with your ring being bigger than hers, she should take that up with her husband, not take it out on you and FI! 

I don’t think you should dump your fiancee, but you need to have a serious talk with him about why what she did is not okay and that he should have stood up for you. No one thinks you’re greedy.

If anything, Mother-In-Law should be proud her son can afford to provide such a lovely gift to his future wife. Hugs to you and shaking my damn head to someone like your Future Mother-In-Law who calls herself a woman. She’s a disgrace. 

Post # 50
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

@booteefull:  You know, SO and I have been looking at rings for about a month and a half, and I fell in love with one that was over budget. SO can’t seem to keep his mouth shut and claims that he has always been “open with his parents about money.” Well it turns out, both his mother and father (they’re divorced) and the parent’s new spouses think his budget is too large. His mother suggested he look at rings in the 4-6k range, when her e-ring cost well over $20k. That was insulting enough, not to mention that amount wouldn’t begin to cover the specs we deemed appropriate, but what’s really crazy is these men seem to listen to what their families think we should have. I would be LIVID if my “fiance” did to me what yours did to you. Actually, as soon as he took the ring back, that would have been the end of our relationship. Good luck to you!

Post # 51
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

View original reply
@booteefull:  I’m laughing at the comment that person posted which makes reference to a viral youtube video where a kid says that.

I’m not laughing at your situation at all as I’ve already given you advice and it’s one of the more sadder situations I’ve ever read on the bee.

Post # 52
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@booteefull  That is some serious bullshit. I’ve never even heard of that.

The fact that your Fiance came home and took the ring off your finger to make his bitch mother happy SPEAKS VOLUMES. He’s a mommas boy, always will be and will ALWAYS value her opinion over yours. RUN RUN RUN AWAY.

I’d request the original ring back and tell him to tell his mom to get a grip. If she wants a bigger diamond have her freaking husband buy it for her. She’s being a first class grade A BITCH.

His entire family sounds messed up if they give you the cold shoulder over this FAKE BULLSHIT JEALOUS “ETIQUETTE”

Maybe someone should teach your Future Mother-In-Law some etiquette “If you don’t have anything nice to say, smile and keep your f*cking mouth shut”

 

Post # 53
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
@Evanstobe:  +1. OP I apologize if it seemed I was poking fun at you. I was more mind boggled by your fiance’s behavior along with his family’s. What they did and the way they’ve made you feel about your engagement ring is just absolutely ridiculous. You shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed because your FMIL’s insecure about the size of her own ring. Why is she comparing herself to you anyway? Is this a new thing, or have they done stuff like this before?

Post # 54
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My Mother-In-Law doesn’t even have a stone, and frankly she rarely even wears her plain band.  Does that mean I shouldn’t get a stone either?

That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, OP.  I have never ever heard of this so called “etiquette.”  It just doesn’t make sense. And your fiance should be on your side, not still pandering to his mommy.  

Post # 55
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
@booteefull:  This has nothing to do with etiquette. Your Fiance and your Future Mother-In-Law are being ridiculous. How were you supposed to know a) the size of her ring or b) the size of the ring your Fiance was planning to buy? If anyone is at fault here, it is your fiance. Who gives a gift and then takes it away? That is an ACTUAL violation of etiquette.

It is a big red flag that your fiance is blaming you for his mother’s irrational anger. How old are you two? Does he usually take his mother’s side over you?

Post # 56
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

As soon as my man took my ring back from me because his mother thought it was too big,the relationship would be over.Hell would freeze before I marry a man like that and into a family like that.

I’m sorry sweetie,don’t feel bad because you did nothing wrong.

Post # 57
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

View original reply
@booteefull:  Are you serious??? I don’t mean to be rude, or mean, but WTF is wrong with you??? how in the world is it your fault that he got you a bigger ring? plus who the hell is she to say you can’t have a bigger one!? That is just ridiculous! if my Fiance got me a ring and then told me he had to return it because it was bigger than his mom’s ring I would tell him to F*** off and not even bother with another ring, because the engagement would be over!!! I can’t even believe you are feeling bad about this like if it was your fault your future Mother-In-Law is an idiot, as is his family for thinking that you are after his money just because he got you something better than they have. So you are always going to have to aim for things that are less than what they have? just to make sure they don’t think all you care about is money? I think you have to think long and hard about what type of family and man you will be getting involve with for the rest of your life.

Post # 58
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

If it was bad etiquette to have a ring larger than your FMIL’s then most women wouldn’t have a ring by now because we’d constantly be having to decrease in size.

Also, if my ring had to be smaller than my FMIL’s it would mean not having one at all because she either doesn’t have one or never wears it or her wedding band.

My stone is larger than my mother’s, and I assume my FMIL’s, and both of them were THRILLED for me.

Honestly, I would be having a serious conversation with my fiancé. The ring is a gift which he is now choosing to take back because of somebody else, a gift which you love and is supposed to signify your committment to each other. This ring is perfect for you, for who you are, it’s your taste and what you like. I would have him seriously consider whether him taking back something that’s good for you and makes you happy will also be a common trend later on. What else will he take away from you at the insistence of others that makes you happy, just because it bothers somebody else?

If his mother is so upset about her smaller ring, then what she really needs to do is tell her husband to get her a new ring. This is not your problem, at all, do not feel bad about it and don’t be afraid to be straight forward with your fiancé.

Post # 59
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have never heard of such a thing. Your future mil sounds like a piece of work! Catty, jealous and insecure much? And I’m sorry but your Fiance sounds like a jackass for blaming you and taking the ring back-I mean really?!?!

 

On the off chance that it is a cultural thing, he picked the ring out and he should know his family dynamics/expectations better than you.  

Post # 60
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is insane. I’ve never heard of that either and if they can’t be happy for you then shame on them. Honestly I would return the ring and head for the hills! If they are this crazy about something that should be a happy time imagine how they will be in the future? No thanks!

Post # 61
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would be disgusting with my Fiance if he took back my ring because it was larger than his mothers (it is).

He presented you with a gift, asked for your hand in marriage, and then took it back to appease his mother.. I don’t think you should drop him, but I do think you should be having a discussion about who comes first (the answer is you). If he doesn’t get that through his head, give you back your ring, and put his mother back in her place.. I’d consider leaving.

I don’t find being a pushover to be a redeeming quality in a man.

ETA: Upon further thought, I don’t think I’d be able to get over the fact that my Fiance took my engagement ring back.

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