(Closed) Engagement Ring! I’m confused! Please Help!!! Should I talk to him about it? :(

posted 10 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think he was “ignoring” your choice, but rather getting you what he wanted you to wear. If the 3 stones mean something to him, take that as him being romantic, and be thankful he put so much thought into it! I had always imagined a halo or a solitaire, but DH had wanted me to have a 3-stone. He doesn’t make big decisions very often, so when he told me he wanted me to wear it, and why, (same past present future idea as your FI) I loved the idea and agreed to it! I love my ring now!

Yes, a halo is beautiful as well. Just be thankful that he put a lot of thought into it and remember the meaning behind the ring! =]

Post # 18
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would definitely talk to him about it. I have to disagree with some of the comments here. Yes it is very sweet that he put some thought into it. However, the fact that he completely diregarded your feelings and wishes are what bothers me. If my Fiance did that it would have me upset if I were in the same situation. Yes he traditionally gets to pick the ring, but is he the one wearing it? What about the bands? Have you discussed that? Will he be picking out his own band or will you be picking out his band? Will your band match your ring? The only thing you might be able to do to get a halo effect would be to get two bands to wrap it. That is without seeing the ring though.

I am typically the last one to comment on the unhappy ring comments, however, I do get tired of people saying be happy because you got a ring. Not everyone loves their ring and there are ways to make it more you. I think maybe making the wedding band more you will be the best way to go.

Post # 19
Member
12300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mandypop:But seriously, considering its probably the most expensive thing he’ll ever buy in his life, if the symbolism of the 3 stone ring was important to him, than I say thats meaningful and worth honoring.

On the same note, my engagement ring is likely to be the single most expensive item I’ll ever own except my car and house, so I should love it too!  I know he should like it too, but it sits on my finger all day!  Maybe you two can come to a compromise that you both like.  I dropped hints, and he took them and went with what I liked.  If he had gone a completely different route and didnt listen, and I didnt like it at all, I think I’d speak up.

Post # 20
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

An engagement ring is a gift. A man is not required to give you an engagement ring in order to marry you.  Your Fiance chose to give you the gift of an engagement ring.  He decided how he wanted to spend his money on his gift for you.  Those people who are telling you it is a reg flag because he didn’t give you the ring you suggested but he didn’t like therefore didn’t spend his money on it are meddling, IMO.  If you tell him you feel he is wrong because he did not buy the ering you wanted and instead purchased what he and you both feel are a thoughtful and romantic ering as the gift for you, his friends may tell him your reaction towards his gift is a red flag for him. Please don’t allow other people to meddle in your relationship.  

ETA:  You mentioned that you feel the ring he selected is in fact beautiful.  Be thankful he has good taste.  I don’t think it is wise to get stuck on the fact that it isn’t a halo ring.  Are all rings that are not halo rings ugly?  Absolutely not!

Post # 21
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He probably didn’t realize how important that particular style was to you. If I was buying a ring, I probably wouldn’t buy a style that I hated either. I’m sorry you’re disappointed that you don’t have your perfect ring, but I think you should try to move on. It sounds like your ring is beautiful, and it’s not worth hurting his feelings over.

 

Maybe you can get a nice halo gemstone ring for your right-hand to satisfy your halo cravings? Or halo earrings?

Post # 22
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Will you post a picture of the ring so I can see exactly what you are describing?

Post # 23
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Would either of these types of styles be a compromise?  If it is affordable?

Post # 24
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Also I want to second those who said that he may not have realized that he was totally disregarding your wishes.  Also depending on how much you talked about it, maybe he didn’t realize how much you wanted the halo style.

Post # 25
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In the message I specifically said “I like the style with one big diamond in the middle surrounded by little diamonds. Diamonds down the band of the ring are a nice touch too, but i suppose not crucial necessarily.”

 

Yes you sent a picture of a halo… but this is the description you gave him. And you know what? The ring he got you seems to also fit that description. A larger center stone surrounded by two smaller stones.

So maybe he saw the picture, saw the description, and thought that he had found the perfect compromise that you both would love.

Post # 26
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Some guys are pretty dense about this stuff, but it sounds like his heart was in the right place!

 

FWIW, I LOVE LOVE three-stone rings much more than halos.

Post # 27
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Could you compromise and find a ring you both love? It seems to me that he put a lot of thought in it, like others have mentioned, but I still agree that it’s your ring and you should love it when you’re going to wear it for a very long time. Maybe adding a halo to the ring you have now, would that work?

Post # 28
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I used to love halos more than any other setting, but then other settings started to grow on me. Now I’m also quite fond of 3 stone rings. Maybe the same thing will happen to you.

Post # 29
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I only skimmed the other responses so I think I’m in the minority. . But I think you should get over it.  An engagement ring is a symbol of his love and committment to you. It should reflect his style.  Although you preferred a halo, he bought you what sounds like a beautiful and expensive ring that should remind you of him and make you smile.  Make your other jewelry reflect you more.  Make this engagement ring reflect your relationship and committment together. The obstacles you have overcame, your current present full of promise, and your future with a home and kids or whatever.  Be grateful. 

And as far as it being a red flag, tell people that it is the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard. And maybe you should stop complaining about your ring so much to stop hearing those responses.  You and your Fiance will disagree on a lot more things than just a ring.  You’ll have to work together to work things out.  Realize when to pick your battles. A beautiful, expensive engagement ring you like should not be one.

Post # 30
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you like the ring, why not try to compromise with wedding bands? Two custom made bands can look like a halo on a three-stone ring. It means you wait til the wedding to get what you want, but at least you get close.

I would leave it be.  You say you like your ring.  Let it grow on you for a while. I liked halo rings, Fiance didn’t, I got a three stone ring (the type of ring I swore I’d never want).  I love it anyway, because he picked it out and had it made special for me.  It just took a couple days to get over not getting what I’d always wanted.  But isn’t that marriage? Compromise?  Agreeing to sometimes not getting what you want, because now you’re in this with another person who might want something different? 

Try to see the meaning behind the ring rather than the ring itself.  There’s nothing saying this is the ring you have forever. Lots of people upgrade, change, etc. My best friend’s mom has five or six wedding sets that she wears interchangeably- a couple from her husband, a couple passed down from family members.  The ring itself isn’t what’s important to them, they know they’re married no matter what she’s got on her finger. 

Post # 31
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree that from the description, the ring he got you does kind of fit, and it could be a case of crossed-wires rather than him deliberately ignoring what you wanted.

But, if he did deliberately ignore what you wanted, then that would bother me. I love the fact that my OH got me exactly the ring I wanted, because it’s just me, and the fact he listened to what I wanted (his brother wanted him to get me a solitaire, and I’m realy not a fan and would have been disappointed). Every time I look at it, I love it a bit more, and I’m really happy with it; I think if I had anything else I’d be thinking ‘yes it’s lovely, but…’ I know that maybe that sounds awful, but I can’t help it; I’m not at all materialistic and my ring wasn’t expensive, but it DID matter to me that it was a reflection of my personality and that my OH had chosen it knowing it was what I wanted.

That said, I don’t know what talking to him again will achieve, so if you like it, maybe you should just try to learn to love it, and perhaps get a halo ring later on to wear on your other hand.

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