(Closed) Engagement ring issues

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If my Fiance reacted the way yours has, I’d be concerned about his ability to communicate and see my POV on important decisions.

Regardless, I agree with PP. Get a beautiful wedding band that you absolutely love and can stand on its own. Wear your ering on your right hand, or stop wearing it completely.

Post # 18
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

View original reply
@blingbling:  I’m sorry but life isnt going to always give you what you want, and if I had been presented with an heirloom instead of the ring I have I would have cherished it. Family matters more than any piece of metal and rock. Being given an heriloom is an honor and an amazing gesture. I’ve seen a lot of heirloom diamonds that are far better than the crap they sell in stores these days. Box chains sell crap, sorry to say. The diamond trade is also the biggest farce in creation. When you die that rock wont miss you, if you’re lucky and a good human others will love you and miss you. So think about that when you wear your ring, this is not about a lifetime of disapointment its about heritage. This is a very delicate subject in families.

Post # 19
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@Briarroselex:  Have you considered an heirloom wedidng band to go with it? The diamonds may match better.

Post # 20
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I just wanted to mention that warmer diamonds are common in antique jewelry. There are people who specifically buy diamonds past J/K color to get that warmth. My future ring was picked out by both of us, so I understand wanting what you want, but do you think you can learn to love the ring? I personally think the history behind it is very, very cool. I’m sorry your Fiance had such a bad reaction, though.

 

Post # 21
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Briarroselex:  I agree with fellow PPs about getting gorgeous stand alone wedding ring. 

If you have to go for a stoneless option, there are some breathtaking rings out there.

 

Post # 22
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sweetie! I’m sorry to hear your Fiance is not opened-minded. I personally liked your compromise idea! I don’t think it’s an issue of him caring so much about the ring, since you said he thinks jewelery is shallow. It’s an ego thing. Men have it in their heads that they dominate when, where and with which ring they will propose. And then they expect that the woman should keep her mouth shut and wear a ring they may simply not like, on their hand, everyday of the rest of their lives, so as to maintain their ego intact. I absolutely don’t agree with this one-sided dominance. (So much that I proposed to my man, with a ring for HIM, which I told him he could exchange if he didn’t like it!!! He loved it, haha!) 

I encourage you to bring it up again and explain that this is not near your dream ring. Ask him to respect that this is important to you. Stroke his ego by saying you want this ring to be gorgeous, and to happily remind you of your commitment together with him. (it’s not like he picked it at a store among hundreds of choices, it was a one-option heirloom)

Anyway, I’m on team happy-bride-to-be and wish women were more empowered through the engagement process. 

Post # 23
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh…I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I was in a very similar situation before. I always want a princess cut diamond and I like bigger stone (I am very tall, big hand, small ring doesn’t look good on me). My Fiance is a very down-to-earth kind of guy, and he thinks it’s crazy to spend so much money on jewelry but I happen to love love jewelry. so much so that I start collecting cheap jewelry and pick shiny stone from the street since I was little.

So one day, he asked me a question on the phone (i was traveling for business)” if a guy wants to propose to a girl, and he has a family stone, but much smaller and not the type she likes, what would you do”. I got the idea immidiately. When his parents engaged, his father was a poor medical student and only able to afford a <0.5 carets  round diamond in yellow gold, then upgrade the diamond to 1 carets later. So she offered to give me the 0.5 carets ring. i simply said no, “if it was me, I won’t be happy with a style that isn’t me”. He was fine with that then we went shopping together and got my dream ring.

However, thinking back, I wish I said something different. Even though his feeling isn’t hurt (he knows jewelry is important to me) but I feel his mother’s feeling is hurt. For your case, I recommend to just wear the family ring and find a wedding band you like. Then a couple years later, start the discussion of upgrade with him.

Post # 24
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds like looking at engagement rings “for fun” isn’t fun at all for you… I would suggest you avoid doing that again so you can grow to be satisfied with what you have.

Focus on another aspect of your appearance instead. Maybe it’s time to try out a brand new hairstyle? Though you may want to wait until after the wedding for a dramatic haircut.

Post # 27
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry to say this but your Fiance is acting like a manipulative jerk. 

Post # 29
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@Briarroselex:  “He’s now posting comments on Facebook about how he wasn’t meant for this cruel world. I can’t…”
Seriously? How old is this guy? He is acting really immature. I’d be very concerned about how he is handling this! You have to wear this ring on your finger for the rest of your life. You were not wrong to speak up (politely) if you weren’t happy with it. He should respect that and be willing to compromise with you. What is really the deal here? Is he that emotionally attached to the ring, or is he being cheap, or…?

Post # 30
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
@chouette:  can you post where the third ring (bezel set sapphires) is from? I’m a little obsessed with it now.

Post # 31
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Briarroselex:   If you aren’t completely in love with the heirloom ring I would definitely tell him.  It’ll be a difficult and emotional conversation but he needs to know.  Ultimately I think all he wants is for you to be happy and for the ring to be something you love and admire as a token of his commitment and affection for you.

If he’s unwilling to pick out another engagement ring with you then I would get a jewelled wedding band and only wear that, as others have suggested.  You can always keep the heirloom ring in a safe place to be passed down to your children.  

If you don’t like the style then I would not feel obligated to wear it.

 

 

 

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