(Closed) Engagement ring issues

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Um.  Suck it up?  There’s probably a few very good reasons he proposed with his grandmother’s ring.

Honestly, my spouse gave me an heirloom diamond – absolutely not what I wanted/thought I’d have (I don’t like diamonds, and it’s quite large).  Upon inspection, we found that it has an inclusion.  It belonged to a grandmother, though, and my spouse is the only grandchild.  It makes his family happy, and I don’t care enough about it to make a fuss and cause a rift.

If it’s too hard to match the diamond, get a wedding band with no sparkles.  It’ll be more budget friendly anyway.

Post # 63
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Briarroselex:  I’m calling flag on the play. 

There is no reason on earth why any man older than 16 should go on Facebook and post statuses about how he’s not meant for this cruel world because his fiancée isn’t stoked about the diamond in her engagement ring.  That sounds like a damn suicidal threat, and you don’t even have to squint to see it that way.  This is really manipulative behaviour — so is the not speaking, and so is the routine about how you’re not good enough for the ring.  Honey, this is the kind of behaviour that can and will only get worse with marriage.  If your fights are often like this, with him taking his wounded self to the court of public opinion with some dramatics and casual cruelty, and then waiting for you to humble yourself and apologise and beg him not to be so upset, this is not a pattern that is going to improve.

Yes, it might have been a bad idea to criticise the diamond.  But this is so not proportionate response, here.  You are not worth less than an heirloom ring.  You are, in fact, a person that your Fiance claims to love, and as such, he shouldn’t treat you this way over a damn difference in opinion over the colour of an heirloom diamond.  If he keeps this up, and keeps saying you aren’t worth the ring, honey, take him up on it and walk.  If this is an isolated incident, then do as you think is best.  Maybe he was very close to his great-grandmother, maybe there’s some family significance to the ring.  But if this is a pattern, and he keeps pulling the drama llama bullshit, turn that flag into a foul and get off the field.  

Post # 64
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@mistress_anne:  This.  Hear you.  Same sentiments as per my post above.  These valid threads are real (shit, let’s get it out on the table!) and are all about valuation and self-esteem.  Do.Not.Settle.  LADIES: he is attempting to “get” you for life.  What does that statement mean?  That means the mother of his children; his ‘nurse’ when his crybaby ass is sick with the flu; the breadwinner when he gets laid off or incurs a disability.  How about in WWII when housewives took their kids into the aircraft/bomb assembly line while their men were at war??  We women turn the tides.  Always has been; always will be.  Period.  This shit where women must be/feel reduced to feeling “blessed” that they were proposed to needs to stop.

Military family here; respect my elders and honorable, loving men in my family, but I’ll be damned if I read another post where I hear about one of our kindred “feels humbled” and “should accept” someone else’s valuation.  Damnit

/off soapbox

Post # 65
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@sweetpotata:  for real though!! there are too many people who are in terrible situations like these and don’t have enough wherewithal to do some self-reflection and speak up for what they want and deserve in life, and out of a relationship. Relationships/ marriages last when 2 people are devoted to mature, and open communication and listening, all the time.. no matter what the issue!

 

Post # 67
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Briarroselex:  “my fi is immature and can be very hurtful but I love him very much. … I didn’t mean to hurt him I don’t care about the ring anymore. The engagement/wedding ring is not something I’m excited about any longer but everything will be ok, it’s just rings. I wish I could disappear for a while.”

Echoing everyone else… MUCH of what he’s saying to you and making you feel is classic emotional abuse. Okay, he was hurt. But he reacted poorly is the problem. If he reacts poorly frequently, or even just occasionally, in abusive ways, that is still abuse. You did not cause this. HE caused this. I had an ex who would also “react poorly” to thing. Guess what? He was an abusive jerk. I didn’t realize it until my self-worth had been totally destroyed, and I didn’t really realize it until I was in a relationship with my now-husband and asked him why he was so nice to me all the time even when I was making him really mad. It was because he isn’t abusive. So he doesn’t try to make me feel bad even if I did something that inadvertently made him feel bad. Seriously. That shit is both immature and abusive and now that I know better I would never tolerate it in a relationship. And posting on facebook about it? No.

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@sweetpotata:  I heart your comment.

Post # 68
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@Briarroselex:  He might still come around once the dust has settled.

I wasn’t fond of the ring my fiance proposed with for several valid reasons, including 1) style 2) cost vs quality (it was a mall ring) and 3) lack of customer service at the mall shop

Even one of those reasons is a valid concern for replacing the ring.  You are both mature adults in a committed relationship and in my opinion you should love the ring that symbolizes your love and commitment.

When I first told my fiance I’d like to replace my original ring he was very upset.  He saved up for it and picked it out himself and wanted it to be special and was crushed that I didn’t like it.  A few days later though he came around and said he just wants me to be happy and love the ring.  We found a loose diamond of quality much superior to the original stone plus a setting that’s unique and perfect for me.

Maybe give him a bit more time before buying a wedding band to match the ring you don’t like.  You know your Fiance better than any of us so I’d just pick an appropriate time to talk about it again if he doesn’t bring it up

 

 

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