Post # 1
I think I’m way overthinking this but still want some outside opinions.
When I was engaged previously, I had a 1 carat oval in a halo setting. I’ve always loved halos and had wanted an oval for a long time. My ex asked what kind of ring I wanted and he didn’t disappoint. When we broke up I gave him the ring back.
Last year when my now husband and I were talking about rings, he knew I still loved ovals in halos, but he said he didn’t want to get me the same ring my ex did. I understood his point of view, but was still a little bummed. We went shopping together, and I liked cushion cuts, so that’s what he got me.
My ring is very thin and is bent out of round, despite not wearing it a lot. I cannot wear it to work, and when I did wear it, I babied it a lot. My husband got the ring from Costco, and believe it or not, they are giving us a complete refund.
Now that we have a house, I’m thinking we should spend less on my new ring and put that money toward the house instead. I told my husband we should get a moissanite instead and showed him all the posts on moissanite here. He also noticed that I showed him a lot of pictures of oval rings. I told him that the oval in a halo will still my favorite style and always will be. I also completely still understand him not wanting me to get the same style my ex got me.
He said it is completely up to me. He also said he wants to get me a diamond, not a moissanite.
So I feel completely guilty wanting a style exactly like I had before. He said it’s just a ring (but sometimes I don’t think men understand that this is *the* ring) and if that’s what I like then go for it. But I still feel kind of jerky.
What would you do?
Post # 2
redmango : From what you put in your post, it sounds like your husband is happy, confident, and secure both in your marriage and in your love for him. If he says it’s completely up to you with regard to the style of ring, I think that says he has changed his mind from your previous/earlier conversations regarding ring style.
Also, even if your ring is the same style as the one you had from your ex, your relationship with your husband is completely different. He’s your husband … you guys have a house together … you are planning your future together. Your ex is just that … an ex. And my guess is that he’s your ex for a good reason. It sounds like you and your husband have a great relationship where you can talk openly about things. As long as it really won’t bother your husband, I think you should have your favorite ring style without feeling guilty. As you said, for you this is *the* ring, just like your husband is *the* man for you! And the oval halo doesn’t have to have any special connection or meaning with regard to your previous relationship. It’s your favorite ring style, and that’s all it is.
Post # 3
I understand your conundrum, I thought my previous engagement ring was the absolute most amazing thing in the whole wide world ever but after months of trolling through Etsy I found something I liked even more. What about making the oval east-west setting or having it be yellow instead of white gold etc? There are ways you can change it up to make it different but still have an oval halo
Post # 4
It sounds like the oval halo is just your favorite style. It just so happens that one person already bought you that style and now another is offering to buy you that same style.
Post # 5
I completely understand how you feel. In kind of the same vein, I had planned my dream wedding with my ex, using my dream theme, venue, and many other things. They were details I had wanted and loved years before I even met my ex. When I got engaged again, I felt I couldn’t reuse the same ideas I loved, and felt I had to choose something completely different. After a few conversations with close friends, I realized that these previous choices had little to do with my relationship with my ex. They were simply things I liked, and my tastes had not changed. I was encouraged to not allow my prior relationship to control my happiness this time around, and allow it to lead me to choose things I didn’t like. “Don’t let him steal that from you!” While a ring is a bit different in regards to symbolism, it’s similar in that I didn’t want my current wedding to remind me of my ex. I wanted it to be representative of my current relationship, and I felt like I wasn’t being fair to my current SO. But after some thought, I realized that I didn’t have to allow it to be that way. It took a little time, but now I am in a place now where I’m not allowing my previous relationship to affect these decisions now. And you know what? When I think of my venue and color scheme I think of my husband, not my ex. My mind has rewired itself to think of my lovely upcoming wedding and only relate it to him.
There’s no right or wrong answer here, I just think that if this ring is so special to you after all this time, perhaps work towards creating a new meaning for it. It doesn’t have to reflect your ex. In a way, by choosing something else with that in mind, you are still allowing that relationship to effect your present. With good intentions, of course, but you can most definitely take what you love and tie it in with your current marriage. You wouldn’t be doing anything wrong, although I understand what you’re talking about. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about this with my ring, as my husband surprised me with something different (although my tastes in this area didn’t change too much either, lol!). But I do get where you are coming from.
Post # 6
You loved ovals before your ex. So it’s not like your ex got you some super rare unique ring that you love because it reminds you of him…you simply love ovals with halos because they are prettiest to you. I say go for it! Perhaps change the metal color or whether the band has diamonds if you don’t want it to look exactly the same?
Post # 7
You can’t help what you like. Taste in jewelry doesn’t change just because you’re in a new relationship, so there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I knew I wanted a ring that was completely different from the one my ex got me as well, but that was only because I wasn’t crazy about it to begin with. I mean it was pretty and all, bit it just wasn’t “me.”
Post # 8
I wouldn’t have given any details about my ex to begin with. But hindsight is always 20/20.
I don’t think it matters what the ring looked like from the first time. Jewelry has nothing to do with the person who gave it to you. It’s an inanimate object. What matters is how you feel about the person who gave it to you. Tell your FH that all that matters is your love for each other
Post # 9
I echo the other bee that said change the metal, and either add or remove pavé from the band to make it different and special.
Knife edge plain band in yellow gold with a halo? This time get a platinum pave band with oval halo. There are SO many unique settings out there there’s no reason you can’t get something completely different. Why not explore and see what you can tweak to be perfect and different?
Post # 10
I think people can love many ring styles and tastes can change over time, but it also can be true that we just tend to love a certain ring style.
Although I originally started out loving pear diamonds, by the time I finally met and became engaged to my first Fiance when I was 29, I had fallen in love with a round brilliant diamond with tapered baguette sidestones.
After I ended that relationship due to religious reasons, it was 16 years before I met and became engaged to my Darling Husband, and I found myself choosing another round diamond with tapered baguettes. The rings are different specs, and the first was set in yellow gold and the one I have now is set in platinum, but I clearly have a strong attraction to this style of ring.
I think if your husband doesn’t prefer — but is not opposed to your choosing an oval halo this time — I would get the style that you truly want, an oval halo. And, if you’re not opposed to choosing a diamond, since it is his preference, then I would choose a diamond instead of the moissanite.
Post # 11
Oval halos don’t all look the same! There’s plenty of designs that could make your new ring very different from your old ring despite still being an oval halo. You could do a double halo, a split shank, fancy detailing on the band, or milgrain, etc.. so if an oval halo is what you love then that’s what you should get!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
Get a bigger one ;). Your husband sounds reasonable and if it’s really important to you it should be important to him.
Post # 13
Who cares. You like what you like. As long as it’s not exactly like your previous ring, it shouldn’t matter.
Post # 14
He said get what you want so get what you want! At the end of the day a ring is just a symbol of the commitment and is really not that important. AND it would not be the same ring your ex gave you just a similar style… YOUR style. I do think getting Moissanite would be a plus if you don’t care for a diamond because it is beautiful, lasting , Much cheaper gem and will be another difference from the one your ex got you.
Post # 15
sharkey38 : I agree go bigger and get Moissanite maybe even a slightly different setting that way you still get the style and look you want but have a noticeably different ring. Problem solved