(Closed) Engagement RING Presentation…broke my heart

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think you’re overreacting.  What’s important to you, marrying this man or getting a good ring story?  It’s not even the actual proposal…

Post # 4
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry that you weren’t happy with his proposal- but he’s a guy, and many guys struggle with how/why to do an elaborate proposal. If you’re miserable planning your wedding, and all you were excited about was how fancy he’d get while putting a diamond on your finger, perhaps a wedding isn’t right for you right now? Not trying to be mean, I’m just saying… weddings are full of stress, but MARRIAGE is full of even more stress! I’m about two months out, and there have been some days where I want to run away and elope, but I lean on my fiance to work through whatever the issue is. I’m so excited to marry him, he honestly could have asked me anywhere/any way and it would have been authentic to him and his personality- which is why I want to spend my life with HIM. Again- I am not trying to downplay your relationship or why you’re getting married. Could you elaborate a little on why wedding planning has been so terrible for you up to this point?

Post # 5
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

@divadowell:  I know you’re upset now, but not everything in life is perfect! You have a man that loves you and bought you what I’m sure is a beautiful ring. Talk to him and tell him why you’re upset. You’re so lucky to have a man even willing to take that step, so many of us don’t have that. 

Post # 6
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is what happens because there is so much hype surrounding the proposal – in media… on boards like these.  Women get the idea that it has to be some over the top fanfare.  It just isn’t realistic or something that happens in the majority of cases, I think.  I hate that for couples.  it turns what SHOULD be the focus of initiating plans to commit to spend the rest of your life together into some hollywood driven keepin up with the Joneses.

MOST proposals include a question “will you marry me”.  MOST might not have a ring.  VERY few include all the fanfare that you hear about.

 

I’m sorry the proposal didn’t meet your expectations.   It sucks to want something from someone else and have them not meet your expectations.

You are clearly marrying a guy who doesn’t buy into the hype.  So – now you know.  If you want the hype for the rest of your marriage YOU will have to create it.  He won’t know to get you *specific* gifts for each anniversary, he won’t know to get you a push present when you have a baby.  He may be the type of guy who is *just* about the comittment and the spending the rest of his life with you.  Think about if that is good enough for you.

Post # 7
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t understand the crazy emphasis on proposals.  Why would you even consider calling off the wedding because of the way he gave you the ring?  If you’re being serious then I think you need to consider whether or not you’re actually ready to marry this man. 

Post # 8
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

By all means, if this is something that you feel is worth breaking up over then I think you should tell him to redo it. But life isn’t perfect and some men just aren’t great at the big romantic gestures. If that’s something that is a dealbreaker for you, then it really is best to end it now. People rarely change. But also be prepared for him to be upset and question his decision to propose if you give the ring back and tell them that he didn’t do a good enough job. 

Post # 9
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@divadowell:  Ouch.  Talk about anti-climactic.

Especially in the day and age of the over-the-top proposals we can watch on youtube, and all the ideas on pintrest, it’s hard to have your man open a shipping box and just stick a ring on your finger.

Although this may not make you feel any better, a lot of women don’t have big proposals.

And you could try to see his on-the-spot presentation as excitement.  Maybe he was too excited to wait?  If your wedding date is correct, then your wedding is coming right up (congrats!), so maybe he was worried that you wanted to start sporting your ring ASAP.  There are dozens of reasons why he may have not planned a big proposal.  But none of them are “He doesn’t love you as much as the guy who gets down on one knee in the middle of a crowded town square while on vacation in Europe.” 

Your feelings are valid, and you have a right to be disappointed.  I’m just trying to point out that you’ve still got a good man, even though he flubbed this up.  (Sometimes I like that reminder.  Especially when wedding planning stress had me on the verge of tears every other day.)

Post # 10
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You said that he proposed before. Did you make it clear to him that you were expecting another proposal when you got the ring? If not, it seems unfair to be upset with him. Do you think this is something you can get past or will it bother you? If it’s the latter, why don’t you tell him about your expectations and ask if you can have a re-do. 

Post # 11
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorr you were disappointed. How did he ask you the first time?  I tend to assume that when a man proposes without a ring, the first proposal is the “real” thing and you guys pick the ring out together and he is not proposing again, you are just getting the ring.  

What’s important is that you will be spending the rest of your life with the man you love, not how he proposed.  My parents are foggy on the details of their engagement 35 years later anyways! They always argue about how it happened.  SO, even though you think it’s something you’ll never forget – you will! 😉

Post # 12
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t understand – I thought he already proposed?

You wanted a second proposal to ‘present’ the ring?

I think you are over-reacting!

Post # 13
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is a good man, who loves you and wants to marry you, and who bought you a beautiful ring to symbolize his love.  Think about that for a moment…how could that not bring a smile to your face?  🙂  It is the meaning behind the ring, the LOVE behind it, that is the important part.  Just my two cents!

Post # 14
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am with him…. what’s the big deal? You are already engaged.

Post # 15
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m honestly confused as to why you’re so upset. He had already proposed, hadn’t he? So why did it matter how he gave you the ring? 

I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but I think you’re overreacting. 

Post # 16
Member
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@AlwaysSunny:  +1

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