(Closed) Engagement Ring Problem, Need Serious Help

posted 6 years ago in Rings
  • poll: In Your Opinion What Should Be Done?
    Go with what she wants: Keep the diamonds from her ex and place in a new setting : (55 votes)
    33 %
    Go with what I want: Buy a smaller ring, but all of it being from me : (92 votes)
    55 %
    Other: Specify in post : (19 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4893 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Have you considered setting the diamonds in a new band for now, and upgrading later, when you have the money? It seems like a realistic compromise. 

    You could also look at more affordable colorless alternatives, such as Moissy, white sapphires, or white topaz. You could still upgrade later if you wish too. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4893 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Then definitely look into alternatives. I have a Moissanite stone, and it’s gorgeous! 

    Moissaniteco.com and betterthandiamond.com are two really popular sites to purchase from. Do a little research on your own first and then ask your Girlfriend to see what she thinks about it. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee

     

    I would do anything to get her a ring that’s not from her ex (even if that means getting a line of credit or whatever). 

    Or get a centre stone that’s from you and use other diamons if she wishes. From what I read on top, I think she certainly wants to hang on to all the diamons. By now, she probably does not have any sentiments. So I would go ahead and let her keep those diamons if she wants to but I will still get the main diamond myself. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Diamonds are thousands of years old. They were here before the ex and they’ll be here after too. It’s not their fault he was a git!

    If you sell stones to a store they could reset them and someone could buy them not knowing their history. I think they only have as much connection to people as you let them. They were a gift from him but they were also a gift TO her. I have a teddy from an ex thats about three feet tall. It’s MY giant bear not his. My fiance doesn’t think of it as anything other than my inoffensive giant polar bear. 

    You’re marrying her now, she chose you, that’s what matters. If it’s a pride thing then get them set in a necklace, get a tempoarary ring and buy her a huge diamond bigger than his combined when you’re a doctor. 

    Think of it this way, the git could save you a packet on jewelry and you still get the girl. Win win

    Post # 9
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Incidently my grandmother kept her actual wedding ring from her first marraige and used it to marry my grandad. They couldn’t afford two new gold rings and she had a 22ct one already. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3082 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I disagree with the people saying to get moissy. It sounds like this girl wants a diamond engagement ring and probably wouldn’t be happy with mOisyy. It’s not for everyone. I wouldn’t be happy if I wanted a diamond engagement ring and my fiancé got me something else. Whatever else it was. 

     

    Could you see if you can trade them in or something at the jewelry store? So they aren’t specifically the stones from her ex. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4893 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    @FoxyBride14:  Don’t forget, some people don’t know that Moissy exists. They have been fed by the jewelry industry that diamond is “the only way”. Before I started looking on my own, I didn’t even know that there were other white/colorless stones besides diamond. She may not know that there are other options, and just assume that diamond is all there is. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think its reasonable to get her something else. I would get her the ring you can afford now and tell her you will upgrade it later. Or tell her if she wants a big fancy ring then she is going to have to wait while you save up for it. Or see if you can trade in the ring from her ex towards a ring you choose.

    Post # 13
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Don’t use the diamonds, like pp said try to resell or trade in, a diamond from an exes ring is bad juju, especially if you are uncomfortable. My SO still has his exFI engagement ring and Jared willbuy it back, he knows I will not use her diamonds and further more I don’t even want a diamond. Its not all about the ring but I wouldn’t feel right about wearing any diamonds from an ex or having an exs diamonds, they are in the past and any part of them should “go down with the ship”.  Good luck and check out the moissy it’s very pretty!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Have you talked to a jeweler about this? I would take the old ring in and speak with a jeweler, hopefully the shop owner, about tradeing the diamonds for similar stones in a different shape maybe which would have no connection to her first marriage. Of course let your Fiance know before you actually trade them in. Even if you have to pay a bit more for the new stone, I think it would be worth it. As fa as I know, diamonds hold their value differently as loose stones as opposed to a ring.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3227 posts
    Sugar bee

    @3232_eddie:  I say forget about that ring and get a new one even of you can only afford a band right now ( not that I’m assuming you can’t afford a nice ring- not sure what your budget is). I was married once before and at first the thought of using my old center stone sounded like a good idea to save money at the time that idea went out the window. I could tell my husband was uncomfortable with it so we got a whole new ring and I’m glad we did. She needs to respect your feelings about this. I’m not superstitious really but I can see how this situation can be awkward and it’s just better to start over in all aspects including the ring. Just my opinion. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would ask her to trade them in. I understand she likes diamonds, but your feelings are at stake here! I’m not superstitious about diamonds but if it bothers you she shouldn’t wear a ring that will make you feel bad all the time. Maybe you can get a plain gold/white gold setting or a setting with moissanite. For the center stone I would trade in her ring and buy what you can afford for now, and trade up later when you’re making the big bucks as a doctor. I understand she may what diamonds but maybe she will be open to another option?

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