(Closed) Engagement Ring Problems

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

That’s a tough situation ๐Ÿ™ I’m not sure what I would do, as I also would feel sad about upsetting my fiance. Definitely take time to reassure him that the issue is TOTALLY not that he couldn’t get you the diamond you wanted (sounds like he did an amazing job!), but more that you just want to make sure that he hasn’t been ripped off, told one thing and paid for one thing, but then received another etc. Make it really clear that youre looking out for him and it has nothing to do with him not being able to get you the ring of your dreams.

My mom has a pear shaped engagement ring. Its over 2 carats but it also has an inclusion. The situation is a little different because she picked it out herself (like back in the 70s lol) but she does always say that she will always know her own diamond because of the inclusion ๐Ÿ™‚ I think she loves it partly because of the inclusion. Maybe you will grow to love it? I’m not sure how visible it is (you kind of have to tilt my mom’s ring around to find it…but its definitely visible), but perhaps it could be an endearing and defining characteristic of your stone?

I would however be concerned that the jeweler told you it was an si2 and it sounds like its an I1. If you can address that without hurting your fiance, I would. Have you had it appraised?

Post # 5
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If the diamond you received was sold to you under false pretenses or grading, you need to return it. You didn’t pay for an I1, you paid for an SI2. Regardless of the slight difference, you deserve to get what you paid for.

If you do decide to return this stone, and get a different stone, please keep in mind that SI2s can still have inclusions visible to the naked eye. If you go up a bit in clarity, you can compromise some on the color. But if you want a colorless stone, and one that is eye clean, it’s going to cost alot more.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I do think it is a beautiful ring. I can’t see any obvious inclusions, but I’m really not any good at picking them out to begin with. I was definitely not born to be a jeweler.

Post # 6
2790 posts
Sugar bee

First world problems I guess. Sorry your so unhappy with your ring. I know a lot of ladies would die to have something so beautiful. I hope you can find it within you to accept that your diamond is your diamond or that your Fiance doesn’t go broke upgrading it again.

Post # 8
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

All I can say is this…

1) I think your ring is just stunning

2) I think the intense need for the ring to be perfect goes away after about week 3. I mean – maybe it won’t for you. Everyone is different. This is my story…

I always told my Fiance the most important thing was that the ring be from him. I didn’t want to pick it out. So at the core of the issue – I’ve never been well versed in diamonds. I don’t really even know what an inclusion is exactly. I felt like the point is to put something sparkly and enduring on my finger to show I’m taken. Not too picky. Round diamond, white gold, maybe throw in some side stones.

If you can’t relate to my attitude before I got the ring, I suppose you might not relate to my attitude now that I’ve had it a few months.

Now… I love my ring about as much as I can love an inanimate object. It’s perfect and beautiful and the best ring in the world even though there are thousands exactly like it since it’s from Zales. Mine’s the best!! ๐Ÿ™‚

When it was new… Well of course the first few days it was the best thing ever! But upon closer inspection and getting it appraised, I learned it’s not the best quality diamond. It’s a bit yellow. (I-J color) Most of the time it’s not noticeable, but with some lighting it really is to me. It doesn’t have the best clarity either. (I2) If inclusions are little itty bitty dark spots that don’t seem to belong – I think it’s got 2 of those. Again something you’d only notice if you stare at it as intensely as I do.

So for a little while there I was freaking out. I felt dissatisfied with the ring. I felt horribly horribly guilty for being dissatisfied with the ring. I felt like Fiance didn’t put enough effort into picking the ring. I felt horribly horribly guilty for thinking that when I had told him all that mattered was that it was from him. Now I’m gonna tell him it’s not good enough? It was so so stressful having all these crazy thoughts.

And then I wore it for a while. And I wore it a while longer. And longer than that. And then it stopped being this foreign thing on my hand that was supposed to be just-so and perfect. It became my ring. My ring from the man I love more than I ever knew I could love anyone. And it’s sparkly and it’s forever and it’s mine. From him. And all those crazy thoughts went right out the window.

I love it even more now that I’ve had it properly resized. (FI was so close – just a 1/4 size too big) And now it just fits like a glove. It’s part of me.
I just couldn’t be happier.
I hope you can get to that place too

(edited to correct diamond stats)

Post # 9
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Your attitude may come to be like those of the previous posters. I’m not sure mine would though. My first diamond ring was “eye clean” meaning you could not see any dark carbon spots or white feathers with the naked eye. It had to be magnified. And in fact I liked that it had a white feather under magnification because after I had my ring worked on I could put it under their scope and make sure I got MY diamond back…kind of like a diamond fingerprint. I could ID My diamond. It was a nice eye clean SI1-SI2 diamond one carat. I think for what we paid for it I would have always noticed if there had been dark spots. In fact a local jeweler I trust recently called for my then fiance to look at a diamond he’d just got in. He knew we wanted a one carat eye clean stone. It was eye clean but under the scope it had a black carbon spot right on top. I knew as pretty as it was that for me where that black spot was placed would always bother me…had it been way down in the stone or able to be hidden under a prong..maybe I’d have been okay with it. And it was only noticeable under the microscope. I guess it’s because my first ring had had such a nice stone. I don’t mind white feathers but black carbone just really bothers me if I can see it with the naked eye, or depending where it is in the diamond.

Having said that I also have a three ring diamond ring that I have no idea of the quality of the stones because they are smallish…main diamond being .43 and the two others graduated down from that, then channel set side stones. It still sparkles like crazy and I think it is gorgeous. Probably they are I1 stones…not sure. I have always loved that ring though.

If you think it will continue to bother you: Do something about it. YOU have to wear it and love it. For me I’d rather have had the less white stone that was more eye clear. But I don’t mind a slight warmth in a diamond. I think 100 years ago there were lots more color seen in diamonds and they were still beautiful. Now we all think we have to have a D-G graded stone.

Post # 10
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Gonna be blunt, I think you need to get over it. Your Fiance spent a ton of $$ on that ring and doesn’t deserve to feel bad about it. You have a beautiful ring – I don’t see any really noticeable flaws, but I don’t know anyone whose ring is perfect. Crying about it seems really extreme…is that how you want your Fiance to remember your engagement, by you crying and being miserable because your ring he spent over 5k on wasn’t perfect? You’ll both be much happier if you let this one go.

Post # 15
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Send it back and keep looking.  You might have to go for a smaller stone but it will be the color and clarity that you are looking for which from the way it sounds is important to you.  I think you know your man and if he truely wants you to be happy he will keep searching until you get the stone you like.  I know my guy would rather me look everywhere for the one than settle just so I didn’t hurt his feelings. 

Post # 16
10 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know the store is far away, but I think you should go there with your fiancé and look at some more diamonds (under a scope as well). This doesn’t mean you have to change the stone, just shop. Every stone has its downfalls and you need to view a variety of diamonds in your price range and decide what is important to you. I looked through a dozen different combinations of carat, color, and clarity. The shop I went to won’t sell a cut that isn’t rated ideal, so I had no choice (not that I minded). In the end I sacrificed a little carat for color and clarity. Everyone has her own preference and I couldn’t be happier with mind. Go shop and find what makes you happy even if it is the diamond you already have!


On a side note: Your opinion is the most important one, but from my personal experience going with a slightly smaller diamond and higher color and clarity has made a world of a difference. I have received many compliments on my ring from complete strangers due to its sparkle. A cousin of mind was all about the carat size and didn’t value her cut, color, or clarity enough and it frankly just looks dull. Her (now husband) seemed puzzled that mine cost about the same as hers because the white color and sparkle overpowers her slight size difference. That being said, in this day and age people focus too much on size and not enough on quality. Don’t just go with society standards. Do what you are comfortable with.   

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