Engagement Ring Question

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
4534 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

asha100287 :  My engagement ring was not very expensive and it was a purposeful decision even though we could technically afford something more expensive. We preferred to put our money towards a house and securing our financial future with the aim  making it possible for me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for a few years. Our marriage and relationship is no less special because my ring was on the conservative side by way of cost. If anything when I look at it now even 6 years later, I still get immense joy from it and I love the fact that it represents where we were financially in our lives and it gives me satisfaction to know that our sacrifices and hard work as a team have paid off and we are financially in the position we wanted to be all those years ago. 

Get what you love and can afford now and enjoy the excitement that comes with officially starting the journey of life together. Ignore the jelly b*tches at work. That ring will always be a reminder of that time in your life. You will never be at that point again so enjoy it and in ten years you will look back with much surprise and love with how far you have come together.

Also a point I say on here often. A lot of my parents friends have become successful in their lives to the point they can drop lots of money on an ‘ upgraded’ ring but they haven’t and still wear their originals. I love sneaking a look at their rings. The style usually dictates what era they got married in and where they were in the beginning of their life together as a couple. I think it’s lovely to see that.

Upgrade if you want in the future but don’t do it because you feel the pressure by others that push the agenda that a ring should reflect your status in life or how much you are loved. Whatever ring you pick will be beautiful. 

The only thing I will say is that CZ can loose their sparkle over the years with wear  If you are looking for something a bit more long wearing maybe consider a hard gemstone like a sapphire or a sparkly clear stone like moissanite.

Congrats on the upcoming marriage xx

Post # 17
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

The only opinions that matter are yours and your fiance’s.

We didn’t get an e-ring at all to start with because I knew I wouldn’t wear anything with my wedding band. We decided to get a token ring after a couple of months so that I had something on my finger until the wedding, and bought a £40 solitaire amethyst from Pandora! Its pretty, its very ‘me’, and I’m happy we didn’t blow hundreds on something I didn’t need.

Do what works for YOU xx

Post # 18
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee

When my parents got engaged my dad bought my mom a gold signet ring with no stones in it by trading in some old jewelry his family had. She only wore it during the engagement and passed it off to me when I finished college. When they got married they each picked out a gold ring. There wasn’t any variety because they were going for what they could afford and what fit them in the store. As much as my mom wanted, they didn’t even get matching gold rings. They wore those rings every day for 25 years until my dad’s ring snapped in half (pretty crappy quality soviet era gold). For their 25 anniversary they both got themselves replacement wedding rings because they are now in another country and are doing well financially. In total their new “fancy” rings cost less than $900.

The cost of the rings or the wedding has nothing to do with the success of the marriage.

Post # 19
Member
45 posts
Newbee

jellybellynelly :  I see nothing “horrible” about what I wrote. I am only going to respond once to you because I didn’t join this forum to argue .

First of all there is no such thing as “horrible” advice , because “horrible” is just your opinion. I am sending nothing but love to these ladies when I respond. 

Second of all, no where on my post did I tell her to go into debt . I encouraged her to go with a CZ if she was happy and I also Told her she can finance a ring that was still AFFORDABLE.

third of all , I’ve seen plenty of advice which In my opinion negative but I don’t choose to point it out because there is no need for that kind of negativity here. If it’s not being addressed to you just move it along. We are here to uplift each other not bring each other down. 

Jellybellynelly it is people like you who cause all kinds of arguments on forums, and I for one do not choose to participate with you.

Post # 20
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“They also think that I am making it too easy for him and should wait until he can afford a nice ring.”

I find this advice troubling. Why should it be hard for him to be engaged to you? This kind of thinking has its roots in a world where a man is basically buying the woman with the price of a ring (and dowry), so the more he spends the more valuable he believes her to be. Thankfully, this no longer applies to the vast majority of marriages where the two partners consider themselves to be equals. If your co-workers like to make things difficult for their own spouses, that’s their problem. You don’t have to operate like that. Do what’s right for your relationship.

Post # 21
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My fiancé could have spent more on the ring but we decided on a 400€ maximum with me paying additional cost if I wanted something more expensive. We went to a local shop that specializes in antique jewellery and picked a gold ring with a 0.25c diamond for 300€. It’s pretty, it suits me and I love it. If somebody wants to spend more, it’s their business. If you don’t want or need a big expensive ring, then don’t get one. The whole “rule” about how much an ering should cost was made up by the diamond industry anyway.

Post # 22
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee

The only “deals” in jewelry are on the secondhand market. Idonoidont.com, loupetroop.com, diamondbistro.com all sell used jewelry. You can find some very top notch stuff on those sites. 

I would consider this option before I’d pick a cz which is going to scratch and look like hell after a year. I’m not a moissy fan, I think it’s way overpriced for what it is.

Post # 23
Member
393 posts
Helper bee

It has nothing to do with them whatsoever!! The ring doesn’t prove his love at all, it doesn’t make the marriage work it’s a symbol of love and commitment regardless of metal and stone!! A piece of wool would have the same symbol.

there’s too much pressure on men to prove their love with the biggest and best diamond and for us to expect it from them (from some people and media). Go with what suits yours and his needs now as that will be a memory.

im obsessed with etsy there’s so many rings on there 🙂

ignore your coworkers and happy ring hunting 🙂

Post # 24
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

asha100287 :  superjeweler has very pretty rings on their site. I am crushing bad on a garnet set in rose gold ring! $400. 

Post # 25
Member
967 posts
Busy bee

satxgirl :  Financing jewelry is horrid advice for many people. 

With that said my fiancé did finance mine because it was 12 months same as cash and he does pay $900 a month. It will be paid off before the 12 months end. He also could have paid for it out right. In a pinch, he does have the money in his savings. But might as well let it accrue interest and make payments on the ring.

Post # 26
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

Your engagement ring is between you and your future husband. If you would like a gemstone or a cz until you both get settled more into your careers, that’s for you to decide! 

I know that when marriage first came up as a topic in my relationship, which was a lot sooner than a year and a half – we just reached a year and a half – I said that I wanted to wait until we could afford a house, that our future was more important. (And he agreed, though I think he’s getting restless and hating that he agreed now, haha.) 

My point is that every relationship is different, as is every individual. If you would prefer to have a stage ring until you can afford what you really want, that’s your business and no one else’s.

Post # 27
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

mimivac :  Haha, true! I told my husband that if he really wanted to impress me, he’d have to procure weapons large quantities of weapons grade uranium. Now that’s hard. Spending a ton of money from what would eventually become our shared pool was just way too easy. 

To the OP, your coworkers sound ridiculous. Ignore them, you can choose to live sensibly and happily instead of following their dumb advice. 

 

Post # 28
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2000

techmom :  love it ( what are we going to do today brain??)

Post # 29
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m getting a berricle ring. I can’t wear jewelry at work, so there’s no point in spending a ton of money on something I’ll probably only wear once a month. $35 and will last several years.

Post # 30
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In a way I think it’s sad that we are judged on our rings so much. I wonder if it’s due to social media and being able to compare so many aspects of our lives.

I think when our parents got engaged it was very much about the promise of marriage and the ring came second to that. I agree that with a lot of the older generation despite having accrued wealth they seem to stick with the same ring. I know my mum gets spoiled with *other* pieces of jewelry like a diamond dress ring, or a pretty necklace. Not an upgraded engagement ring, she wears the one she picked out when they got engaged and will forever I think.

When I think of older rich people I know in my area who are super wealthy I cant think of anyone who wears a honking diamond (and I look lol). I know someone who lives in a $2/3m house and she has a little diamond in a gold band def less than 1ct and her neighbor (similar priced home) doesnt even wear an engagement ring, just a plain band.

However my friends (who def arent millionaires lol) each have quite substantial rings! I dont think many are under 2ct. I dont know if they are real or what sort of quality they are.. but they look big and sparkly and have diamond wedding bands next to them. I think it’s a bit of a generation thing and media induced thing to have status symbol engagement rings.

Personally I almost went with a plain band as my ER. I felt I really didnt want to be judged on my ring. I didnt want people to think it was ‘itty bitty’ or if I got a big one ‘obnoxious’. I can understand why some celebrities choose plain bands as everyone is expecting them to have a 5ct monster diamond and if they dont then they get slated, look at at Kiera Knightly. She can afford anything she wanted yet she choose a ring that was practical and elegant and suited her personality and lifestyle not what others wanted her to have.

Anyway in the end my husband on his own accord got me a diamond ring not dissimilar to Kieras and I love it and it’s great but I still think I get judged on it, it’s too big/small/plain whatever. Cant win can you lol.

Anyway a long winded way of saying if the rich people in my town wear simple inexpensive rings and if a megastar A list actress chooses something inexpensive (in relation to her wealth) then you are in good company and who cares what gossipy bored people think!

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