(Closed) Engagement ring = secret?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m confused – did you tell them you’re engaged and they had no reaction/ignored it, or were you just waiting for them to notice the ring?

Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I had a similar situation, although i didnt want it to be a secret it seemed like my mother did, therefore she never metioned anything to any other family. I figured she would pass along the news however most of my family found out via facebook, which caused some hurt feelings. It really bothered me that my mom showed such little interest. I had come to realize who truly mattered, and those were the ones that were genuinlly happy for me. My mother has sence come around and has started showing interest in the wedding and what not.

Good luck and just remember the ones that truly care will always be happy for you

Post # 7
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@katsupgirl: Don’t be so hard on your family. They’re probably hurt you didn’t tell them. Wearing your ring isn’t an annoucement.

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@katsupgirl: An engagement IS a big deal and they are family. They might think you aren’t excited about the engagement because you haven’t really TOLD them about it. I understand not wanting to be one to make “announcements” but I think just expecting your family to notice the ring and congratulate you is a little strange.

Now doing that for coworkers/acquaintances is different and it is more common to wait until they notice so you aren’t the “wedding obsessed one.”

Post # 9
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ll be honest – it is a little odd to just wear the ring around but never say anything to anyone in your family about the engagement and just expected them to be able to read your mind and offer their congrats.

If I were them, I’d assume either:

A. It’s not an engagement ring.  It’s just a random ring you chose to wear on that finger

B. You’re not really happy about the engagement for one reason or another and that’s why you aren’t talking about it.  Therefore, why should they act excited.

C. There is some kind of secret because you (the person who should be talking and sharing) haven’t said anything about it.

Therefore, cut them some slack.  Their reactions (or lack there of) based on what you’ve done yourself are completely normal.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.KMM: I agree 100% and that is exactly what I was trying to say in my post. You just articulated it much more clearly.

Post # 11
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with all three points @FutureKMM made.  If you didn’t say anything about it I wouldn’t have asked.  It’s not fair to expect your family to make a fuss about it if you didn’t say anything to them about it.

Post # 12
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

you said it was your extended family that didn’t acknowledge the engagement….did your immediate family? did you announce the engagement to your parents, and any siblings? have they made a big deal about it?

Post # 14
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yeah, I agree with the above posts – I’d cut them some slack and try to start over.  Let them know how you got engaged, that you’re excited about it, and some of the plans you’re making.  I think they may have just been confused – I know my family would be confused, and probably pretty hurt, if I didn’t tell them about my engagement and just waited for them to figure it out.

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