(Closed) Engagement ring thoughts a year later

posted 2 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What would you do a year later if you didn't like the engagement ring with visible inclusions?

    Use original stones and redesign

    gently explain to husband how nice it would feel to have a better quality

    shop with husband and see what he thinks about possibilities

    suck it up, wear the ring, or don't wear it

  • Post # 16
    Member
    7235 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    springlilies28 :  I find it interesting to see how much you downplay your desires and compare what you have and want to his mother and some ex. You don’t have to do that. HIS perspectives might be shaped by his mother’s experience and opinions but who gives a shit? YOU are your own person, not them, and a ring that LOOKS like it was a good deal does not satisfy YOU. Since you are the one wearing it, your opinion is paramount here. You want a new ring or a new stone, ask for it. You could get a gorgeous lab grown diamond for a great price. But you have to be direct and say something. Closed mouths don’t get fed.

    PS- all of your response options are kind of crap. They’re all basically suck it up or tiptoe around husband. None of them is “Speak honestly with my husband about how I feel and that I would like a new ring that actually suits me.”

    Post # 18
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    View original reply
    springlilies28 :  Given what you’ve shared with us, I’m sincerely more concerned about your marriage and relationship with your husband. It doesn’t sound like you feel like equals or feel like your needs and wants are being addressed by your other half… I would focus on working on your marriage before picking out a new engagement ring. If anything, buy yourself a pretty new sparkly RHR you can wear and enjoy. 
    ETA: you say there are additional issues with your relationship and you want a ring to show unity and exemplify the love you share… why not try and work on that unity and love before trying to attach a pretty ring to a difficult marriage. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    3131 posts
    Sugar bee

    What about upgrading your husband? 

    Post # 21
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    View original reply
    springlilies28 :  I’m sorry you’re going through this but seriously, you deserve better than a pretty ring and a crappy husband. Please try and work on your marriage and really do consider getting yourself something sparkly just for you, because I can promise spending money on a pretty ring won’t make a difference to you if you can’t make this marriage work. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    Two-card him. It doesn’t sound like a marriage at all. I’m so sorry.

    Post # 23
    Member
    4797 posts
    Honey bee

    I would stop focusing on the ring and decide if you want to continue to be married to this guy.

    Post # 25
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 1985

    It’s a tough call. Went through this years ago as well. I always think the first year of marriage can be difficult. My husband was always doing stuff for his parents. Difference is I loved my 350 dollar service merchandise I2 ring!  Talk about visible inclusions!  Wore it for 34 years. What you are describing is not all about the ring. I get it!  Work on your marriage first before addressing the ring. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    2060 posts
    Buzzing bee

    There are a lot of red flags here- that’s what PPs are saying.

    -he’s wrapped around his moms finger: he spends most of his time with his parents instead of you (case in point- you’re on a getaway alone while he’s with his parents and he chose a ring for you seemingly based on his moms e ring, etc)

    – he didn’t take your wishes into account for the ring and expects you to just deal with it despite money not being an issue. He also referenced a ring he got an ex to compare to how you measured up/what you apparently deserved 

    you sound alone in this marriage and he sounds married to his mom. She’s still doing his laundry? Ohhh boy

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