(Closed) Engagement ring using exes stone

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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risalb :  no no no no no no no no no no no… I would not be ok with this. If his jeweler is legit he could have traded in the stone for what he paid for it and got something of the same quality but it would have been different. I just know that every time I would look at it all I would see is his ex. It’s her diamond in your ring… no no no no no no no

Post # 47
345 posts
Helper bee

Nope, not acceptable. He should have known better!! 

Post # 48
796 posts
Busy bee

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risalb :  Obviously I’m not in your position, so I don’t know how I would feel in the moment, but at the end of the day it’s just a stone. It’s just a piece of rock that was taken from the earth. If it was the exact same ring, that would make me uncomfortable. But it’s a whole new ring. I would rock it 🙂

Post # 49
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I can’t believe how calm you are! I can’t imagine what he was thinking!! Does she still have her wedding dress? Perhaps you could have that and have it restyled for you too.  

I would take a plastic ring over a diamond that was once on the exes finger!

i am sure it’s not been done hurtfully but I could never ever have that….. 

Post # 50
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Maaaaaaan this is a tough one…

My practical side is saying “well, yeah, it makes sense to repurpose the diamond he already had since will never get the price he paid for it if he sold it” but my sentimental side is saying there is no way it wouldn’t bother me. 

I think what it comes down to on the sentimental side is that what is so special to me about the ring FH gave me is that he chose it just for me. He went out and looked at hundreds of stones and settings and picked this exact ring because it was the one that he pictured sitting on my finger and that he knew I would love. If he told me today that the stone was actually taken from a ring he had previously given his ex I would be genuinely hurt because it would basically be telling me that the stone he “chose” for me isn’t actually special and wasn’t actually chosen for ME. Ouch. 

I’m not the jealous type at all, but I was so much happier when we bought a house together than I was living in the house he already owned that his previous gf had lived in for a while. Not because the house was tainted or some weird voodoo crap about energy, but because knowing that he had previously shared that home with her made it hard for it to feel like OUR home. It was fine for a while and it wasn’t like I was super uncomfortable there or anything (otherwise I never would have moved in), but moving into OUR home that we bought together felt so much more right. And I feel like wearing a ring chosen by him FOR me would be very similar, compared to one that was repurposed from a previous relationship. 

All this rambling basically to say your feelings are valid, I totally empathize, you’re not wrong, but also, I think he just doesn’t really get it and certainly didn’t mean to cause harm or discomfort. Hopefully he understands if you do tell him you would like a different ring or to replace the stone with one you pick out together or he picks out specifically for you.

Post # 51
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t want it, but I tend to get sentimental about stuff. It’s completly up to you xo

Post # 52
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

Think of the diamond being your FI’s diamond. He only had one to give away.  He’s set it beautifully just for you. You’re the one.   


If you you can’t get past it, tell him you’d like to sell it and buy a smaller stone with the proceeds.  And be glad he didn’t lie to you about it.  Finding out later would have been worse.

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