(Closed) Engagement Rings: Are our Men wasting their hard earned cash

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Eh. I hardly wear my engagement ring anymore. Diamonds can take a flying leap.

 

Oh, and that video was really funny 🙂

Post # 93
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@future_behal:  i’ve always felt this way. Society gives paper money and shiny rare things value. They are not inherently valuable themselves. So when I suspected my Fiance might be ring shopping I dropped a hint that I am not interested in diamonds because they’re a business scam.

But my Fiance went ahead and bought a diamond anyway because he *wanted* to spend the money. Nothing I can do now, and I can’t deny that it’s very prettyful!

Post # 94
Member
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly, I have never seen the purpose of engagement rings.  A wedding ring indicates that you are married.  The engagement period is so short, why spend thousands of dollars just to be able to wear a ring a few months earlier than the wedding date?

Post # 95
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

This video keeps getting reposted on the forum, I’ve seen four threads on it now. I’ll just copy my reponse from another thread 🙂

Whilst the De Beers ad campaign undoubtedly had a massive impact on jewellery and particularly on the inclusion of diamonds, that video is more of a smug clickbait confection than fact. Engagement rings have been given since the ancient Greeks. The first documented diamond engagement ring was given during the Renaissance. Valuable engagement rings (not usually diamond before Edwardian times, when they became very popular and remained so until the depression – and then, of course, came the De Beers campaign) have been given for centuries; one reason was that since a lady’s reputation would be ruined from a broken engagement, she needed some assurance that she wouldn’t be left destitute. Increasing social mobility post-Victorian era made the practice more and more widespread and aspirational. Obviously the only relevant reason to get a ring today is if you want one (and we decided, for several reasons, that we do), but its origins are actually quite interesting, and not quite as cynical as certain corners of the internet like to make out…

Post # 96
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think wanting a diamond is something to feel bad about. Everything that is expensive is actually worth nothing. I mean really pants from walmart cost next to nothing but then you go to ambercrombie and it’s like 10 times more. Why? They’re both made out of denim. It’s all about the label baby. And diamonds fall under an expensive label. Like other bees have said, diamonds aren’t the only thing that’s under a shady business. I hate hate hate the diamond industry, I don’t think they are worth their money but if I wanted one I would get one… from canada.

 

 

 

Post # 97
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

Why are people being so defensive?  It’s just an amusing video making a point.

Actually the diamond industry is manipulative in other ways too.  Emphasis on colour and clarity rather than cut, refusal to sell us n-x coloured stones, failure to cut more exciting stones with the emphasis on beauty rather than weight.  

 

Post # 98
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I question these things all the time myself.  This is why I played such a big role in helping my Fiance pick out a ring in a certain price range.  I do feel price is relative.  Companies have always charged what they can get away with.  My brother and I almost died when we found out what breeders were charging for bull dogs.  But, thats what the price is.  And if we want a bull dog bad enough thats what you pay.  I ask you a question…  How much did my pet rocks cost to make?  And how much did my pet rocks sell for?  The answer is to much.  The guy sold my pet rocks for way more than the value of the item in itself.  Same with diamond rings.  Unless ladies can make diamonds in their kitchen, they have to pay the price at the store.

Post # 99
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

See, to me, diamonds ARE worthless.  I don’t care for them, I don’t have any interest in owning them, so they how no worth for me.  Same with moissanite, and white sapphire, and other clear gemstones.  If any of those stones fell into my lap, I would either sell them outright and use the money for something I found more worthwhile, or stick them in my hoard of spare gems that I use for jewelry projects, then sell the resulting piece of jewelry (or give it away as a gift).  See?  Worth IS entirely subjective, as some previous posters have pointed out. 

While the price of an item may be driven by supply and demand (which can be controlled by a near-monopoly like DeBeers, which creates the false scarcity we see with the diamond trade), the worth of an item is determined by the individual.  None of this should be offensive – it’s just reality. 

What I find offensive about that video is the assumption that the men are buying these engagement rings for us.  I paid for the entirety of my own stand-in ring, thank you very much!  And I will be paying for at least half of the cost of my permanent engagement ring and commitment band set.  Because my partner and I are partners, and I don’t need him to be a breadwinner for me.  We go into this grand new adventure together, and that means doing things together.

Post # 100
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Creiddylad:  haha To be perfectly honest I still don’t quite get it but I’m not a jewlery person either so that’s probably why! 

Post # 101
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

@future_behal:  I actually saw that video a few days ago! I found it more humorous than anything and I do agree with SOME points… but I think “wasting” money is relative. You could forgo an engagement ring because it’s a “waste of money” and then buy an awesome fancy car that to OTHER people would be a waste of money.

So I agree with the message that you should spend your hard earned money on what you WANT to spend it on and not what you feel you *have* to spend it on for society’s sake, but if a diamond is what he WANTS to buy you and he CAN then what’s the problem?

Post # 102
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

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@flowercrowns:  +1 to “artificial scarcity”

My Fiance always thought diamonds were rare too until he went to look at some and the salesman *somehow* had a stone for every cut, color, clarity, and size he wanted to look at. So he was like…wait a minute? lol and when he asked for a specific combination they didn’t have, the salesman said he could get it for him lol.

That was sort of his “ah ha” moment

Post # 103
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@redheadedstranger:  Haha! I love jewelry, but I’m much more about unique, artistic metalwork and interesting/unusual/earthy looking stones than the traditional perfect gold-and-cut-stones jewelry. To me artisticness in jewelry is “worth more” than particular expensive materials (whatever they may be), as long as the item is well-made.

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@Polyphemus:  I like your point about these purchases not necessarily being by the man for the woman. That’s obviously the most common way but, like you, we’re doing it a little differently– while my Fiance bought my e-ring for me and presented it to me in a fairly traditional way, we will be making our wedding rings for each other! We’re going to carve wax versions of them and send them away to be cast in our metals of choice, and either finish them ourselves or have a jeweler we know set stones and such, and the money used to pay for this process is both of our money, not his or mine. 

In today’s culture, where couples in serious relationships often live together for years before marriage and frequently have at least partially combined finances, the idea of people taking their own money and buying with it something for the other person is becoming outdated, at least in some circles. I’m definitely still adjusting to the idea that our money is our money, not his or mine, since it comes and goes for the benefit of the same household. I think the assumption that one person has to spend their money on something for the other person comes from a pre-living-together attitude, which is valid for some people but not for others. It is an adjustment to make and I feel like the issues around whose money is spent on what are related to figuring that out.

There, I think that’s what I have to contribute to this discussion! It’s pretty interesting to read so far.

 

Post # 104
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

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@Creiddylad:  EXACTLY this!  I’m an amateur/hobbyist jeweler, and when my partner was dragging his heels about getting a ring (because they’re “so expensive”), I pointed out that I could easily make him one out of silver, copper, or brass, or out of any quarter-sized coin, for only a few dollars.  Once I made that clear, it seemed to open his eyes to the idea of rings not having to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars, and he ended up with not one, but TWO rings – one for the engagement and one for the commitment ceremony itself, though in the end I didn’t make either of them (though I am in the process of making him a ring holding pendant, so that he won’t have to worry about losing his ring when he takes it off at work, which he has to do frequently).

Post # 105
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I don’t think anyone should feel bad about the their preferred stone as long as they can afford it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your SO that you know diamonds are not as intrinsically valuable as some suggest, but you really want a diamond. Personally, I prefer the look of colored gemstones though. There’s options for every budget and every preference.

Post # 106
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

The video is a bit exaggerated obviously but I get that they are trying to make a point with it. I’m just not sure why they feel like this is new or eye-opening?

One of the points in the video was about how you wouldn’t be able to re-sell your ring. I honestly don’t foresee every selling my ring, or any other jewelry I have for that matter. My family has tons of inherited jewelery too. Its value isn’t monetary, it’s sentimental. And, as is often discussed on this board, the sentimental value attached to your ring is meaningful to you but likely not worth anything to anyone else. 

We also see on these boards a huuuuuuge range of cost of engagement ring. Even on a board where the average carat size is a little higher, there are plenty of rings that are less expensive. We also see a huge variety of styles, stones, and bands. I just don’t see the idea that engagement ring must be an expensive diamond ring. Maybe that is some people’s preference (I myself wanted a diamond), but that does not seem to be the overwhelming feeling at all.

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