- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
I have been really good and I have not been mentioning engagement to SO. Low and behold, SO brought it up last night on his own accord- but it was more bad news than good.
A little background is that he promised to propose to me by May 2012 and it didn’t happen so he promised to propose by May 2013 (he had a rough year financially). Since May 2012, we have discussed engagement a number of times- and he has dropped hints along the way- I said I wanted it to be romantic and he said the HR woman at his work thought his idea was romantic- he said he has had this same plan for over a year, she thought it was romantic, but that I would see it coming from miles away because it is in a foreign country. I told him it didn’t need to be in a foreign country, but he said it was the only thing he could come up with that seemed “good enough” for me and that’s what his heart is set on (which I thought was sweet). He tells me things like he promises it will be worth the wait.
It is hard for us to travel to a foreign country because we both have pretty crazy schedules, and the only time we can take a trip to a foreign country before May is our Spring Break at the end of March. SO told me he was planning on taking me on our trip and proposing over Spring Break.
Back to last night, SO said he is still planning on proposing over Spring Break and I played it cool but inside I was thrilled! And I said, well the ring we looked at takes 8 weeks to make so you will have to order it soon to get it in time (I know he hasn’t ordered it yet so I meant it as a helpful comment). He said he didn’t think about that and he said he wasn’t sure if he could do it by then because he might not have enough money saved up for the ring yet. Womp. Womp.
Rewind- We went ring shopping in June and looked at a few possibilities (I found several rings I liked and left the final decision up to him). He knew how much they all were and said that way he would know how much to save. Because finances are rough for him right now, he is just paying for a setting and we are going to have a CZ center stone and we will replace the CZ with a diamond when we can afford it. SO refused to get me anything besides a diamond, and I am not opposed to diamonds so it was the best compromise we could both agree on. He has been trying to save money since then, and I have been trying to help as much as I can. I pay for our dates out when he lets me, and we set monetary limits on Christmas gifts this year because he has the tendency to spoil me at Christmas. Of course I stayed under the limit and he spent 3 times the limit and now he can’t afford the ring he knew he was saving for since June. I am grateful for the wonderful gifts I received, but I would rather him only send what he can afford.
Why can’t he think about the consequences of his actions ahead of time? I’m so frustrated.
Back to last night- Then he said maybe he will have MY grandmother co-sign the ring with him if he doesn’t have enough money saved up. There isn’t someone in his family who could do it and my grandmother adores him, so he saw that as his only option for extra help. That makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and awkward and I think that if he can’t afford a particular ring that we should get a ring he can afford. He asked if I would want to cosign for my ring. I really wanted him to do this on his own, even if that means having a less expensive ring, but he refuses to buy me a less expensive ring. He told me he would figure something out. I said he might need a Plan B in case the ring isn’t finished in time because he is cutting it close. He admitted he hadn’t thought about that.
And then I asked him if I still needed to renew my passport (I have a replacement passport and it is expired). He said that he probably couldn’t afford to take me where he planned anymore and I didn’t need to renew it. I’m so disappointed and I feel like a total brat but I wanted the proposal he has been planning to do for the last year and a half. I feel like I have been compromising and trying to make this easier on him and now it feels like we are settling on every aspect of the proposal. I wish he hadn’t told me that I was going to have a romantic proposal overseas because he isn’t following through and now it is hard not to be disappointed.
All I wanted was a thoughtful and romantic proposal, especially after having to wait so much longer than the first deadline he gave me before. And my SO is NOT a romantic guy, he just isn’t. But it seems like he hasn’t put much thought into this at all and now I really doubt he will be able to come up with something. Especially because now SO is telling me he isn’t sure he can make it happen for Spring Break and he wished he hadn’t brought it up. His lack of confidence makes it difficult to be patient and trust that it will happen. So now I’m not only disappointed, but I feel like an idiot for trusting him that he would keep his word after he failed to do so the first time. And the last thing I feel like doing now is celebrating the New Year. I’m sorry that was so long, I just needed to get that out of my system. So now what do I do? I feel like such a brat, but I also think a man is only worth his word, any helpful advice for me bees?