Post # 47
@MrsFutureG: I really hope that distance makes things better, I least I won’t be feeling as anxious and sad as I feel everytime I come home, trying to be kind at the same time. It’s not that they make me feel bad or anything when I get here, it’s just that the idea of confronting them and setting some boundaries puts me in such distress. From what I see, my father is having a hard time, not getting enough sleep, I think he’s trying to cope with all this situation; whereas my mother is just acting as if nothing had happened.
Today we went to the church we picked and saved our spot on Feb 22, which makes everything more real 🙂 I still haven’t told them… I feel like such a coward and sad that I’m still protecting them. I know that I should fight for my happiness, but it’s so difficult to do so after so many years of putting their happiness first.
I’m glad that everything is cheaper!! 🙂 I know that joyful feeling when paying everything by ourselves. Now I understand why you choose Sunday 😉 Hope you have a great time at your wedding and enjoy your married life!
Post # 48
@melonseeds: I do understand – completely. Realising that nothing will be enough for your parents is the worst, and yet, it’s great being able to cope with it.
I’m happy to read that you have the courage to stand up for yourself and putting boundaries, looking after your happiness 🙂 I hope I’m able to do so as well, or I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I’m glad too that you’ve found the love of your life! Don’t let him go.
I wish that both our parents realise, at some point, that they need to respect our decisions and learn to be happy for us. I really do.
Thank you for sharing all of this w/me, it’s an eye opener, and thanks too for taking the time to read and reply.
Post # 49
@Shamus11: Happy that your relationship with your parents is good now, there is hope 🙂 Thanks.
Post # 50
It can be hard to stand up for yourself when it makes people you love upset. When i’ve been manipulated in the past I often wonder why seeing ME upset doesn’t make THEM feel guilted into changing their behaviour, but it never does. Sometimes good people can do bad things and manipulating another person is a bad thing. It doesn’t mean we stop loving them but it also doesn’t mean that we have to accept their bad behaviour, that isn’t protecting them, it’s slowly teaching them that it’s ok to behave like that. Part of our responsibility to those we love is to help them be the best people they can be, sometimes that can be hard.
There’s a whole wing of my family who are Roman Catholic and very involved with the church. I know they are fine with contraception so don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t a real Catholic!
Keep your chin up and remember that as long as you always behave with compassion and kindness (which you obviously do!) other people’s issues are there own.
Post # 51
I need you to know I feel your pain. I’m not sure if it is quite as bad, but my Fiance parents are not very supportive of us. They see him as their young son, who can never grow up. His father is very emotionally absent so his mother is completely dependent on her children. We have been together for going on 6 years, and they still have no gotten used to the idea of him having a serious relationship. We have had a longer engagement, and it has taken them until 6 months to go to even START getting involved, and that is ONLY by obligation. His parents criticize every decision we make. They act nice to me in person most of the time, but they are just not supportive to us as a whole. It really stinks but it says nothign about you or your Fiance, and I am trying to understand that. I used to take it personally but I now realize there is simply NOTHING i could do to make his parents support us or love me more. They can’t let their boy grow up. I hope you know that you’re not the only one!
Post # 52
I can’t emphasize staying with him enough, if you truly feel he’s the one. I have an acquaintance who was 45 before finally marrying, due in whole to her mother disapproving of every guy she dated. She simply didn’t want her daughter to get married, period, because she wanted her to keep living at home, which she did. Finally, she met a guy online, they eloped and she moved to another state to be with him. She very quickly got pregnant, had the baby and now is divorced, because he just wasn’t the one for her. Honestly, the one probably got away years ago because she let her mother bully her around. Now she is single again, this time a single 52 year old mother, once again living with her mother, who is now a disabled widow.
Please don’t let this happen to you.
Post # 53
@Anardana: Thank you so much for your feedback. I do wonder too why seeing me upset doesn’t make them feel guilted into changing their behaviour; so far I have come up with the idea that I don’t get upset too long, meaning I am, most of the times, the first to give in. Also, thanks for telling me that I am a real Catholic! I have had such a hard time with this to be honest; it certainly gives my heart some rest. Your last kind words made my day, thank you, you are so sweet 🙂
Thanks for sharing your life experience with me, it makes me feel accompanied (not sure if this word is correct?). I hope that your FI’s parents will eventually come along; as long as you and your Fiance are on the same page, and he’s aware of this situation, you’ll be just fine 🙂 Since I’m in your FI’s position, I would like to tell you this: try to empathise w/him but don’t give in! He needs you more than ever to help him cut the apron strings! And no, you can’t do anything about his parents, in fact I wouldn’t recommend doing anything extra to please them, it would be like handing them the control over your lives, all you can do is honour and love them.
I am really sorry to hear this about your acquaintance, she must feel so resentful after going through all of this 🙁 I feel for her. Thank you for sharing.
Post # 54
I just want to THANK YOU all once again for all of your support, thoughts and hugs, I haven’t forgotten about you!! I keep coming back to reading your replies and I’ve found them unbelievably useful when going through hard moments. Everything is getting better (slowly), my parents are trying to get involved and I’m still getting married in February (yeay!). Still attending counseling on my own and things are looking good 🙂 I’m still on the bee, but I decided to make another account for the sake of privacy, so this is sort of my anonymuous account. Again, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING 🙂 You’ve been wonderful and you’ve really helped me during this hard time of my life!
Post # 55
@BlueMockingbird: I’m so glad to hear that things are beginning to improve. Feburary is coming up fast now!
Post # 56
@BlueMockingbird: so good to hear everything is getting better. February will be here soon!
Post # 57
*deleted* didn’t realize this was an old thread 😛