- 5 months ago
I’m 23 now and my boyfriend proposed after 6.5 years of dating on September 1st last year 2017.
The whole engagement week was awful from the start. We had talked about rings and I knew he was planning eventhough I would have preferred it to be completely out of no where and a surprise.
The day we got engaged we drove a couple hours away to the city (before we got engaged) We stopped at a gas station before I had to go to the bathroom. It was really weird right away and the employees where just hanging out sitting in a circle and not acting like they worked there. Their was a guy and 2 girls all young. When we walked in my boyfriend said what? Because it seemed like the guy was talking to him but the guy said (nothing I was talking to her (one of the girls.)
My boyfriend asked him if I could use the bathroom.(needed them to unlock it) I think I had tried to go in already. He said my boyfriend needed to buy something first and my boyfriend said he was gonna get gas. Not really I dont think but he just said that so I could pee (because we had to get to the engagement spot at a certain time) the guy asked which was my boyfriend’s car and my boyfriend told him which one. The pump was on the wrong side to put gas. The guy got mad at my boyfriend and said “dont lie to me man” my boyfriend said I’m not. The guy said I couldn’t use the bathroom until my boyfriend proved to him that he was going to but something.
We probably would have just left if he wasn’t planning a proposal but he bought a water. My boyfriend said go ahead but the guy still wasn’t opening it and it felt really awkward. I think I asked if I could use it then he finally did. My boyfriend went back to the car. When I was in the bathroom the guy turned the lights off on me and it was pitch black. I finished and walked (and passed by him) feeling all awkward with him staring at me.
I felt all awkward and uncomfortable. Like 10 minutes later we got to a parking garage. When we for out a lady was bugging my boyfriend for directions when he was trying to hurry. We walked up to a lark area with a big statue that said LOVE where he proposed and their was a photographer. I was crying and got kinda distracted from that guy. We took pictures for an hour.
We hung out in the city t by e rest of the day. We went back home then his family got there from out of town. They had been driving all day. We announced our engagement then. The next day we went to this creepy haunted town and my fiance made me go into the cemetery there eventhough I didn’t want to. We got engaged on Friday. This day was Saturday. I was creeped out (I have a huge phobia of death) but glad it was a different day and that we didn’t go on our engagement day and I was happy we where engaged.
The next day his family drove back home. A couple hours into the drive they called saying that my fiance’s cousin died. He was around the same age as my fiance. He had a seizure. It was so confusing because it was supposed to be a happy time. Also I had just gotten off the phone with my grandma because she was going to fly in soon to go dress shopping with me. I had to call her back and tell her what happened and that she couldn’t come yet.
A couple days later we had to fly back (out of state where we are from) for the funeral. I told my fiance I didn’t want to go but he said I had to become I was going to be marrying him ( so I was expected to be there.) I went and it basically turned into the worst week of my life. I’m terrified to die and terrified of losing my boyfriend. I believe in eternal marriage. I was in the back by myself in the corner crying the whole time looking away from everything. They said at the church that anyone who didn’t want to go to the burial could wait there for the reception. I told my fiance I was going to wait there. He could see how bad I was already but he made me go anyways. I was crying so I waited in the car. The windows where down though so I heard everything.(they did some last call thing) and it was awful. When we where in town for this at his parents house he made me show everyone our engagement photos eventhough I didn’t want to.
We went back and as soon as the plane left the ground I felt relief. I just wanted to get out of there. When we got back I barely ate for at least a week. I. Had no appetite and couldn’t stand to be in silence. I had to have happy disney channel music constantly playing. I couldn’t even go upstairs without it. My stomach was in knots for a couple weeks because of how terrified I am of death. I went into the deepest depression I have ever felt. Now over a year later I’m still struggling with depression because of it.
I tried going to a therapist but it didn’t help at all. She just said not to think about it basically and it just made me feel worse. I think about dead people every day and I think rotting bodies are disgusting and they should be cremated. I think about rotten bodies every day and wake up every day with dread. I cry pretty much every day.
Also during our engagement 4 other people have died. One of them on our anniversary. The anniversary before that (before we got engaged) we where at the hospital and his grandma died. So people died on our anniversary 2 years in a row. Then during our engagement this year…my aunts funeral was on my birthday. (We didn’t go to any other funerals). Also last Thanksgiving when we where already engaged, when we went home for the holiday my grandma told me she had cancer. She’s ok now though but gonna be 85 in December. More p6have died during our engagement than I have known die in my entire life and their has never been a funeral on my birthday until our engagement.
Everyone is expecting us to be wedding planning and we want our anniversary January 26th but its coming up and we haven’t even scheduled anything. It will be immediate family only. We don’t want to wait a whole mother year. We even considered January of this year at the beginning. If we have to wait it will be our 9 year anniversary!!
Also I wanted to get engaged way sooner so in a way I blame him for all this and say if he would have done it sooner all this wouldn’t have happened. I feel like we are cursed.
I want to get engaged again but then it will be fake and everyone knows when we got engaged and we had pictures and everything:,( Help! I’m obsessed with fairytales and want a Disney wedding. I wanted my engagement to be perfect. It is the most important thing to me ever and everything went wrong:,( I went into the worst depression of my life during our engagement week and still struggle with it every day. He thinks it will be fake if we do it again to but wants to make me happy to. It still won’t be the actual engagement though:,( We don’t know what to tell everybody and this is ruining my life and our relationship. Please help! Also I dont talk to my parents but that’s another story. Sorry this was so long!!