Engagement was ruined:,( Depression

posted 5 days ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

Take some deep breaths, Bee. Life isn’t perfect. There is no reason to believe things wouldn’t have happened to interrupt your joy if he’d proposed sooner or later. Finding the right therapist can be like finding the right husband–you have to keep trying until you click. Please try to find another therapist. Real life isn’t a Disney movie and it sounds as if you need some help developing the coping skills you will need to be a happy and successful adult, let alone have a happy marriage. 

Post # 3
Member
13289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Girl, you need to go back to therapy.  If you’re crying every day because corpses are rotting in the ground, that’s a big issue you need to work out.

It’s time to learn to make the best of things.  Even in the best laid plans, life happens and things go wrong.  You just have to learn how to go with the flow.

Post # 4
Member
7020 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Bee, with kindness, I really think you should try therapy with a different counselor. Your thought processes here are not healthy or rational. Being afraid of death is common, but you’ve truly taken it to the extreme in that you are still deeply depressed a year after a funeral of a person you didn’t even really know (if I understood correctly), and irrationally angry at your boyfriend because this death happened shortly after his proposal. Death is a part of life; that’s a reality we all have to find ways to cope with.

It actually sounds like your boyfriend planned a lovely engagement for you. He even hired a photographer and arranged for the family to be there to celebrate. That’s truly going above and beyond. Blaming him for botching it because his cousin unexpectedly passed away a day later is completely irrational, and redoing the proposal is not going to address the underlying problem, which is that you are not in a good place mentally. I hope you can find some help bee.

Post # 5
Member
8954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

Get counseling. 

Post # 6
Member
3178 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is all so extreme, you need therapy. Immediately. 

 

Post # 7
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I am not a fan of “just don’t think about it”… well, thanks lady, you  solved my problem!

Therapy is not a quick thing, it might be a while before you start to see results. HOWEVER, you need to see a different one. This one is not the right fit for you. You should find someone who you feel understands your problem and takes it seriously. Someone who understands the severe impact your phobia is having on your life.

This someone is definitely not the person you just saw. Your therapist is out there, don’t give up

Post # 8
Member
1910 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You need to find a new therapist immediately. 

Its extremely disturbing that you can’t seperate someone dying to your engagement.

No one on here can help you, you need serious help from a professional. Please take this seriously and find a therapist that you like, you can’t live your life this way. Best of luck. 

Post # 9
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, hon.  Life is not a fantasy.  I’m so sorry for your losses.  I agree with PPs suggesting counseling.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 10
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You need to go back to counseling and stick with it for a while.  At least 6 months.  Your concerns and feelings don’t have anything to do with your engagement, it seems.  You need professional help to sort out these thoughts and feelings, bee.

Post # 11
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Omg. What did I just read. Life isn’t Disney. You are engaged. Get married and enjoy life yet lived.

Post # 12
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Bee, you are not mentally healthy right now.  That is not necessarily your fault, but it is something you need to deal with the same way you would deal with a physical illness – by getting treatment from a qualified doctor.  You need to come to terms with death – every ife needs to end at some point and that’s just reality.  Getting re-engaged won’t change anything; people are going to continue to die throughout your engagement and for the rest of your life.  You need to be able to find your happiness in spite of that, and you need to get healthy before you can.

Post # 13
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Bee, in a way I can kind of sympathize with you. When my mom died of cancer a few years ago, I pushed my boyfriend at the time away and broke up with him, because the thought of him dying scared me even more than not dating him. I rarionalized that if I didn’t love anyone, then it wouldn’t hurt when they died. It took me about a year to have normal feelings about death again.

I strongly suggest you seek a different therapist. Dwelling on death every day is not healthy, in fact it sounds like it’s bordering on an obsession for you. 

I also don’t think you should blame your boyfriend that these deaths are all happening during your engagement. That’s not something he can control and honestly, even if you had been engaged earlier, the deaths could have happened on your wedding anniversary, your child’s birthday, or any other significant life event if you reach enough. They do not relate in any way to each other. 

Please go to therapy, obviously it sounds like you have some deeply rooted issue with death that stemmed way before this year. I think you need to figure out how to deal with the trauma that has caused you before you move on with anything else.

Best of luck. 

Post # 14
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

Please go to a different therapist, and use good birth control. What you’re feeling is not normal or healthy.

Post # 15
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need professional help to get your mind back on track. Stop worrying about other people. Good luck bee

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