Engagement/Wedding Jealousy…?

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Yes lol my Future Mother-In-Law is happy so she says although I’ve tried to include her because I have no parents and she is the type that lives for major milestones she was so happy for our pregnancy, birth of our beautiful baby, but wedding planning not so much. She hates family events because she hates her in laws whom my fiancé is very close with. I think she thinks we’ll have a big wedding even though we’re just planning on eloping. I’ve sent her pics of dresses I found online and she didn’t even reply till a week later and not even about the dresses she wanted to know how our daughter was. I don’t really care though I was a bit hurt at first but then I remembered I get to marry the love of my life and I won’t let anyone ruin that lol 

Post # 3
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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ceesolovely :  Can you share more about your situation? 

Post # 7
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Yes. One of my best friends who is married, said on one occasion ‘you are throwing up rainbow’. She was referring to me talking about being engaged. I felt terrible and shocked, as I didn’t think I was really banging on about it too much. I did ask her questions about her wedding and engagement, she would never give me proper answers. I really thought she would be thrilled for me, I know I would be for her. I definitely get a jealous/annoyed vibe, and I have no idea what is the true reason behind it. She is married so she can’t be resentful about her guy not proposing etc. I am too shy to ask what her problem is. Oh, and I don’t even have a wedding date, OR a proper engagement ring, so it’s not that either.

Post # 8
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

The snide comments I’ve had have been from married friends – I’m guessing either their own marriages have reached the ‘blah’ stage and they’re envious of our romance or that they don’t like losing the ‘wiser married person’ position.  My single friends have been 100% supportive, even the one who was hoping for a proposal from her bf before I even started dating my fiance.  I know she is heartbroken that he doesn’t want to get married, but she has gone out of her way to show interest and concern for me (and has been one of the very few people to express sympathy over my wrecked wedding plans)

If someone’s dislike/lack of enthusiasm is really obvious, I would suggest talking to them about it – if it’s more subtle, just ignore it and look elsewhere for support and enthusiasm. If someone is having a hard time dealing with your engagement, for whatever reason, and is trying not to be obvious about it, it’s best just to let them get on with it.

Post # 8
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2020

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ceesolovely :  Hey there! I am dealing with this type of situation.

I have a close friend, who I asked to be a bridesmaid, and I thought she would be the top fitting person for this role, she has always said if I got married she would be so into helping me plan (this is not a strong trait of mine and I am not super girlie).

When I asked her to be in the wedding party she was very much into the idea.

Fast forward a bit of time and she is giving off jealous and avoidant vibes.

At bridesmaids dress shopping she commneted that everything was ugly and she couldnt find something that fit her well (I picked the colour and fabric only just to keep things consistent, and there were 27 different dress styles that the girls could pick from… my thought was.. go wild and find something you’re comfortable in, whatever shape, style, length, sleeves/ no sleeves etc).

She keeps saying she will tentatively attend the few events I hoped to do, which were very simple, one was a bachelorette party, which would just be a night out, the other was a weekend away at one of the groomsmen’s cottage 2 hours away, very low key, minimal cost.

I haven’t asked for help with anything else or planned to have an engagement party,or  bridal shower.

It’s making me feel guilty for feeling excited. I dread now asking anyone for help or advice too. Even though it’s one person, it’s shadowing over my happiness.

I get that people have lives, jobs, kids, other events. But in her case she is clearly being avoidant, and its not a matter that she has other things to attend on these days.

Anyway I digress. She has also said things like “I cant believe you are getting married before ME”. She;s been with her bf for 10 years and he obviously doesnt want to get married. 

It’s very hurtful for me, because I don’t have any family myself, and my friends are my family. It sucks to have one jealous person because I am finding I am sensitive to this very much so. It’s hurtful also when you’ve put so much of your time into helping people in many ways, and get the shaft.

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2020

Regarding your comment below:

I am also dealing with THIS too! I am so glad (well not glad, but hopefully you know what I mean) that I am not the only one dealing with this. I am sorry that you are also 🙁

Side note: I find on many of these forums that people are quick to judge and make us feel selfish or with too high of expectations for posting our true feelings. I hate that!

Anyhoo… only 2 of my bridesmaids have asked about the state of our Aug 29, 2020 wedding which is surprising. I don’t like to shove wedding things at people and i’m not one to talk about it constantly but I wouldnt mind some occaisional interest from people who are involved! I despise when people say “no one is as excitied for your wedding as you are”. Terrible advice. When I read that, I feel like people are raining on our parades. I feel that the people who are close to you may not be dancing around spewing confetti everywhere but that they should show some interest occaisionally.

 

<<< Thanks for reaching out! Basically, I got engaged May 2019 and one of my very best friends said she was so happy for me but never came with me to try on dresses, asked about planning or even offered to help! It’s fine bc I had my mom and sis but we all thought it was odd. She was the very last bridesmaid to purchase a dress (which she had a shady comment about) and again, never asked about a bridal shower or bachelorette party…I’ve had coworkers and friends that I wouldn’t have considered to be as close to show way more enthusiasm than her but if I bring up candles or skincare that I found on Amazon she’s begging for details and pics!

 

Obviously I don’t think my wedding is the biggest deal of the year – especially with all that’s going on but even with that, there were no questions or concerns on how I was dealing with the virus news or whether we would postpone the ceremony. She knew our honeymoon and other bridal events were cancelled but hasn’t said anything. I definitely haven’t talked about my wedding 24/7 but it hurts that someone who I thought would be there for me, isn’t 🙁  >>>

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

Girls, your weddings ARE a huge deal to you and they should also be really important to your true friends.  If you’re not getting the love and support from your bridesmaids that you should be getting, maybe you should think about asking them if they really want the role.  And if they don’t, offering it to someone who really will support you.

Especially for anyone planning a wedding this year or next in the current crisis, we need all the support we can get.  Sending cyber hugs to you, and I’m so sorry you are having to deal with unhelpful friends on top of everything else.

Post # 11
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@pineappleashley:  I wouldn’t worry so much about bridesmaids not inquiring about the state of your wedding. I feel it can be a taboo subject to bring up with some people planning weddings this year because they’re not ready to let go yet. At least that’s what I’ve seen in my circle. It’s probably just their way of trying not to rain on your parade or seem unsupportive.

Post # 12
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

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ceesolovely :  See, some of these are big reasons why I would lean towards just eloping or keeping it really low key. Like all that makes me happy is the idea of marrying my bebe. I dont have the energy to deal with how people react or think about my marriage/wedding/etc…

you do you, bee!!

Post # 13
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2020

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@ceesolovely:  Im having the same issue with one of my bridesmaids. I feel like it is so passive aggressive to not even ask once or twice about what’s going on with any of the wedding events. I eventually texted her to inform her about the (hopefully) new wedding plans and her reply was “Oh I was wondering, but didnt want to bug you and ask.” Like really? That’s your job as a friend, and also as someone in the wedding party. Don’t you want to know for your own knowledge? Wouldn’t a good friend be curious. I am curious about my friends’ lives all the time. And I know there is a lot going on in the world but you’d just think, if you were involved you might ask. Once even. With that said, it upsets me but also doesnt surprise me because she is the same bridesmaid who thew a mini fit at the store when we were shopping for bridesmaid dresses, saying that every dress was ugly and she hated them all and she would just “have to pick one, I guess”. Also frustrating because i picked the colour and fabric, which had 25+ dress styles and lengths, and let everyone pick whatever style they wanted. I have been so realxed about the wedding. It is more important for me to just have my friends there instead of fabricating some perfect looking wedding

Post # 14
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

 

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@ceesolovely:  I think SIL may be a bit envious as I am a year younger than her and getting married next year, because when other older SIL listed who her bridesmaids would be if she herself got married and I listed mine after, younger SIL snapped that there was no rush for FH and I to get married. When I showed her some dresses I had tried on, she stated she didn’t like any of them although there were a variety of styles lol. 

Try not to worry about it and enjoy your engagement and planning process. The less people involved in your planning the better IMO. Too many cooks spoil the broth and all that! We are getting married December next year and nobody is as excited as FH and I, naturally. It’s okay for people not to be shouting from the rooftops about your wedding, however, I have often found it to be the case that if someone is bitter or resentful about these things for no good reason, it is usually because they may have some insecurities of their own or they are generally unhappy. Try not to take it too personally and  have fun with the rest of your planning!

Post # 15
Member
779 posts
Busy bee

Common theme above seems to be that people did not call/text and ask about wedding planning and plans and I would think as host it would be your responsibility to keep everyone updated on what’s going on instead of them individually reaching out to you to see what the plans are/have changed too. 

i really hate that women just label other women “jealous” “envious” so easily. When have we seen men talk like that about each other. There is a pendemic going on, even if there was not people have tons to do and work, home, everyday things. 

I wonder how many times you guys have reached out to your friends for non wedding things lately? 

Having a wedding is not that special. 

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