Post # 1
SO and I are very, very close to getting engaged. We have been looking at rings, we’ve pruchased the setting and are waiting to hear back about our diamond from the jeweler next week.. anyway..
I’m THRILLED to be getting engaged. We have a daughter together and I know this is exactly what we want. He evens me out perfectly and I love him.. BUT I’m a little sad at the same time. I know a part of me will be sad when the wedding planning begins for 2 reasons..
1. My mother is no longer with us. She passed away from breast cancer when I was 10 years old. There is just something so sad about planning your wedding without your mom.
2. We are paying for everything on our own so it’s going to be a VERY strict budget.. and I mean VERY. It makes me a little sad because he and I both want a nice wedding but I just don’t see how we’ll make it happen. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom and he works 2 jobs. We make ends meet and are comfortable but I just know we won’t be able to do everything we want.
Any other bees that had a similar situation and can understand where I’m coming from?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for what you are going through and I think that feeling bittersweet is perfectly understandable. Maybe you can plan a big shindig for an anniversary party and that way you can still have a big wedding-related party?
Post # 4
I sort of understand what you’re going through about missing your mom. My dad isn’t in my life, and it makes me sad when I think about who will walk me down the aisle (if anyone), and that I won’t have a father/daughter dance. We are also going to be paying for the wedding almost completely on our own, so we also will have a very strict budget.
Whenever I get a little down about it, I just remind myself how excited I am to be marrying my best friend 🙂
Post # 5
Hi. I’m sorry for your loss and I can relate to you in many levels
1) My dad passed away 1.5 years ago from cancer as well. I was so close to my dad. I’m the youngest of 9 kids and I was seriously like his little princess. My regret is him not being there to walk me down the isle and every time I think of it, it breaks my heart. It’s also hard when I go to weddings and the bride has her father/daughter dance for I know I won’t be given that opportunity. But I’m doing what I can for me to have my dad at the wedding. My bouqet will have a pendant of his picture on it. My mom still has a few jackets that belongs to my dad. I’m thinking about cutting up a piece of it and sewing it onto my wedding dress. Just things that can make me feel like my dad is there
2) Me and my fiance just graduated from graduate school, so 2 VERY broke ex students. Figure out your budget and stick to it. I’ve come to realize no matter how big or small the budget is you can make any wedding look beautiful and memorable. Me and my fiance just sat down and figured out whats more important to us and some things we are willing to forgo. We decided photography is imp to us but not so much party favors and invitations. So just budget. Also when is your wedding? You can also postpone it for a little bit to save some money as well. Hope this helps =)
Post # 6
I’ve been making mental notes as to how I would upgrade our wedding if we had the cash, and then maybe one day I’ll use those to throw an awesome anniversary party. As I see it, the wedding is only the beginning.
Post # 7
@CMSnails: a big party is definitely something we’ll talk about. I’m trying to wait until its official to talk to him about all the plans. 🙂
@Cory_loves_this_girl: oh girl, i know EXACTLY what you mean. my dad isn’t in my life either! he’s an alcoholic and i haven’t spoken to him in years. i’m lucky that my brother and i are very close and he’ll likely be the one to walk me down the aisle. i have the same feeling about the daughter dance. i BAWLED at my best friends wedding because she is incredibly close to her dad and thier dance was so sweet. you’re not alone!
@ssan129: i’m so sorry for your loss. cancer SUCKS. i love the idea of having his jacket sewn into your dress. so sweet. i’ll likely have a picture of my mother on my bouquet as well. we don’t have a date yet. we’re not engaged quite yet.. it’s coming in a few weeks though. we’ll likely have a long engagement to save money etc. definitely good advice about deciding whats important. i’m with you.. photography is a top priority! invites will likely be DIY 🙂
@kat4301: it definitely is only the beginning! 🙂
Post # 8
@bbsoon2be: I understand about losing the people you love- every summer since my freshman year, I’ve lost someone. I lost my grandmother to a stroke, then my aunt to a pill overdose, my cousin to a mix of alcohol and pills, and this summer I lost my brother to suicide, then just recently my uncle passed, although we’re still not completely sure how he died. The family thinks it was a heart attack or OD, but the police are treating it as a homicide. When wedding planning comes, I think I’ll be most upset about my grandmother and my aunt’s passing, because they are the two who would’ve been most involved.
And I’ll probably have to pay for my own wedding, mostly. It’s not that my dad (he’s the only one who works) wouldn’t, but I know he can’t really afford it. You learn not to watch over-the-top shows like Say Yes to the Dress or read about celebrity weddings. Remember that the wedding is one day, but the marriage is forever. And there’s no reason you can’t have a nice budget wedding- read about a few other bee’s pulling off champagne weddings on beer budgets! I just saw a recap of an absolutely gorgeous one for $5,000. Just don’t set your sights on an expensive ballroom, evening gown affair and forget about a beautiful garden wedding as a possibility. It can definitely be done!
Post # 9
@ForeverBirds: so sorry for your losses. my heart goes out to you. we’ll see about what the budget will be once the planning begins. there are somethings we’ll be willing to cut back and some we won’t. hopefully all goes smoothly.
Post # 10
@bbsoon2be: Thank you. And I wish you luck on the wedding planning, but I’m sure that even with a $100 budget it will be beautiful!
Post # 11
@ForeverBirds: thank you! luckily we have little bit more than that to work with 😉
Post # 12
@bbsoon2be: I can’t wait to see how it all turns out!
Post # 13
Sorry you have to go through all of that. Darling Husband & i paid for our wedding ourselves also. I did everything myself…you say you are a Stay-At-Home Mom, is there any way you could get a part time job or something (everywhere i shop right now is hiring for the holiday season) tohelp broaden that wedding budget a little bit?
Post # 14
I think it’s a very natural thing to be sad about those things.
Our budget is tight too, it puts a damper on things sometimes, right? We just made a list of things that we NEED (photos, our friends to have a good time) and then everything else I decided I can’t worry about. Not sure what you are looking for, but I have seen a lot of nice weddings in the Atlanta area and sometimes I get envious!
My Fiance lost his father about 7 years ago (right before we met), and while I know it is going to be a little sad for him to not have his father around, he knows his dad would be thrilled that he found someone. Our chairs will be a nod to his dad on our wedding day, they will read: “Mr. & Mrs. Ugly” (don’t worry, it was my idea). My Fiance wanted something small, personal, and lighthearted that his dad would have laughed at and that fit the bill perfectly.
I’m sure your wedding will be perfect and beautiful!
How exciting that your daughter gets to witness her parents’ wedding!!
Post # 15
@bbsoon2be: Oh honey!! My mom got sick when I was 11 and passed away shortly after, so I definitely understand where you are coming from! Also, my Fiance and I paid for our wedding and had an absolutely beautiful $5000 wedding. (I’ve posted a recap if you’d like to take a look). Please feel free to chat me if you are looking for pointers.
One thing I do want to tell you… go out right now and buy Motherless Daughters. It is a very hard read, but I am a better person for it. It allowed me to go through my emotions about my mother’s death, including letting me know that it’s ok to be mad at her… that’s a natural part of growing up, whether she is with you or not. It covers all kinds of senarios and is not a “self help” book. The biggest thing for me was knowing that the things I had felt over the years were not unique to me… other people had the exact same thoughts!
Post # 16
@GypsyLove: getting a part time job might be an option! its just hard because SO works M-F 9-5 and Friday and Saturday evenings. I still want to be able to see him and I’d have to see if place would hire me even though I can’t get there until 6 or so. I’ll definitely look into it. 🙂
@ForeverBirds: me too 😉
@CakeyP: Yes I’m very grateful that I live in Atlanta I know there will be a lot of places to choose from! 🙂 How sweet that you guys will honor your Fiance dad.. I love the lightheartedness (is that a word? 😉 ) of it! very excited that our little girl will be a part of it 🙂
@WhiteWedding: WOW! Thank you for your response!! 5K is right around the budget we’ll have. how many people did you have at your wedding? thank you SO much for the book recommendation.. i love reading and i haven’t heard of that! I will definitely be getting it! LOVE the recap on your wedding! looked beautiful and i love the blue under the dress!