(Closed) Engagements that are longer than the actual relationship?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree.  An engagement to me means you are ready and actively thinking about a pending wedding.  If you’re getting engaged and waiting until you “feel ready for marriage”, then you shouldnt be getting engaged yet imo. 

Post # 4
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

A good friend of mine proposed to his Fiance after 1 year and 9 months of dating. This was over two years ago now, and they are probably not getting married for another two years. He proposed to her because they were long distance due to his studies; he was in the UK for three years while she was back in Canada, and he wanted to show her that he was serious about her, and that he still wanted to be with her even though they didn’t see each other for months at the time. He just moved back to Canada, and he’s currently applying for jobs, so they are not quite financially ready to get married yet.

I suppose it’s different for each couple.

Post # 5
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Personally, I think that engagement it’s just a temporary stage that ends in marriage. It’s not something you linger in forever.

HOWEVER… I had a thought. Let’s just say a couple doesn’t want to get married anytime soon. It’s just not the right time for them to get married but they still want to be together. Maybe there’s a chance they’d get engaged because in the long run it would be more socially acceptable. Let’s face it, not everyone has the best reaction when someone introduces someone as their “girlfriend of 8 years.” It’s not right. But it happens. Perhaps that’s one situation where someone would opt for a super long engagement.

🙂

Post # 6
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m with you.  Engagement is a temporary transition state, not a destination to me.  But to each their own.  My sibs both got engaged in college with shorter relationships than engagement (Sister: 1 yr dating, 2.5 engaged; Brother: 1.5 dating, 2 years engaged).  Me?  3 years dating, 1 year engaged.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@claireos: I would tell them not to be so concerned about others and focus on themselves.  🙂  And I’d help them kick butt on people who required engagement for “legitimacy.”  Had a friend get married recently – dated roughly 10 years, engaged 1.5. 

Post # 8
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Being Engaged is NOT another step into the relationship. Your either  SINGLE or MARRIED.  Being engaged means your actively planning a wedding.

Post # 9
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that I find it strange. To me, being engaged is a temporary time where you are actively planning a wedding.

If you’re getting engaged and waiting until you “feel ready for marriage”, then you shouldnt be getting engaged yet.

Post # 10
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

Fiance and I dated for about 6 months, got engaged and are getting married in December 2012, juat about 2 years from our engagement date. We decided to go forward this way so that we’d have time to enjoy being engaged, so we could plan liesurely and so we could save money to have the wedding we wanted.

While I would not want an 8 year engagement I think we’re a bit too quick to judge others’ relationships.

Post # 11
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

In my situation, we got engaged after a year and a half and are probably getting married on our three or four year anniversary. The reason I wanted to get engaged without planning a wedding right away is because we live together, but I want to wait until I get my BA. We ended up falling into a “more than boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t have our ducks all in a row like we want yet,” so we’re engaged, but having a long engagment. I hated calling him my boyfriend because he’s SOOOO much more than that. And we are planning on getting married. I’ve even considered not really being engaged until we’re planning…but you can’t go back. Haha. So it is what it is. 

I agree that getting engaged after 6 months with no intentions of getting married for a couple years is odd. It sounds like she kind of pressured him…I also think that the getting married on 10th anniversary is a little odd, but I imagine they have their reasons. The last situation I can kind of understand as well since they have a lot going on. I think it’s better to have a long engagement and have the wedding you want, than to rush into wedding planning if you’re not quite ready to….

I think that in a lot of situations because cohabitating is more acceptable, relationships get into this weird phase where they’re more than boyfriend/girlfriend, but maybe don’t want to get married right away, and so they settle on engagement for awhile. I know I’m definitely excited to get married, I just want to get a degree and save up some money first. 

Post # 13
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, I think in some cases, getting engaged but not acutually planning a wedding is a way to sort of deal with societal pressures, in some way. For example – I know a couple who got engaged after 6 weeks of dating, with no actual plans to EVER marry – they are in their late 20’s/early 30’s, and he is divorced and “scared to commit”, and she just wants to please him, so is pretending that she doesn’t care if they ever actually get married. I think him proposing was a way to “bind” her to him, so to speak, without actually having to make the actual/legal commitment.

Post # 14
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well we are doing a year engagement, which will be longer than we were together before we got engaged!  But I don’t think a year is too long. 😛  We just knew we wanted to get married sooner than usual.

Post # 15
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We got engaged after one year, and were engaged for two years.

OTHER than being poor college students, we didn’t want to rush with the planning. We weren’t going to be able to hire a planner, and we had to do things on the cheap (but still look good).

Post # 16
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I actually wish we had waited ANOTHER year because we’re both graduating later than planned. :X

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